Happy Happy Halloween!

Whether you're the crazy guy at the end of your block who hands out chocolate bars w/needles stuck in them, or that annoying lady who feels the need to hand out "organic fruit snacks", have a Happy Halloween! The embedded video is from the awesomely terrible Halloween III: Season of the Witch (it's about druids...and robots...and doing it with robots...and a mass killing of children...I think). See some more recommended movies from yours truly here.

4 Political Ads to Make You Vomit in the Voting Booth

They often say that politics is the entertainment industry for ugly people, and no where is that more evident than these heinous concoctions of money-hungry people in bad suits seeking power in Washington. Check it out:


#1: The "Big John" ad for Sen. Cornyn (R-Tx). He was quoted in Politico saying "My staff convinced me that it would be a good idea… Maybe I need a new staff." I know the Republic of Texas has a history of cowboy culture, but are the people looking for their Senator to ride into DC with a Howdy-Doody vest?


#2:There is no doubt that the former Alaskan Senator, Mike Gravel, is completely insane. Trying to "bust out a rap" reminds me of an anti-drug PSA from the early 90s, and this ad came out waayyy after Obama Girl was yesterday's news.


#3:Ralph Nader ponders the existentialism of politics in a post-modern world...with a parrot. Why? Because he's a fuckin' idiot.


#4: Sure, The Obama would never lend himself to such a shoddy product. But this bizarre chearleading contest from Obama, Japan is probably going to replace recess for every kid in public school. So get used to hearing this melody as you drive around town looking for a job and scavenging for a dead cat to cook up in Obama's America.

Bing West Furious At Everybody

Grr!! Bing Smash!

Bing West, CFR member and author of "The Strongest Tribe", has a harshly written post at Small Wars Journal about journalist Nir Rosen. Rosen recently spent time with the Taliban to provide a very eye-opening account at Rolling Stone, which focused on their control of Ghazni province and their internal dynamics. IMHO, I thought it was good open-source intelligence and insight into the enemy, but Bing West was repulsed by his lack of patriotism and even sorta implies that he should be tried for treason:

Yet had Rosen been captured by Afghan soldiers, it is likely Rolling Stone magazine would have asked the US military to intercede for his release. But if the reporter has no obligation toward the soldier, does the soldier have the obligation to protect the journalist? Should Rosen, if captured, have been released or put on trial for aiding or abetting the enemy?

I empathize with the resentment, like when Washington Post stringers of dubious association were watching the Mahdi Army launch attack against the U.S., and of course there is always terrorist AP photographer Bilal Hussein. However, Nir Rosen's piece wasn't exactly giving a lot of sympathy to the Taliban thugs, and he never actively took part in an attack against ISAF forces. So bringing up "aiding and abetting the enemy" might be a bit much in his assault against a perceived enemy in the media.

Bing West goes on to rail against the Secretary of Defense and Admiral Mullen for lacking "moral courage and clarity" during tough times. Is he trying to get on C.H.U.D. Busters or something? I can't even begin to fathom the kind of responsibility that public servants Gates and Mullen have, and I would save my criticism for the politicians that appointed them, which is the crux behind "civilian control" of the military. This "good vs. evil" paradigm often neglects to understand the nature of the enemy and prevents any sort of reconciliation, which created a disastrous situation in Iraq following the invasion, something Bing himself acknowledges.

Abu Muqawama has more on Bing West follies, when he compares one generation to another as an arbiter of American greatness:

First he went after Bill Murphy's book in Forbes, sniping -- among other things -- that the contemporary American officer corps had not sacrificed on a level equivalent to those who fought in World War II and Vietnam -- wars "more intense" than the ones currently being fought.

Sure, I can say that my service was "less intense" than my late grandfathers in WWII. But casting such broadstrokes about today's military is a little unfair and can diminish a lot of respect in the public mind...I mean try saying that to this guy.

I don't want to interpret the words of others, but when David Bellavia says "don’t use your valor awards from previous wars to tell me about my war" in response to Murtha, it might apply to other older veterans, like West, as well.

Why Are The Nice Ones Always So Damn Crazy?

Your Friendly Neighbor is Probably a Psychopath

Unlike the usual blend of morans at the Huffington Post talking about the evils of Rovian America, Carol Anne Burger chose to write straight-forward journalism for the site including early voting in Florida and motivated Young Democrats. Unfortunately, a relationship gone sour with her lover may have a small impact on her career. From Palm Beach Bost (h/t Libertarian Leanings):

Carol Anne Burger killed her former lover by stabbing her 222 times with a Phillips-head screwdriver and then took pains to hide her crime, police said Wednesday...Examining the body, detectives absorbed what had been done to her. Stab wounds were clustered around the back of her head and stitched across her back and arms and face. Most were between an inch and an inch-and-a-half deep. A blow to Kalish's neck probably killed her, investigators determined.

Carol Anne Burger committed suicide before the police could arrest her. Geez.

Like child-murderer John Wayne Gacy putting on clown shows for kids, and murderer/rapist Ted Bundy speaking eloquently in court. It never seems to be the mutants one would expect.

USS Michael Monsoor

Pretty cool. Medal of Honor reciptient, Michael Monsoor, was a Navy Seal KIA in Ramadi. The new Zumwault-class Destroyer will be named after him and Some Soldier's Mom has the full press release. There have been very few who have received our nation's highest honor this decade, and this is a much more fitting show of respect than getting some lousy park in the exurbs named after you.

Joe to Take Part in Hoe Down

Alright...it seems that some readers were not happy with my defense of Joe the Plumber getting dragged through the coals. So for all the Joe-haters and people who think he pole-vaulted over the shark, here's an interesting article for ya:

“Joe” — aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, a Holland, Ohio, pipe-and-toilet man — just signed with a Nashville public relations and management firm to handle interview requests and media appearances, as well as create new career opportunities, including a shift out of the plumbing trade into stage and studio performances.

On Tuesday, Wurzelbacher joined country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin to form a new partnership that includes booking-management firm Bobby Roberts and publicity-management concern The Press Office to field the multiple media offers he’s received over the past few weeks.

Among the requests: a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships.

Ye gods. There will be no further discussion of Joe.

(h/t Ms. K)

Team America (Abu Ghadiya Version)

From Michael Ramirez

Why over-analyze the situation when a cartoon will do.

Obama Campaign To Solve Everyone's Problems by Ending Iraq War

Just finished watching the Obama 30-minute spot with sappy music and families who have fallen on hard times. Sure, it'd be great if everyone in America had it all, but how is this guy going to pay for all this shit?

The Iraq war has certainly been wrought with controversy and has been unpopular in America ever since early 2004. It has also come with a hefty price tag and is currently costing about $10 Billion a month. Whoever wins the election will deal with the messy Status of Forces Agreement and properly withdrawing coalition troops as security responsibility is transferred to the Iraqi Security Forces. But Obama is capitalizing on Iraq's unpopularity by implying he could fund the promises he has made to America in his commercial by ending the war. According to an WSJ article by a CATO guy, that's not gonna be enough:

A trillion here, a trillion there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money. Altogether, Mr. Obama is promising at least $4.3 trillion of increased spending and reduced tax revenue from 2009 to 2018 -- roughly an extra $430 billion a year by 2012-2013...

...The number of U.S. troops in Iraq will decline, regardless of who the next president is. Yet the CFARB credits John McCain's budget with only a $5 billion savings from troop reduction in Iraq, while Mr. Obama gets an extra $55 billion.

It's politically advantageous to speak out against a war no one likes, but trying to fudge the numbers for this fairy tale government isn't doing a service to anyone.

The Oboner Media

The Media and a Pimply Faced Teenager Have a Lot in Common

Lining up to run the Obama Cult of Personality half-hour is one thing, but the media is already creaming its pants over what kind of reporting they are going to have on Nov. 5th when Obama wins the presidency. Slate describes this appalling lust for The Obama in medialand with the article "Countdown to the Obama Rapture":

The windows of this mind-set are provided by Slate's Jacob Weisberg, for whom the Obama election is a national referendum on racism; the New York Times' Nicholas D. Kristof, for whom an Obama presidency is an opportunity to "rebrand" our nation and "find a path to restore America's global influence"; E.J. Dionne, who sees an Obama presidency as representing a chance to "rekindle the sense of possibility and transformation" in American life; and a swooning Andrew Sullivan, who almost a year ago speculated that Obama might be "that bridge to the 21st century that Bill Clinton told us about." For Chris Matthews, of course, the Obama candidacy is a "thrill" going up his leg, one that will arc over his torso and detonate his head in the event of a victory.

The leading Obama cheerleader among the commentariat is Newsweek's Jonathan Alter, whose "erection of the heart" for the candidate has no match.

This must be something akin to the prom for these pubescent media pukes. Getting all dressed up to attend Obama's big dance in Chicago's Grant Park on Election day. Pinning on their laminated press badge, like a corsage, that they shelled out $1,870 for. Hoping to get lucky in the parking lot by hanging out with all the cool kids who volunteered for Obama from the get-go in 2007. Egotistical strokefests like this are usually funny when it happens in Hollyweird with a bunch coked-up celebrities, but Obama is going to be the President of the goddamn country, therefore it is downright scary. A complicit media is an essential part of any dictatorship that seeks to maintain power through a Cult of Personality. The media's love affair with Obama is repulsive for a democracy, and the tendency for the Obama campaign to deny access to few outlets they perceive as hostile is downright creepy.

But take a deep breath, nothing on The Obama website says that we're going to experience a Mao-like purge of the bourgeois class, and the media (like his fanatical supporters) are most likely excited because the economy has sucked so bad and they are erroneously looking to a politician for "change". Of course, people are most likely going to be pissed off when they discover that Obama is a incompetent imbecile like the last bunch of Presidents we've had. So, really the media's Oboner is like whacking it to a Victoria Secret catalog. You can fantasize all day and night about getting some action, but in reality, you're carnal desires are never going to actually happen in a million years.

Zombified Corpse of Kim Jong-Il Hospitalized

South Korean intelligence is reporting that North Korean despot, Kim Jong-Il, remains hospitalized after his "setback" in August. [CNN]. The media mentions that North Korea tried to air some undated video footage, but no one is buying it. North Korea needs to stitch up Dear Leader's skull with dental floss and trot him out ala Weekend at Bernie's to convince us imperialist dogs that all is well. Even though Kim Jong Il presided over one of the worst famines in modern history, largely caused by his Stalinist rule, I hear the Mass Games are really cool. So please keep Mr. Il in your thought and prayers at this time.

What is Sen. Obama's Stance on Unicorns?

BostonMaggie shares the funny for the day. But, seriously, who do I have to vote for to get some unicorns around here?Puppies and a Rainbow would be a nice treat from any politician, but this is The Obama...he could do so much more for us.

Republicans to Secretly Meet in VA to Discuss Wildly Successful Campaign Strategy

Due to the trainwreck of the GOP campaign this election cycle, prominent conservatives are going to gather in a fortress of solitude to discuss better tactics to win in 2010. Johnathan Martin has the scoop:

Few believe that the Republican party will respond to another brutal election by following a path of moderation, but conservatives are deeply dispirited and anxious to reassert the core values they believe have not always been followed by Bush, congressional leaders and their party’s presidential nominee . Many on the right, both elites and the rank-and-file, see a rudderless party that is in dire need of new blood and old principles: small government, a robust national security and unapologetic social conservatism.

Martin also states that Palin will be near the top of the ticket to run for Prez, despite her obscene unpopularity among the voting public. A push for "unapologetic social conservatism" to all the supposed June Cleavers and Torquemadas residing in America might not even be a winning strategy, as evangelicals (the traditional bulwarks of social conservatism) make up a mere 24% of the public, and are only "reluctantly" supporting McCain (possibly because some think voting for Obama will send you straight to hell)! It's none of my business as to whether someone believes in speaking in tongues or spirtual warfare or Xenu or whatever, but notorious intellectual with sharp commentary who's also a bit of an asshole, Christopher Hitchens, writes a scathing critique of why Palin's stubborn beliefs about science could spell disaster for policy. From Slate:

This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. And those who prate of spiritual warfare and demons are not just "people of faith" but theocratic bullies. On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity.

Maybe the next Republican party will take this to heart, or maybe they'll continue down a losing path. Either way, I'll be bitterly cllinging to my porn and online gambling until they don't scare the daylights out of me with blatant religous overtones getting mixed in with politics at the federal level.

The Forgotten War

Don't forget to check out The Frontline special on Afghanistan, this terribly under-resourced war that America seems to have forgotten. Very eye-opening. Jules Crittenden has some details.

So, Which "The Heights" Character is Most Like You?

Back during the early 90s, the country was feeling a tad guilty about the drug-addled 70s and the greed is good 80s, so political correctness reigned mainstream culture. From Captain Planet and the Planeteers to Van Halen's Right Now video, if you weren't in a multi-ethnic cause to save the rainforests from AIDS, you were something akin to Hitler. Believe it or not, Fox tried to cash in on this by trotting out a show about urban/socially-conscious hipsters struggling to make it as musicians. The show was called The Heights and it lasted a lengthy 3 months on the air in 1992. A big thanks to Ms. Kiyum for passing along the video to describe her banged hairstyle 15 years ago. For me personally, I think I aspired to be the Fabio-like lead guitarist, but was probably more closer to the drummer in the vest. Which character were you?

I have no idea how this show got canceled!

First They Came for the Plumbers

That arrogant Joe the Plumber guy, who does he think he is?!? Asking The Obama an unscripted question in his boorish, midwestern attire. Luckily, local commissar Helen Jones-Kelly was able to put him in his place by investigating his child support records. From the Columbus Dispatch (h/t Gateway Pundit):

Helen Jones-Kelly, director of the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, confirmed today that she OK'd the check on Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher following the Oct. 15 presidential debate.

She said there were no political reasons for the check on the sudden presidential campaign fixture though the Support Enforcement Tracking System.

Amid questions from the media and others about "Joe the Plumber," Jones-Kelley said she approved a check to determine if he was current on any ordered child-support payments.

Fellow proles, there is no need to fear a demagogue-like president rising to power in a time of economic crisis with a self-righteous majority of supporters who pay no heed to the Rule of Law. No historical precedents whatsoever!

Where my homies at? (libertarians that is)

Fellow Libs Discuss Future Political Prospects

Reason has an article out discussing how people who self-identify as fiscally conservative and socially liberal are aligning themselves in America's nutty maelstrom of politics. Based on polling data, seems libs are doing an about face from the Repubs due to perceived nastiness and culture war fiascoes:

The real McCain, whoever that is or was, may still believe that major swathes of the Religious Right represent "agents of intolerance" in our politics. But he has decided to stake both his election and the Republican Party's future upon them—from the barely coded racial refrain of "Who is Barack Obama?," to the rallies with shouts of "terrorist" and "kill him," to the corrosive choice of pipeline-prayer Sarah Palin as his running mate and heir apparent.

Tax cuts or no tax cuts, a party that can be roused in time of deep crisis only by fear and tribalism—a party that a supposed moderate is now deeding to its most extreme elements—can scarcely serve as a safe home to liberty or the voters who cherish it.

Sure, everyone loves the grass-roots activism of Joe and Tito, but a presidential candidate needs to move beyond the street-level insults slung at the opposition to prove that he/she is competent. Sure, I'd love to grab a beer with those guys, but I remain skeptical that they have background and expertise to conduct tough diplomacy with some of the world's more unsavory characters, which is why it is bizarre that the Republican campaign has pushed this anti-elite meme so hard. One thing I learned from the military is that you want your leadership to know what the fuck they are doing, and being a "swell guy" is a bit irrelevant. That's why the Palin 2012 buzz is registering about a 0.4 on my interest radar, because her communication strategy seems obsessed with relating to the hardcore, folksy, Evangelical base of the Republican party. Call me a limp-wristed "elite", but the Republicans' preoccupation with culture war issues like stem cell research, gay marriage, and Obama being some anti-American mutant seem rather silly when serious issues are at stake. I just want a Prez who's not going to get us all killed, is that too damn much to ask?

My Turn: You're 18 You're Out the Door!

And Get a Real Job While You're At It, You Bums

My Turn, the first-person Newsweek feature that covers a random assortment of topics from Dude, Where's My Bridge to Nowhere and I Can't Cook Like Grandma, has always been a fave of mine. Primarily, because it allows people to shamelessly air the dirty laundry of life in a major media publication. It can also provide a fascinating look at mainstream trends in your generation that you isolated yourself from long ago by signing up for military service. After reading a Politico article about this new wave of young voters, it sounds like these youngsters are looking for "change" in the form of free government healthcare, free college tuition, and free beer money from the tooth fairy. Call me a cynical asshole if you must, but it's well known that people tend to vote their self-interest and riding the feel-good train to fame and fortune seems to be the lofty aspirations of all these would-be Paris Hiltons based on polling data.

But a looksy at these two My Turns gets to the root of the problem with many young people today, they are just too doggone self-centered and woefully dependent on their parents. An NYC denizen describes her "subsidized" friends living up every hipsters dream of having a studio in SoHo:

Higher rents and the need for deeper pockets are part of the charm associated with city living, but urban pricing aside, it is possible to live in any city regardless of your age or income; it just takes a little budgeting and prioritizing. Surrendering to lifestyle flexibility may be unattractive, but sometimes it's necessary. It's easy to "keep up with the Joneses" when financial responsibility is someone else's problem. The fact is, my peers who flood out of designer stores, arms adorned with shopping bags, wouldn't be able to afford their purchases without ringing up a massive credit-card debt. By continuing to provide for their twentysomething kids, parents hinder their children's ability to be financially responsible. If you don't learn to budget early on, what will inspire you to do so when your finances become your own prerogative?

Another ex-tutor talks about getting paid by well-to-do parents to do their kids homework while the little darlings are out screwing in the backseat of Mom's Lexus SUV:

Welcome to the world of professional paper-writing, the dirty secret of the tutoring business. It's facilitated by avaricious agencies, perpetuated by accountability-free parents and made possible by self-loathing nerds like me. For three-hour workdays, the ability to sleep in and the opportunity to get paid to learn, I tackled subjects like Dostoevsky while spoiled jerks smoked pot, took naps, surfed the Internet and had sex. Though some offered me chateaubriand and the occasional illicit drug, most treated me like the help. I put up with it because I feared working in an office for $12 an hour again.

This frightening trend will most likely lead to these spoiled turds growing up to be CEOs of large corporations looking for more and more government bailout money to fund their pricey lifestyles. This will have a crippling effect on our society as urban decadence is publicly financed, while schmucks employed out in Rubes-ville have to work longer hours to make ends meet and pay their taxes.

Due to a court-order from that smartass judge, I'm not allowed to father children, but if I had some kids I would do them a favor and give them the boot right when they finished high school (with parental affection of course). The world is an interesting place when you make your own way, and it would help prevent a burgeoning class of skinny-jeaned hipsters from continuously trying to vote themselves largesse at everyone else's expense.

Tito!!

I can't tell if this is the same Tito the Truck Driver from the "I am Joe" Ad (he's at ~20 seconds), but seriously how many people do you know named Tito (besides the Jackson 5 Tito Jackson, and Latin Jazz sensation Tito Puente). Here he is introducing Palin:

Not sure if the reflective vest and hard hat were for political effect, or if he just punched out from work, but Tito is a much better spokesman for the Republican Party than Ted the Corrupt Senator. It's tough times for the Republican party, but it's interesting to see what they roll out this last bitter week of the campaign.

Presidential Candidate Gets to Meet THE A.C. Slater

Mario Lopez, most famously the bad-boy/dimpled wrestler from Saved by the Bell, took time from his busy schedule to meet one of his biggest fans. From ABC Political Punch:

The candidate often bemoans the media asking silly and superficial questions. The media isn't focused on the important issues facing the nation, he complains.

On Saturday in Nevada, Obama sat for an exclusive interview with Mario Lopez, the actor who played "A.C. Slater" on "Saved by the Bell," to air on the TV show "EXTRA!"

If I knew you could meet so many awesome celebs that define our cultural history, I would've run for office years ago. I think the article is supposed to be about Obama shutting out the media or something, but I'm just jealous that Obama, that lucky guy, got to meet A.C! Whether or not they broke out the synthesizer to jam out to "Friends Forever" is unknown, but would've been kickass.

Syria in the Crosshairs

There was some conspiratorial talk earlier today about the cross-border operation in Syria being some kind of "October Surprise" for the Bush Administration. Turns out it was just an offensive against a terrorist facilitator with some very accurate targeting. From Fox News:

A U.S. strike on a network of foreign fighters in Syria killed its main target — an Al Qaeda coordinator who was wanted for sending foreign fighters, weapons and cash into Iraq, a U.S. official told FOX News.

Among the eight people killed in Sunday's attack by Special Operations Forces was Abu Ghadiyain, Al Qaeda's senior coordinator operating in Syria who was closely associated with the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq.

Terrorism is an international problem and if you can't police your border area, we will. Abu Ghadiya and his ilk are responsible for killing thousands by facilitating movement of suicide bombers from Syria into Iraq, and the Sinjar Records have documented their tactics. Unlike Pakistan, we're not trying to be good friends with Syria, so the outrage expressed by some Americans seems a little overblown, and is most likely intended to poke Bush in the eye one last time before he gets kicked out of office. Cold beers are in order for the team that pulled off this courageous operation, but it would probably be best if SpecOps like these stayed out of the media.

"Fabulous" Palin Effigy Not Getting any Love During WeHo Parade

I used to live near West Hollywood many years ago, and the Halloween parade was always a scene for outrageous hilarity. If you can stomach the sight of the occasional tranny in assless chaps, you'll also be able to view Los Angeles babes dressing up in naughty witch outfits. It's got something for everyone of all sexual preferences, that's for sure. Despite the need to outrage anyone with the slightest bit of morality on Halloween, I think the Palin effigy goes just a bit too far. From CBS (h/t Dirty Harry's):

A Halloween decoration showing a mannequin dressed as vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin hanging by a noose from the roof of a West Hollywood home is drawing giggles from some passers-by and gasps of outrage from others. The mannequin is dressed in brunet wig, glasses and a red business suit. Another mannequin dressed as John McCain emerges from a flaming chimney.

I'm not gonna say which side has had more nasty antics than other or even that I think Palin is awesome (she's not), but with a complicit media heavily favorable towards The Obama, expect displays like this to continue well beyond Nov. 4th to anyone not buying into the Democrats' Higher Purpose. By this time next year, most people who aren't self-professed liberals are probably going to be charecterized as cretinous morlocks, cooking up meth in trailers and railing on about c'untry first. That might be beneficial to Dems seeking to maintain their status quo of power, but it'll probably suck for everyone else.

CTC Sheds Some Light on Iran's Two-Faced Game in Iraq

Iranian-backed Militia Thugs in the Streets [ABC]

The Counter-terrorism Center at West Point has released another important study regarding the proverbial Long War. It concerns Iranian influence in Iraq and recommendations to halt the nefarious part of their meddling [pdf]. Viewing this problem in the traditional conservative/liberal lens of domestic politics is an unfitting model for this complicated issue. If you're a crunchy liberal, you may think that U.S. actions in Iraq are unjustified and the Bush administration is rotten to the core, therefore Ahmadinejad's rhetoric about the U.S. being an imperial aggressor may sound slightly appealing (see the "I have a Crush on Ahmadinejad" post). Conversely, if you're a real charlie-church conservative, you probably view Iran as an evil empire and military action against the nation is inevitable. Both ideologies fail to comprehend what is really happening, and the CTC offers up an objective analysis of this important foreign policy issue.

Their key findings indicats that Iran is trying to give its traditional nemesis, The Great Satan aka the U.S., the boot from Iraq by use of proxy militias and influence in Iraqi politics, while simultaneously hoping to ensure a stable and friendly Iraq so that trench warfare isn't revisited ala the '80-'88 Iran-Iraq war. As evidenced by the money-hungry militia thugs that ruled Basra prior to the offensive in March, Iran's dangerous game of supporting combatants has an effect that is incredibly counter-productive to its stated goal of a stable Iraq. From the CTC study pg. 13:

It is a mistake to think of all Iranian influence in Iraq as nefarious. Iran should have a close relationship with the Iraqi government and strong economic and social ties to the Iraqi people. Nonetheless, Iranian policy over the last five years has been two‐faced: offering Iraq’s government moral support while arming militias that undermine governmental authority; funneling advanced weapons to attack its enemies, but providing humanitarian aid for the Iraqi people; and encouraging free elections, but attempting to manipulate their results.

The CTC suggests an aggressive military and diplomatic effort to curb negative Iranian influence, while encouraging Iraqi nationalism to thwart Iran from subverting the Iraqi political process. The study even suggests direct negotiations between Iran and the U.S. to increase transparency of funds that Iran provides to Iraq. This is a very informative study, and goes way beyond the usual pundit blabber of "preconditions" and "Iran sucks, America is Awesome" that we can't seem to get beyond in this horrendous election season. Worth a read.

BOHICA! Rep. Frank Wants to Gut the Military

Barney Frank (D-MA), the clown a lot of people have been pointing fingers at for bringing us this crippling economic crisis, is attempting to prevent people from storming his residence with torches n' pitchforks by dishing out "free money" to Americans. By "free money" I mean the "healthcare expenses, food stamps and extended unemployment benefits" that he wants to hand out after the 2008 election to ensure the Democrats stay in power with a parasitic class of cheetos-eating loafers who just have to show up to the polling station once every two years. Of course, that money has gotta come from somewhere, and he has mentioned a hefty 25% cut in military spending [South Coast Today]:

In a meeting with the editorial board of The Standard-Times, Rep. Frank, D-Mass., also called for a 25 percent cut in military spending, saying the Pentagon has to start choosing from its many weapons programs, and that upper-income taxpayers are going to see an increase in what they are asked to pay. The military cuts also mean getting out of Iraq sooner, he said.

Greyhawk crunches the defense spending numbers on what a 25% cut would mean and it ain't looking good for America:

Eliminate 100% of procurement - eliminate every American job making armor and bullets and "fancy new weapons" in multiple House districts across the country - and you've reduced that budget by 20% - five short of Frank's goal. Of course, there's no further need for that R&D spending (15%) any more (or that silly "personnel" and "operations" waste...)

It should also be noted that the most recent Defense Authorization Act allocates ~$10B/month for both Iraq and Afghanistan. Assuming we stopped all operations in both conflict zones and magically teleported our troops home tomorrow (at no cost) we would still only be looking at about a 20% decrease in military spending (with the total DoD budget at ~$600B/yr). So the Frankonomics aren't adding up and he needs to be honest about what a 25% cut would entail. But at least our troops will be well-prepared to wait in DMV-like lines for state-run health care programs when they get forced out early. Is this what Obama was talking about when he said America needed to restore its "Higher Purpose". Pass the fucking cheetos.

Last Bit of Lame Blogging: Kenny Loggins' Ambiguously Gay Top Gun Tribute

Dude, Loggins is totally whacking it on his bed while dreaming of Tom Cruise flying jets and getting feisty with his lover, Iceman. How did the 80s get away with itself?!? It's been described to me that Top Gun is the ultimate movie about gays in the military. Because the only unequivocally straight guy (Goose) gets killed off half-way through the flick, and the whole Tom Cruise-Charlie affair was just cover so Cruise could sing karoke. Quentin Tarantino agrees.

When in Rome

When down south, unless you are some kind of yankee infiltrator looking to start trouble, it is advisable to listen to country on the radio occasionally in order to blend in a little better. This new Toby Keith song has been getting a ton of play and it's not bad, even though it's a tad mushy compared to his "I Love This Bar" days:

On the other hand, allow me to point fingers at The South for a minute. I was driving down I-95 from Savannah, GA and almost ran into not one, but two refrigerator sized boxes laying in the middle of the right lane. What is this, a third-world country?

Chronicles in Awesome: Bike War in Neo-Tokyo

If there's any better animation than the bike gang scene from Akira, I'd sure like to hear it. Yeah, this is anime, so feel free to leave jokes about overweight pederasts in the comments.

The Rise and Fall of a Gen X Icon

What the Hell Ever Happened to Darlene?

So I was watching old Roseanne reruns on Nickelodeon, because I have nothing better to do on a Sunday, and saw the sarcastic, cynical stylings of Darlene. Remember her? She brought up a lot of memories from the awkward early 90s as grunge was taking off, young people were disgruntled and skeptical of their lame parents, and there was no worse fate than being labeled a "poser" for hanging out with the jocks. Darlene could have been the spokeswoman for a generation of teens who weren't buying into the paradigm of our dull society.

Unfortunately, I decided to see what Sara Gilbert was up to these days, and her wiki states that "In her teens, Gilbert became a vegetarian. Today, she supports numerous organizations such as PETA, Meals on Wheels, Freedom of Speech, Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and AIDS Project Los Angeles." Not that there is anything wrong with charity, but it may highlight a trend that all anti-authoritarian Gen Xers who grew their hair long and dyed it purple may become the mainstream if Obama gets elected. Wonder who the next generation of rebels will be?

Late Nite Tunes: Nirvana - Sliver

Grandma take me home. Nuff said.

Super Fun Time Weekend Thread: Ashley Todd and Bad Avatar Edition

Surprise! The 20-year old McCain volunteer Ashley Todd, who tried to start off a race war or some bullshit with a Munchausen-like story about a 6'4" black man carving a B in her face, made it all up [KDKA-Pittsburgh]. I guess it wasn't that big a surprise, because Michelle Malkin and Wonkette already declared shenanigans last night due to her bizarre twitter account. That pathetic ruse was about as successful as my astro-turf campaign at This Ain't Hell.

Anyways, what's everyone got going on this weekend? Any badass Halloween paraphernalia in the works?

World's Worst Avatar Generator: (h/t Waxy)
This website generates a free avatar based on whatever name you type in (FYI, to get your avatar in the haloscan comments go to this link). Although, I tried punching up some of the frequent commenters here into the generator, and some of you may be less than impressed with your pixelated self. Check it out:
ABWF the 1985 mulleted hescher

Subrookie the mustached kid-toucher

Wek the freaky cyclops that lost his nose due to cocaine abuse

Ms. Kiyum the overweight Vegas bookie

Kath the reincarnation of King Hippo

Cathcatz the leader of Angola Prison's notorious Diablo gang

LT Nixon the botched Frankenstein experiment

LT Nixon (using his real name) the misunderstood emo wuss

Nuke Power Gets the Nod From the Snooty New York Times

The New York Times writes about viability of more nuclear power plants in America and seems to be supportive of the whole no CO2 emission thing. But, a detailed discussion at Reason suggests new nuclear power plants are too damn expensive to be economically sustained without either massive government subsidies or a huge carbon tax/cap-and-trade policy in place. And that takes into account fossil fuels being priced through the roof.

Whatever our country decides to do for energy, I just hope the policy wonks come up with a strategy soon. Because, I just got my separation letter from the Navy and I need to get a job like a normal person eventually. Trying to live off Paypal donations from internet people probably isn't going to tide me over for long.

LT Nixon tries to make a living off bloggin'

Great FAIL Moments in Presidential Assassination History

Manson Family Wacko, Squeaky Fromme, Really Leveled the Gender Playing Field for Presidential Assassinations

Everyone knows about angry, hillbilly southerner John Wilkes Booth waxing Lincoln (our favorite gay president) at Ford's Theater , but what about all the loser assassins who couldn't get the job done. Cracked has a pretty interesting piece on six botched attempts throughout our violent American history. They highlight the first attempt on JFK's life, which was totally lame:

This bought time for the good guys to work through the diabolical clues he mailed out. And by that we mean the postmaster glanced at the dates and postmarks and told the Secret Service where he was. By the time he was working on his second attempt on Kennedy's life, the cops were closing in.

When they pulled him over, the cops found seven sticks of dynamite wired in the vehicle. Pavlick originally had much more, but when he became nervous about getting caught he removed most of it, apparently under the impression that it's ok to have just a few explosives in your trunk at any given time.

Although, I was bit disappointed in Cracked that they didn't include the assassination attempt on America's best alternate universe president, Lyndon Larouche. He explains that he was targeted for extermination by the U.S. Justice Department working with former Soviet Premier Gorbachev because of his involvement with the SDI program. Also, because Larouche wanted to round up every gay person in California to put in camps during the 80s, he was targeted for assassination as well. I can't make this shit up.

Blogging Reduced to Stems and Seeds by Wired

The Unstoppable Twitter/Facebook Behometh To Squash Blogging (pic from Contra Tribute Page)

An article in this month's Wired (h/t Milblogging.com) proclaims the death of blogging in lieu of the new social networking sites that all the young whippersnappers are using (e.g. Facebook, Twitter):

Writing a weblog today isn't the bright idea it was four years ago. The blogosphere, once a freshwater oasis of folksy self-expression and clever thought, has been flooded by a tsunami of paid bilge. Cut-rate journalists and underground marketing campaigns now drown out the authentic voices of amateur wordsmiths.

Call me the old-fashioned coot who still drives around in a 1984 Buick yelling at speeding high schoolers to slow it down, but Facebook is too exclusive with its "be my friend" policy to have any sort of commentary reach beyond your clique of like-minded pals. And Twitter just sucks, with even good writers like Patrick Ruffini not getting substance beyond "ZOMG! Palin's New Shoes Are Teh Awesome" due to Twitter's brevity requirements (less than 140 words).

Wired goes on to state that all the big, "professional" blogs are sucking up all the space for google searches. But just this week, this piece of shit bleg with a pagerank of 5, got on the first google search page for "Mongols MC" due to a post about the ATF raids in California and received hundreds of hits. So covering a unique topic besides Obama's electoral status and "Rethuglicans being Meanies" might get you all sorts of traffic from unexpected nether regions of the net.

Also, Wired discusses the troll factor as hurting some of the more sensitive bloggers' precious feelings:

That said, your blog will still draw the Net's lowest form of life:The insult commenter. Pour your heart out in a post, and some anonymous troll named r0rschach or foohack is sure to scribble beneath it, "Lame. Why don't you just suck McCain's ass." That's why Calacanis has retreated to a private mailing list. He can talk to his fans directly, without having to suffer idiotic retorts from anonymous Jason-haters.

Grow up, you wuss. The more psychotic trolls are generally pretty damn hilarious, and if your post is getting a lot of negative feedback, it was probably a shitty post to begin with. Accept criticism and do better next time or pack your bags for the turnip truck with all the other schmucks twittering away no-substance garbage for their BFFs.

Blogs were never as well-written and professional as the mainstream media, and the whole "citizen-journalist" moniker might be a bit overwrought in its self-importance. But bloggin' is still an interesting way to share commentary from average schmoes that is framed in a semi-professional manner with lots of links so that the reader can draw their own opinion. Kind of like "Letters to the Editor", but with embedded videos and pics of politicians making an ass of themselves for better effect. The comments are also a lot more insightful, as strange internet people like myself stake their cyber-reputation on their handle when explaining why strippers are necessary for pulling out of the econmic crisis. So, if you are a blogger or commenter or lurker, don't give up hope just yet! Let's at least hold out until the net neutrality laws round us up for "re-education" in the next administration.

Sausage Fest U.S.A.

Yglesias bring us this disturbing graph which shows the density of singles for the 20-34 age range. The blue indicates "more dudes", while red indicates "more chicks". Therefore, it is quite apparent that the singles dating scene is a worse pickle-fest than a Star Trek convention.

But wait...there is some hope as this graph encomapsses a larger age demographic:

This proves that there are a whole lot of cougars east of the Mississippi, which would probably explain the ridiculous popularity of Neil Diamond.

A Blemish on America From Not Long Ago

As much as I like to bitch about all the anti-military crazies these days (cf. C.H.U.D. Busters), it was probably peanuts compared to what the Vietnam veterans had to go through. Zombietime has a detailed look at a Weather Underground manifesto (of which Ayers co-wrote): Prairie Fire. From the "Strategies for Revolution" section:

Page 40 of the manuscript is typical: It outlines the Weather Underground's strategies for overthrowing the United States. Among the many strategies are: eliminating the feeling of patriotism among the general public, destroying the government from within, and starting a mass insurrection among the lower classes.

Jawa Report also has details on the plans the Weather Underground had for re-education centers in the Southwest and genocide against those who could not be converted to "revolutionary" standards. America has always had its share of crazies on all sides of the political spectrum. For a look at far-right strangeness, there's The Turner Diaries, which lays out a blueprint for inciting a race war and bringing down the federal goverment. But it's pretty shitty when 3,000 academics are rushing to Bill Ayers defense to defend this sort of hate. The Support Bill Ayers petition is here, and I tried to sign up "Smiley Time Pol Pot" from the "Khmer Rouge University", but I think they are screening the thing, which might put a damper on any cyber-shenanigans.

Iraq News: Someone Take This SOFA To The Dump

The Status of Forces Agreement in Iraq (SOFA) has been a topic of conversation in the media ever since Ambassador Crocker had to explain to the Iraqis, American politicians, and everyone in between that it would not mean permanent bases. But now this political beast has taken on a life of its own, and implications of coalition troops staying past the U.N. mandate (which expires on Dec. 31) have become increasingly controversial. Spencer Ackerman attempts to dissect the complexities in his latest piece [Washington Independent]:

Yet a wide-ranging group of Iraqis remain dissatisfied with many aspects of the deal, if for different reasons. Some would prefer that the text include a provision allowing a continuing review of security conditions before withdrawal. Others are concerned about the Article 22 provision, that when the deal goes into force “all detainees in U.S. custody shall be released.”

Still others fear that an Article 28 provision does not obligate the U.S. to defend Iraq from external aggression while its troops operate on Iraqi soil. Rahim said these concerns were “not fundamental,” but added, “This is all happening in a climate where there are elections in the U.S. and provincial elections very soon in Iraq. And undoubtedly those two factors complicate the situation.”

Other thoughts on the SOFA includes your standard Ahmadinejad psycho-babble about the U.S. "pillaging" Iraq, and milblogger Greyhawk believes the very existence of this agreement implies that the war is over. Challenges for the next administration in our country and for Iraq's political leadership will be successful transition of security responsibility while navigating the political minefield of having coalition troops on foreign soil. Can't say I would want that job.

Fat Axl to Finally Release Chinese Democracy

Mark your calendars for Nov. 25th and hope that you live near a Best Buy, because that's when Guns N' Roses will finally release probably the most expensive and longest awaited album in history, Chinese Democracy. Unless you don't live in Real America (yeah, that's an asshole comment, but I said it), you'll fondly remember your awkward teenaged-years with the cocaine-themed tune Night Train to the more somber Don't Cry to the hard-hitting Nice Boys Don't Play Rock N' Roll. But can this much anticipated album deliver the fist-pumping, head-banging music that we need in our cultural vacuum of wussness? The Toronto Star is skeptical:

The single itself is a bit underwhelming, building from a portentous intro fraught with babbling voices to a massive, punched guitar riff that recalls a downtuned version of the Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane" but then never quite following up with a proper, hard-hitting chorus.

Oh man, the lead single sounding like The Scorpions, but they suck! Tracks have leaked over the years, and they have been a bit underwhelming. Perhaps it is because Guns n' Roses is from another era when the hair was big n' teased, the music on the Sunset Strip was loud, and America was feeling good about itself. Trying to teleport music that defined a generation from one era to another is about as cool as the Rolling Stones hobbling around on stage with their walkers. The Guns N' Roses album might be halfway decent, but rocking out to it may have to involve delusional mind in still thinking it's 1991 and the airbrushed wolf on your El Camino is a chick magnet. Also Slash got kicked to the curb, so it just won't be the same...

Top 10 Horror Flicks for Halloween To Scare the Bejeezus Out of Your Kids

(pic from Weird Asia News)

No, no not that kind of scary, I'm talking about some no-shit, freaky-ass movies that will creep out the whole family. It's Halloween, and everyone deserves a good scare or two, especially because Americans are wound up so tight with this damn election. It's time to lighten up! So here's my 10 bestest horror recommendations for Halloween (in no particular order), if you don't like 'em then provide some of your own in the comments.

#1 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): This film is loosely based on the life and times of Ed Gein, but Tobe Hopper chose to turn his bizarre and macabre characteristics into a whole damn family. The result is one of the most disturbing things you'll ever see: chainsaw-wielding brother, deranged hitchhiker, cannibalistic BBQ joint run by the dad, and even a visit from crusty old pervert Grandpa.

#2 Sleepaway Camp (1983): One of the ultimate summer camp schlock flicks that involves kids getting schwacked in mysterious ways. While a bit cheesy, the movie's hilarious dialogue is worth the watch alone (check out the pederast cook). Be sure to stick around for the ending too, which rivals the Rosebud ending in its greatness.

#3 Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors (1986): It's Freddy Kruger in an insane asylum for teenagers. What the hell else are you going to do on Halloween, go to the opera? One of the best of the series, and the part where the Dungeons and Dragons nerd buys the farm is worth the purchase alone.

#4 Hills Have Eyes (2006): A perfect movie for the election year when blue state stereotypes about "country folk" abound. A family gets stuck in the desert when deranged mutants from a nearby nuclear waste pit of an abandoned town begin terrorizing them. Every urban person's fear as they drive out on a camping trip in their Saab.

#5 Dawn of the Dead (1978):Not much else to say about Dawn of the Dead except that it'sa damn near perfect movie. The opening sequence in the Philly slum is one of the best sequences on what would happen if society collapsed, and the mall setting is allegorical for how we are all a bunch of low-life zombies looking for brains. Great commentary, and great horror flick.

#6 Evil Dead II (1987): There probably hasn't been a protagonist more tortured than Ash in cinematic history. From being strangled by his own severed hand, to being possessed by a demonic spirit, and finally getting sent back to the dark ages, Ash keeps the humor alive in this ridiculously violent romp.

#7 Prince of Darkness (1987): Some people think The Exorcist is the gold standard for movies about Satan, but those people have simply overlooked John Carpenter's The Prince of Darkness. Not only does it play on the good vs. evil religious theme, but it also has schizoid Alice Cooper stabbing some dude with a bicycle. Awesome!

#8 House of 1000 Corpses (2003): Rob Zombie's first attempt at directing is a true freak-out, as he encompasses some of the best tried and true methods of horror into one big film. A psychotic family in the country, idiotic urban folks blundering into a death trap, well-placed references to serial killer Albert Fish, etc. As a bonus it actually revolves around Halloween.

#9 The Shining (1980): While this Stanley Kubrick flick doesn't have the rampant violence that some of the other movies on this list do, the twin girls are scary enough to make even the most battle-hardened movie buff shit his or her pants. The descent into madness at a a remote location and Kubrick's style of shooting this makes the psychological aspect of the film totally mind-blowing.

#10 Dead Alive (1992): Before Peter Jackson became a nerd sensation with the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, he had this ridiculously violent movie set in New Zealand. The movie involves a party that devolves quickly into a zombie fest, which is followed by the infamous lawnmower scene. A cult classic!

Reason's Strategy on GOP: Throw Out The Bums

Reason Burning Bridges With Current Repubs

I disagree with the hipsters at Reason on national security issues, but I pretty much agree with them on everything else. There's an intersting article called "Why the Republicans Must Lose" from one of the senior editors:

That's the second reason the GOP needs to lose. American voters need to send a clear, convincing repudiation of these dangerous ideas. If they do lose, the GOP would be wise to regroup and rebuild from scratch, scrap the current leadership, and, most importantly, purge the party of the "national greatness," neoconservative influence.

This is a much more well-framed argument of what I wrote about on Monday, and I encourage any disgruntled ex-Republican to check out Reason's justification for "throttling" this wretched new GOP that we have seen the past 8 years.

Sorry Conservatives, Palin Spending Spree is a Big Story

Marie Antoinette Palin Sez "If They Can't Wear Neiman Marcus, Let Them Shop at Saks"

Politico recently dropped a bombshell about the folksy, populist veep-pick for the GOP. Apparently, campaign expenses on trivial crap like her hair, makeup, and vice presidential get-up have totaled a whopping $150K. Sure, a candidate can't be dressed like some Seattle hobo if they want to get elected, but this seems awfully excessive when the economy is breaking down faster than a Chinese motorcycle. Remember when John Edwards, the guy who supposedly understood the plight of impoverished Americans, got busted for his $400 haircuts and we all called him a douchebag? There's a similar line of logic here, and some Republicans are fucking pissed. From Marc Ambinder:

There is already an attempt to blame the media -- as in, the liberal media would have looked askance at Palin if she wasn't clad in Neiman Marcus, but this won't wash. Republicans, RNC donors and at least one RNC staff member have e-mailed me tonight to share their utter (and not-for-attribution) disgust at the expenditures.

This sort of spending is without precedent -- the closest approximation for any campaign I've ever covered is make-up expenses for television interviews and commercial shoots -- , and Schmitt's weakly defensive response tonight indicates that the campaign is deeply embarrassed by it and has nothing to say in their defense.

In a time of war, many of us are looking for the executive branch to properly lead our military through these troubled times. A man you may not have heard of, Lt. Gen. Austin, is the MNC-I commander and responsible for all combatant forces in Operation Iraqi Freedom. He has adopted a modest demeanor, often carrying around an M-4 as noted by the Washington Post, seeking to be more of a soldier's soldier (much like the great Omar Bradley) as an effective means to set the standard for his troops. In a similar way, many conservatives initially saw Palin as a Washington outsider who could energize the grass-roots base. She's definitely no Lt. Gen Austin, and she is getting more and more disappointing by the day.

A Solution to the Credit Crisis That Doesn't Involve Healing Crystals

Hippies Have Strange Ways of Fixing the Economy

Hilzoy has an article at The Washington Monthly that basically says we are fucked because of the outrageous credit card debt that Americans hold:

The first is the possibility that banks will have to write off even more bad debt. Americans owe about $950 billion worth of credit card debt, and, as with mortgages, credit card debt has been securitized. The second is that banks might hoard cash if they think they will have to write down bad debts, at a time when credit is already very tight.

The author of the superb "Handmaid's Tale" and 60s-era relic, Margaret Atwood, has a strange solution to cure America of its addiction to debt [NYT]:

But we’re deluding ourselves if we assume that we can recover from the crisis of 2008 so quickly and easily simply by watching the Dow creep upward. The wounds go deeper than that. To heal them, we must repair the broken moral balance that let this chaos loose.

Debt — who owes what to whom, or to what, and how that debt gets paid — is a subject much larger than money. It has to do with our basic sense of fairness, a sense that is embedded in all of our exchanges with our fellow human beings.

Maybe it's because I'm not down with drum circles humming the beat to The Age of Aquarius, but I'm not following Atwood's fru-fru explanation on debt throwing off the earth's Karmic alignment. Here's a better idea that's comprehensible to the rest of us: quit buying crap you don't need with money you don't have, ya jackasses.

End of the Road for the Mongols MC

Arrested and Shirtless, Always a Sign of a Morally Upright Individual [photo from LAT]

The ATF and local law enforcement launched a massive crackdown on the notorious Mongols Motorcycle Club in Southern California and elsewhere this morning. While the ATF may conjure up some negative feelings about their botched raid against the Branch Davidians in Waco that left a pile of charred corpses, they most certainly had justification to use heavy-handed tactics against the thugs in the Mongols. Their history of offenses includes starting a shoot out at the Harrah's casino in Laughlin, attempted assault against law enforcement in Eugene, and suspicions that there gang is funded by the sales of methamphetamine. The LA Times mentions one disturbing fact about the colors of their insignia:

There are also patches associated with the gang's alleged sexual rituals. Members are awarded wings of varying colors for engaging in sex acts with women at pre-arranged "wing parties," the indictment states. Members who have sex with a woman with venereal disease are given green wings; those who have sex with a woman's corpse are given purple wings, according to the indictment.

In his famous book on motorcycle outlaws, Hunter S. Thompson discussed how the "red wings" were awarded to members of the Hell's Angels when they performed oral sex on a lady during "that time of the month", but necrophilia crosses the line from comic relief to moral depravity. It should be noted that the Hell's Angels and Mongols are bitter rivals, but their culture of being "one percenters" amongst bikers seems to have some similarities.

On the personal side, I once walked to the gentlemen's club near my apartment in Hollywood several years back, and saw a bunch of Mongols getting on their choppers in a hurry. I walked into the entrance expecting to see strippers soliciting me for a lap dance, but instead there was a well-dressed guy in his 20s lying face down with blood all over the place. He was still moving, but the bouncer was frantically calling the paramedics and yelling that those bikers fuck did this to him. Not sure what the poor guy did to receive such a savage beating, but I was lucky it wasn't me.

Only in California: Man Prosecuted for Bizarre Anchor Killings

From AFP:

Skylar Deleon, 29, who had a bit part in an episode of 1990s series "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers", faces the death penalty after being convicted of three counts of murder at a trial in Santa Ana, south of Los Angeles.

Deleon was accused of killing retirees Tom and Jackie Hawks in 2004 in order to steal their 500,000-dollar boat and life savings. He was also accused of killing another man in 2003 in a separate incident...

...However once out at sea, the three men overpowered the couple, handcuffing them and covering their eyes and mouths with duct tape before forcing them to sign and fingerprint title transfer documents for the yacht.

Machain, who testified for the prosecution, told how the terrified couple were then tied to the boat's anchor and lowered into the sea. Their bodies were never found.

What the hell is wrong with that damn state. I suppose, it's the craziness of California that made it so fun to live there, and a serial killer former child actor couldn't have been from anywhere else.

Germany Flying the White Flag in Afghanistan

After a particularly nasty suicide attack in the normally quiet province of Kunduz in Afghanistan, a German editorialist advocates throwing in the towel with the piece "An Unwinnable War in Afghanistan" [Deutshe Welle in English]:

The growing threat is having the effect that soldiers are sticking close to their base camps and avoiding any contact to the civilian population, which then only shows increasing animosity towards the soldiers. Clearly, such a "spiral of alienation" is no help to the reconstruction of Afghanistan. The majority of Afghans in the relatively peaceful north are still amiable to the Germans, say the generals. But if even this support starts to dwindle, there will be consequences for the entire NATO mission. It may even be that the fight for a stable, peaceful Afghanistan can no longer be won.

While Germany is the workhorse EU's economy, their weak-kneed political will to finish the fight in Afghanistan leaves much to be desired. The fact that one suicide attack could inspire an editorial like this from a NATO ally shows that terrorism as a tactic has a strong political effect (a disturbing truth). As the commitment from our NATO allies wanes, it appears Afghanistan will be fought by the Anglosphere (U.S., Canada, Britain, and Australia) and, of course, the Afghan Security Forces. But Wired has an article today citing serious problems with Operation Enduring Freedom, and our troops and whoever remains of our allies deserve a much improved strategy.

Tired of Doom and Gloom in Afghanistan: Bouhammer talks about the necessity of Embedded Tactical Teams from a first-hand perspective, and The Captain's Journal discusses measured success with the Marines in the Helmand province.

NYT Op-Ed Basically Says Suburban Guys Are a Bunch of Wimps

American Dad About To Get His Lunch Money Taken

David Brooks, conservative columnist for the NY Times, has a Modo moment and attempts to assign specific characteristics to a broad part of the population. After saying that most suburban guys are absolutely distraught that Sharper Image went belly up, the overpriced store that had useless crap like a combination tie-rack/tazer, he proclaims that most stuffed shirts out in the burbs are simply looking for a little bit of order and "respectability" [NYT]:

If you wanted to pick words to capture Patio Man’s political ideals, they would be responsibility, respectability and order. Patio Man moved to his home because he wanted an orderly place where he could raise his kids. His ideal neighborhood is Mayberry with BlackBerries.

He doesn’t expect much of government. He believes that he is responsible for his own economic destiny. But he does expect government to provide him with a background level of order.

This Patio Man caricature sounds like a real asshole you would want to punch in the face as he's slurping down Margaritas at the Chi-Chi's happy hour. Is America so self-centered that people only determine their voting patterns based on the President ensuring an individual will have enough time to go golfing on the weekend? The latest campaign grumblings focusing specifically on whether or not you will get a tax cut seem to suggest this. The trend of democracy to focus on "What's in it For Me" is counter productive to the purpose of the federal government to protect rights on a country-wide level and defend national sovereignty. Everyone wants a ride on Uncle Sugar's train, and the politician who can provide the most goodies is probably going to win.

There may be a bunch of these "Patio Men" lurking in the burbs wondering why their neighbor's lawn is greener than theirs, but I hope there is a least a couple of "Duffel Bag Full of Guns Men" like Michael Douglas' character in Falling Down. A laid-off schmoe who is pissed off by the decay and bullshit of society and isn't afraid to confront it with an arsenal.

Al Jazeera English Goes to Detroit

Interesting video of Michiganders talking about the upcoming election for Al-Jazeera English. I don't like to name drop, but a friend of mine made this (reflected glory, damnit). Detroit was once a great city, so what the hell happened? Watch the video and draw your own conclusions.

Madman Joe has a "Bring it On" Moment

Joe Biden is really amping up the "Democrats can be Tough Guys Too" rhetoric that was a big part of The Obama's acceptance speech. From Fox News at a rally in Tacoma

“Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America.” he told a fundraising crowd in the Pacific Northwest on Sunday. “Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

“He’s gonna have to make some really tough - I don’t know what the decision’s gonna be, but I promise you it will occur. As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it’s gonna happen.”

What the shit? It sounds like Biden is hoping for some catastrophic tragedy so that he can prove a point about The Obama not being a wimp. Well, I hope the "international crisis" is the long-awaited Attack of the 50-foot woman in one of our fair cities. First off, she's a babe, and second, it would be much more preferable to be killed by Snu-Snu rather than getting incinerated by a nuclear explosion from whatever jihad group is pissed off that week.

Not A Terrible Way to Go

Fear and Loathing in the Republican Party

Navigating the Bad Craziness in the GOP

Once upon a time, long long ago, if you were in the military, you were a Republican by default. When I first joined the Navy, the Democrats sort of had an image problem as being a bunch of mealy-mouthed wimps looking to take away the right to bear arms and use taxpayer dollars to seduce vivacious looking young women while roasting an American flag. Clinton totally "gutting" the military in the 90s and getting weird with the large and in-charge Monica Lewinsky helped fuel this perception. In those days, the only reason I voted Libertarian was because of GOP support for the ill-advised drug war, but I pretty much told acquaintances at the time I was a Republican, because I was too damn lazy to explain the need for third parties in America. My line of thinking was pretty similar to what you would hear on right-wing radio pre-9/11 & pre-Bush. I saw the Republicans as the bastions of limited federal spending, individual rights, and a bad-ass national defense apparatus.

Oh, how the times have changed. The federal government has broken the $10 Trillion debt watermark with such ludicrous and wasteful spending measures it would make a Nigerian scam artist blush (the most recent bailout supported by Bush further exasperated my concerns). The Rumsfeld plan to turn our nation's military into an army of Mega-Mans outfitted with wizbang gizmos might have been swell for elite teams taking on the Predator, but it was a tremendous strategic error to not invest in all of our troops during wide-scale counter-insurgency operations. And now, it seems the Republicans are losing their military base, which is key for any political group seeking to be viewed as the "U.S.A. #1" party. Michelle Obama, once derided as a snooty Marxist plant, is really yukking it up with military families to offer support and empathy. And, the associated Blue Star Families for Obama seems like a respectable organization, and the only criticism I can levy against them is that they don't focus enough on single military personnel (a push for making the drinking age 18 would alleviate my concerns). In other words, the Obama aren't going to be labeled CHUDs anytime soon.

Then, this weekend, the final nail got whacked in the coffin with Colin Powell coming out for Sen. Obama. From CNN:

Powell told NBC's Tom Brokaw that he was troubled by the McCain campaign's attempts to associate Obama with former '60s radical William Ayers and some within the Republican Party -- but not McCain -- were making the assertion that Obama is "closet" Muslim.

"On the Republican side, over the last seven weeks, the approach of the Republican Party and Mr. McCain has become narrower and narrower," said Powell.

Rush Limbaugh foolishly implying that Colin Powell's decision was solely a function of race sure isn't sending any swing voters back to the GOP. Powell brings up an important point that using Palin as an attack dog against Obama has been an incredibly lame campaign strategy. I actually had some hope for her as an individual who could really shake up the party by distancing the Next Right from all the special interests groups that gum up the works, but, instead, she has resorted to zzz-inducing attacks about people from the city being anti-American and even has catered to fringe religious groups with her support for a federal marriage defense amendment. This hearkens back to what made me dislike the GOP in the first place. Endlessly distracting the party base with non-issues about all brown people needing to speak English and the so-called insipid invasion of Islamic culture on our shores, while real issues like war and the economy went unnoticed and unquestioned. I guess I'm not Islamaphobic about Muslim-Americans, primarily because I was in LA when 9/11 happened, and most Muslims were wondering why the Taliban hadn't been nuked yet. Well that and the fact that winning against extremists requires the support of a moderate population in foreign lands (often with a large Muslim demographic). Sure, I'm just some schmuck with a blog comparable to a 13-year old's MySpace page, but if the Republicans got back to the basics (namely limited federal spending, individual rights, and a bad-ass national defense apparatus), maybe I'd consider voting for them. Maybe some other people would too.

A Fallen Soldier's Thoughts on America

Stephen Fortunato: KIA Afghanistan

Wow, this is pretty hardcore. From the Boston Globe (h/t Greta):

I am doing my part in fighting a very real enemy of the United States, i.e. Taliban, Al Qaida, and various other radical sects of Islam that have declared war on our way of life. Unless you believe the events of 9/11 were the result of a government conspiracy, which by the way would make you a MORON, there is no reasonable argument you can make against there being a true and dangerous threat that needs to be dealt with. i don't care if there are corporations leaching off the war effort to make money, and i don't care if you don't think our freedom within America's borders is actually at stake. i just want to kill those who would harm my family and friends. it is that simple. Even if this is just a war for profit or to assert America's power, so what? Someone has to be on top and I want it to be us. There's nothing wrong with wishing prosperity for your side.

In our emo/wuss culture in post-modern America, where people seem to be more interested in what the government can provide for you in order to shirk your personal responsibilities, I'm very grateful that there is a small band of people willing to fight for America. Guys like Stephen have been protecting our country for hundreds of years, and while some folks might shrink away at his harsh words for dissenters, don't give him any less respect that he rightfully deserves. R.I.P.

Late Nite Tunes: Screeching Weasel - Super Market Fantasy

Before pop punk got too carried away with itself, there was Chicago's Screeching Weasel.

Super Fun Time Weekend Thread!

Thanks to Sniper for the hilarity to kick off the weekend.

I'm down south for the next few weeks doing Navy crap, so I'm going to go find some decent Country/Southern Rock bars this weekend and try to conceal my shameful yankeeness. What are you guys /gals doing?

Don't forget to check out Nir Rosen's embed with the Taliban where he almost gets decapitated. Very important piece of journalism to digest, although I disagree on negotiating with the Taliban.

Petraeus Tank to Spread Teh Justice Throughout Iraq

Here's an interesting story from the NYT Baghdad Bureau. Seems the Iraqi Minister of Defense might want to name the perspective M1A1 Abrams Tank sales after the former head of MNF-I:

Abdul Qader Mohammed Jassem, the Minister of Defense, publicly floated the notion at a farewell ceremony for General Petraeus in the Green Zone last month.

With brass bands in attendance the minister said that the recently-elevated head of U.S. Central Command contributed greatly to building up the Iraqi military while serving as the American commander in Iraq and earlier as head of the U.S. training command there.

“I think it would be suitable to name the first tank to arrive in General Petraeus’s name,” he said.

“When they have M1 tanks working with them and supporting them they will remember General Petraeus.”

P4 was the senior commander in Iraq when violence saw a remarkable decline, after it looked like all hope was lost. Moveon.Org even tried to discredit Petraeus as a low-life Republican hack when he testified that the surge was working back in September 2007. Their credibility going down the toilet might have been bad in an election season for them, but it was a good thing for the rest of us as Iraq saw considerable improvements.

VA Paperwork Gets Shitcanned by Accident

Whoops! My Bad.

If you ever wondered why you had to file a VA claim 37 times, this might help explain. Numerous original documents filed by veteran claimants were slated for shredding when there was no duplicates on file. From Computerworld:

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs' undersecretary for benefits has ordered all VA regional offices to suspend document shredding activities after several original copies of veterans' applications for financial benefits were found among those slated for shredding.

No duplicates existed for the documents that had been scheduled for destruction, which meant if they had been shredded, applications would have been lost. The offices process veterans' applications for disability pay, pensions, home loans and other financial benefits.

Had the documents been destroyed, the action "might have affected the fate of veterans' applications," for benefits, the VA said in a statement issued today.

This doesn't sound like some Enron-style creative accounting, but rather just your standard bumbling bureaucracy that we've come to expect from our federal services. It should be noted that we once found a sailor's entire medical record heading for the shredder on my old boat, which shows how the mountains of paperwork you have to deal with in public service can get mixed up like a scene from Brazil. For all you people clamoring for socialized health care, consider this an omen for what to expect.

High School Junior in Jail For Zombie Paraphernalia

Creativity Lands You in the Clink These Days

Sure, no one wants to see anymore Columbines, but these zero-tolerance policies seem to go a little overboard at times. A high schooler is being charged with a felony because his fictional story about zombies taking over his school have been construed as a terrorist threat. From the NBC Affiliate in Lexington, KY:

"My story is based on fiction," said Poole, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. "It's a fake story. I made it up. I've been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies."

William Poole is hardly a threat to society and could even be the next George Romero we have been waiting for all these years. But at least the public authorities didn't dope him up on Ritalin to sap his creativity, like they do with most independent-minded kids these days. The Marquis De Sade was able to write in prison, but mind-altering ADD drugs would probably turn Mr. Poole into one of the zombies he wrote about.

Tough Girl 101 Needs $$$ For A Good Cause

Tough Girl 101 wants to participate in the Bataan Memorial Marathon in New Mexico, which honors Americans and Filipinos who were coerced into the grisly and brutal death march in 1942 of the same name. My gramps was involved in the liberation of the Philipines, so for me it's a no-brainer to support something like this. Unfortunately, the rigorous physical training would get in the way of my smoking habit, so do the next best thing and give her money via Paypal to do it for the rest of us lazy bums. Tough Girl is a broke college student, so if she was like me she eats Ramen noodles and Budget Gourmet everyday and doesn't have insurance on her car that leaks oil all the damn time. Help her out with some funding before the feds seize your money for something stupid.

HuffPo Moran Calls Joe the Plumber a Parasite

After the media & netroots spent the last 24 hours digging through Joe the Plumber's garbage and connecting him with the Keating Five somehow, Joe continues to get smacked upside the head with a monkey wrench for daring to ask The Obama an unscripted question. This is the latest smear job against a guy who works for a living over on the Huffington Post (h/t Libertarian Republican):

No, Joe, you're not a typical American. You're a leech who wants to beat the rest of the hard-working Americans who worked hard to build a country where you can make a good living. You're a parasite who's bought the message of the Newt Gingrich-Ronald Reagan right wingers who have worked hard to destroy the US government one regulation, one agency at a time.

Ouch! Mr. Kall's commentary against working stiffs might be a bit overbearing, because why would a voter dare question how his tax dollars were being spent by the federal government? With the Ponzi scheme of Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid which loses billions of dollars a year in corruption, and other essential Federal Government functions like researching how BeeGees music helps with CPR, it's hard to see why Joe might be disillusioned.

Of course, Mr. Kall stands to gain big from people schlepping over their tax dollars in tough economic times. His business, Futurehealth, sells EEG machines in the $2,000 - $3,000 range. While average Joes might think that's a bit expensive and be hesitant to purchase such an item for home use, huge federal subsidies would help Mr. Kall rake in the profits. This is just like the Scooter Store, which advertises that its designer geezer-mobiles can be billed to the federal government from the Medicare program. Of course, we're all "unpatriotic" because we have these concerns about our federal budget which is running a massive deficit, but at least we're not morans.

Could Joe the Plumber Actually Be Jihad Joe the Terrorist?

A shocking resemblance!

Joe the Plumber has captivated the nation's heart as an allegorical representation of the ultimate swing voter. This hapless fella from Ohio even was subjected to a press conference, and he seems completely baffled as to why he has reached 15-minutes of fame. Says Joe:

"I'm a flash in the pan, not a megastar," Wurzelbacher told reporters today. "I'm not Matt Damon. I'm not any of those guys who have droves of women and men who want to be them or will vote for them because Matt Damon said so. I love his movies but I don't have that kind of power."

Joe's questioning of Obama seemed to trip up the presidential candidate a bit, so, naturally, surrogates in the netroots were quick to fully disclose Joe's personal information [Daily Kos], accuse him of being a devious Keating Five operative [Crooks and Liars], and even mentioned that a tax lien was placed against him for the shocking amount of $1,183 [Politico]. But this is all small potatoes compared to the question they should really be asking: Is Joe actually a terrorist out to derail the Obama campaign? There's that Adam Gadahn Al-Qaeda fatso still at large, and Joe himself is really packing on the pounds and bears some resemblance (he's from the state of Ohio which is known for trouble). Joe also has a pack of smokes prominently displayed on his coffee table, presumably to lace with PCP and give to children on Halloween to get them to vote McCain. So you netrootsy people really need to dig deeper into this incredible controversy.

Unfortunately for Joe and through no fault of his own, he will be discarded into the cultural abyss of other one-hit wonders like Jared from Subway and Vanilla Ice. Maybe Wek's idea to have Joe the Plumber and Joe the Sixpack hold a thunderdome-style Battle Royale would be a good way to make the last few weeks of this election not completely unbearable. Other than that, leave Joe alone, you assholes.

BlogTalkRadio Alert - 1900 Tonite

For all you nerdy military types who enjoy hanging out with internet people and perusing blogs, tonight's YouServed podcast cannot be missed. It's being hosted by CJ with guests Big Tobacco and an IVAW member (I assume it's Army Sergeant). Be there and be square at 1900 EST. I plan on calling in to make sure that CJ is keeping the Space Camp in Huntsville safe and sound amidst all the economic chaos lately.

You Know Who's A Real Bozo, Chavez

[File Photo] Chavez successfully locates South America on Imperialist-made Globe

Hollyweird's favorite autocrat, funnyman Hugo Chavez, one-upped his previous zingers about Bush being the Devil and the German Chancellor being Hitler with this latest tripe [Reuters by way of Reason]:

Chavez, who calls capitalism an evil and ex-Cuban leader Fidel Castro his
mentor, ridiculed Bush for his plan for the federal government to take equity in
American banks despite the U.S. right-wing's criticism of Venezuelan
nationalizations.

"Bush is to the left of me now," Chavez told an
audience of international intellectuals debating the benefits of socialism.
"Comrade Bush announced he will buy shares in private banks."

Silly Chavez, Bush is not a neo-Trotskyite. Our government is actually engaged in a bipartisan economic plan to ensure business executives of failed corporations are able to take lavish hunting trips in England at the taxpayer's expense under the guise of saving America. Maybe if we stopped importing this clown's oil he would STFU.

Obama's Needs A Stronger Position on Fiscal Policy Reform, 12 Galaxies

Here's a fun little site to annoy your co-workers who can't get enough Obama. It basically allows you to spread the gospel by plastering a phrase of your choosing into modern propaganda. I chose "12 Galaxies", because Mr. Frank Chu is way more inspirational to the little guy than Joe the Plumber, and maybe we can finally get Clinton impeached.

Frank Chu Tells It Like It Is

Reality in Photographs

At a time when our conflicts are taking a backburner to talks of economic collapse and what's on Joe the Plumber's mind regarding tax policy, it's important to remember that there's two wars going on overseas where our troops are. Jules Crittenden provides a link to a series of powerful photographs of Iraq/A-stan at Battlespace Online. They are incredibly brutal, but incredibly necessary to see to help comprehend the reality of modern conflict that our troops live every day. We tend to view war from the prism of domestic politics all the way back in our comfortable living conditions in the states, and I'm thankful for the photographers that shatter our illusions about what it's like...that and I'm appreciative of our troops and allies who suffer through this reality day in and day out. If it wasn't for them, I would've been dead.

Also, didja hear that Al-Qaeda's #2 guy in Iraq got schwacked. Apparently, the dude was executing foreign fighters who wouldn't carry out suicide bombings, which shows how poorly managed and how low morale is for the enemy. And you thought Wall Street was a dysfunctional group of people.

This "Joe the Plumber" Guy

McCain keeps bringing up "Joe the Plumber" in this third and final nasty debate, so who the fuck is this guy? From Fox News:

Barack Obama told a tax-burdened plumber over the weekend that his economic philosophy is to "spread the wealth around" -- a comment that may only draw fire from riled-up John McCain supporters who have taken to calling Obama a "socialist" at the Republican's rallies.

Obama made the remark, caught on camera, after fielding some tough questions from the plumber Sunday in Ohio, where the Democratic candidate canvassed neighborhoods and encouraged residents to vote early.

"Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?" the plumber asked, complaining that he was being taxed "more and more for fulfilling the American dream."

"It's not that I want to punish your success. I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance for success too," Obama responded. "My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody ... I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

Eric Dondero has more on Mr. Joe, and the bald plumber is being gussied up like a modern day John Galt. Probably because he cuts through the bullshit and wonders why his tax dollars have to be foisted upon social parasites that blew their money on homes they couldn't afford. I'm not against taxes per se, if they actually went to pay down our outrageous debt and were spent on government functions specifically called out in the Constitution (like defense). But politicians these days think have no qualms with looting the public trust to give money to certain sectors of the population that are on the fence (this is a problem with both Repubs and Dems). Attitudes like Joe's show that America still has some common sense and isn't willing to capitulate like a bunch of wimps "for our own good".

Because Porn Was the Original Purpose for the Internet

Amanda Carpenter of Townhall is downright miffed that Larry Flynn is making a porn starring a Palin lookalike. The American culture warriors lost big time on stopping the indestructible sway of easily-accessible DP shots, and should just give up on being outraged. Even Jesus showed up to a porn convention not long ago. And so you don't think I'm leaving out the ladies, check out this 7-1/2" Obama special, which allows you to bring the obamamania into the shower.

Ghastly 1528 pound Pumpkin Invades America

From a California pumpkin contest comes this vulgar display of agriculture. How come no one makes "fun for the whole fam-damily" Jack-O-Lanterns anymore? It can only be surmised that these diseased-looking monstrosities are being foisted upon the earth to provide food for our soon-to-arive alien overlords. Young children are encouraged to smash pumpkins on Halloween and Devil's Night to do their patriotic duty for Planet Earth.

David Frum Takes On Rachel Maddow

David "Little Mac" Frum Taking On the Wusses at MSNBC

David Frum mocks the pundit Rachel Maddow on her MSNBC show for lounging in the gutter while discussing politics. My favorite commentary site is the snarky Wonkette, so I hardly profess to take politics completely seriously, but it's odd that liberals are so defensive about this issue:

MADDOW: Do you think that my tone on this show is equivalent to people calling Barack Obama somebody who ‘pals around with terrorists,’ people yelling from the…people yelling from the audience at McCain/Palin rallies, kill him, off with his head, traitor, are you accusing me of an equivalence in tone?

We've been subjected to the last 8 years of bashing the executive branch from 911 being a Zionist conspiracy to start the Iraq war to the less nuanced "Fuck Bush" attire found on college campuses. Now that an Obama presidency is imminent, these people are already rushing to declare anyone not on the Hopeenchange express as right wing wackos jerking off to the American flag and Guns N' Ammo. I usually find this rhetoric humorous from all parties, but when people adopt it with a sense of moral certainty that they are somehow above criticism for such crude tactics, you can only predict troubled times ahead for non-liberals.

Join or Die: Obama Calls For Women in the Selective Service

Amidst a slew of largesse being promised by the major candidates ranging from federal buy-outs of McMansions to using the already-strapped Medicare program for the sake of transporting geezers in luxurious scooters, one statement that actually required people to do something for their nation might've flown under the radar. Greyhawk directs our attention to Obama's thoughts on women in the Selective Service system [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]:

Even as the U.S. confronts two long wars, neither Sen. John McCain nor Sen. Barack Obama believes the country should take the politically perilous step of reviving the military draft. But the two presidential candidates disagree on a key foundation of any future draft: Mr. Obama supports a requirement for both men and women to register with the Selective Service, while Mr. McCain doesn't think women should have to register. Also, Mr. Obama would consider officially opening combat positions to women. Mr. McCain would not.

Often the very mention of "The Draft" carries the same devastating political reprucussions as calling "Main Street" Americans a pack of slobbering imbeciles for being fleeced by the mortgage industry. Memories of Vietnam and nations like the Soviet Union enforcing conscription have definitely made The Draft about as popular as Kramer at the Laugh Factory. But, the Constitution vaguely refers to conscription in Article I Section 8:

To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years

There would be a host of problems with reviving the draft, to include shitty morale within the military, massive discipline problems, and a new era of whining from the whiniest generation in history. However, it is interesting to see the Obama campaign bring up this politically poisonous topic when campaigning has become less about what's good for the nation and more about which candidate will emulate Santa Claus the most by dishing out free government goodies.

Could McCain Win the Coveted Waffle House Vote?

With Barack Obama already offering McCain a job for his future administration, and Paul Krugman already freaking out about those crazy non-liberals wreaking havoc in retaliation, I'm guessing Mr. Obama has it locked up in the polls. But have the pundits given any thought to the all-important Waffle House poll? Blueberries are for Obama and Strawberries are for McCain (I think). The Waffle House is as prevalent in the South as coffee shops in the PacNorthwest, and I always make sure to swing by whenever I'm passing through. I was going to inquire about the margin of error on the waffle poll to the waitress, but the young teenager accused me of being "nasty" when I said that Jacksonville having a plethora of strip clubs was not necessarily a bad thing. I figured it was time to be moseying along.

Ron Paul Getting No Respect

As spotted in the SeaTac Airport parking lot. The Vincent Price stache is classy, but the cock n' balls might be going a bit too far.

Barack's NYC

A beat-up car on Wall Street, Could it Be an Omen of Our Collapse?

I have the opinion of NYC that most Americans do, it's the most interesting and important cities in America, but I could never live there. It's a blast to stumble around drunk through the cultural mecca of our nation, while a million people doing a million different things trudge past you. But, the celebrated surliness of New Yorkers that I first encountered back in the late 90s, when a carload of gentlemen flicked me off for bumbling with a map at a traffic light in the Village, seems to have given way to Obamamania. There is Obama shit everywhere: people wearing shirts, people talking excitedly about the campaign, people saying how disgusted they are with Palin, etc. The only guy with a non-Obama themed political message was the crazy man in the subway who announced that the stock market crash was because "man was an animal that had lost his way" and the lost assets were now the "property of Satan...in hell". I suppose it's an interesting piece of history to be living with so much hype and participation in a general election, but I always thought New York was supposed to be more intelligent and cynical than the rest of us rubes. How can we trust anyone in Washington when the last decent president we've had was Lincoln (okay, maybe Eisenhower was not terrible)? This is frightening, as a lack of criticism and overwatch from the general population of the Executive Branch could have heinous consequences. I'm not going to cry and pout about a rigged election if Obama wins, and I hope that actually is indeed a decent president, but he has made a lot of promises to a lot of people that I just can't see coming to fruition. A man passing by in the Bowery told me to "Vote Obama Ferchrissakes". You can't pay for that kind of product placement.

Gone Drinkin' and Some Other Miscellaneous Items

My apologies, bloggin' will be a bit light the next several days as I embarrass the Navy in NYC at a wedding, followed by heading down south for work-related stuff. Once I get situated in the swank barracks, I'll be back to cover more of the inevitable collapse of civilization. In the meantime, here's some links to gorge yourselves on:

Angry Old Guy: Some old dude, who looks suspiciously pregnant, is "really mad" about how much our country is suckin' at a McCain rally. I whole-heartedly agree, as sometimes life can be like the screenplay from Falling Down and you just gotta start shooting up the place.

Vets Duke it Out: TSO and Jonn at This Ain't Hell continue to deal with blogfamedom after being linked by the heavies at Little Green Footballs and Hot Air. While they are interviewing shirtless with Rolling Stone and doing Coke off some young babe's ass due to their increased traffic, remember to read the source of the controversy which has to do with the IAVA report card being suspiciously Pro-Dem. I'm staying out of this battle as I hate picking sides in vet-on-vet punditry, but I encourage everyone to hear both sides of the story before they rush to any conclusions.

Anti-Gay Site Has Incredibly Gay Totebags for Sale: Reason discusses the heated feud regarding various propositions around the country which will ban gay marriage. The website dedicated to passing Prop. 8 in CA (Protect Marriage) has some extremely ironic and flaming yellow manpacks for sale if you are interested in the cause. I don't care what private citizens do in their spare time or who they want to marry, that's none of my damn business. And I find it odd that anti-gay groups (the endorsers of Protect Marriage are of the Jesus variety) have guys like this leading things like "Gospel Aerobics" (h/t SubRookie).

WA Politics: And you thought the Presidential campaigns were getting ugly. Check out this ad that has been continuously running during the commercials while I spend the evening watching Gossip Girls with a bucket of Ben N' Jerrys. It pretty much says if you vote for the incumbent governor, creepy sex offenders are going to come to your house and sell your children's kidneys on eBay.

Civilization Fails: Uh..Civilization Fails, but at least we had a pretty good run.

NSA Spies on My Buddies in the Green Zone: So I never had a cell phone in Iraq, and it's probably a good thing, because apparently the NSA, America's uber-spook organization, was listening in on cell phone calls coming out the Green Zone. Besides hearing schnooze-inducing conversations about how hot it is in Baghdad and what the kids learned at school for the day, they also were passing around transcripts from steamy phone calls. I'm not sure what this has to do with counter-terrorism, but fortunately your tax dollars are being used wisely. Below is a picture of my buddy, now in Anbar, (who spent some time with me in the Green Zone last year) stacking up against a nefarious cow. The NSA probably should've monitored more of his phone calls. Gotta love the Marines.

Dumb and Delicious Livestock, better than an MRE, and won't give you the shits like KBR food

Revenge of the Nerds; Geeks Pull More Tail Thank Jocks

Lewis and Gilbert Coveted By the Omega Mus and Then Some

Interesting tidbit from ABC:

Lonely men ought to flaunt their copies of New Scientist. Women looking for both one-night stands and long-term relationships go for geniuses over dumb jocks, according to a new study of hundreds of university students.

"Women want the best of both worlds. Not only a physically attractive man, but somebody in the long term who can provide for them," says Mark Prokosch, an evolutionary psychologist at Elon University in North Carolina, who led the study.

Of course if you delve further into the article, it seems as though women really want BOTH intelligence and good physical features for either long-term romances or one-night bonefests. That's asking a lot from the ladies in the standards department, and you feministas have to remember that you're competing with an endless supply of porn available to us boorish males. I say if you land a guy that knows how to put on a pair of pants and has only two illegitimate kids, you've found yourself a winner!

Thoughts on the Debate; All Hail Obama and His Glorious Empire!

Well I thought it was pretty evenly matched, but too bad for McCain he needed a miracle to alleviate his epic drop in the polls. Even Karl Rove was calling this election for Obama before this debate started, and I didn't see McCain take out any magical fairydust out of his knickers to pull this one off. Time to get a grip on reality and understand that Obama is probably going to be running the country in a few months...and planning accordingly. Here's some dumb thoughts:

Where's The Money Lebowski!: Neither Obama nor McCain could answer the question about future obligations for entitlement programs without diverting the topic to immediate plans for tax relief. That probably has to do with them needing to win the election in the short-term, and the long-term ramifications of entitlement programs are just too damn depressing to think about for the average voter. I don't plan on living past 40, so I should be good to go, but the rest of you should probably bury a bunch of money in your backyard before aging boomers can get their mitts on it for yoga classes in their twilight years. There was a time when young people respected the elderly, but that was before the Ponzi schemes known as Medicare and Social Security became part of the collective conscious.

So, Healthcare is a Right Now: I'm a big fan of worldwide natural rights, such as institutions not being able to force people to think a certain way, not being coerced to see shitty chick flicks, and not being able to deprive others of those rights. But referring to healthcare as a "right" is a bit disturbing, because it requires the compulsive services of doctors, nurses, people developing medical technology, etc. Does that mean that I can willfully deprive those hardworking folks of their liberty just so I can get the ass implant I always wanted? Hmm. Obama is implying that we should mandate socialized healthcare the same way we have the right to free speech. I would sure like to know how we are going to pay for that shit. In fairness, McCain is the guy who wants the federal government to buy up foreclosed homes, so that money troff in Washington must run pretty damn deep.

Obama Fires a Zinger at AIG: The plutocrats at AIG have already stolen $61B of the $85B in taxpayer dollars that our unprincipled wangs in Washington handed over. A week after AIG got a piece of this "bailout", a bunch of the upper management went to some resort in CA for $400K. Obama said the CEO should be shitcanned, which struck a chord with me. But then I remembered that both Obama and McCain approved "The Bomb", and I just got pissed off two seconds later.

Energy: Seems like Obama and McCain both supported Nuke power, and McCain even mentioned that he spent some time on carriers run by nuclear power...cool! Of course he didn't mention that one nuclear operator in the Navy costs about $250,000 to train, and new nuclear plants cost multiple billion dollars. They might be profitable if oil prices continue to go through the roof, or a cap and trade system is implemented, but it's going to be a lot of dough, and considering we're going to be burning trash and dead squirrels in a barrel for the next four years due to the economy tanking, I'm just not sure Americans will be onboard with such massive projects for energy independence. As for my Navy nuclear training, you should feel honored that you, the taxpayers, spent a quarter of a million dollars on me and all you got is this lousy blog.

(for ABWF, on Obama talking about government research and computers: the first "general purpose electronic" computer was ENIAC which was developed by the Army during WWII for firing artillery. But, technically, the Abacus is probably a computer that was been around forever, but was invented by Al Gore.)

Afg/Pakistan: I never thought the Democrat would be the guy wanting to go Dr. Strangelove on the nuclear-armed Pakistan, while the Republican took a more nuanced approach. Seems a little hardcore, and I'm wondering if the State Dept. in Pakistan is going to have to do some damage control tomorrow. But, Obama recovered well and cited that supporting dictator Musharaf was probably a lousy idea on the Bush administration's part. Afg/Pakistan is really complicated, and it's tough to discuss in a townhall forum when the people running for Commander-in-Chief are fielding questions from the rubes in palookaville, ansewering ridiculous questions about their favorite flavor of ice cream or whatever the fuck that last question was.

Iraq: Didn't seem to come up much. I guess when stability broke out, it no longer became such a hot-button issue that it was at the beginning of this presidential campaign eons ago. I'd say that speaks loudly of what our troops did there. McCain's support for the successful surge strategy is definitely a big plus in my book, but it's in the past. Obama went further back into the past and cited McCain supporting the initial authorization for the use of military force, which still pisses off Americans.

Veterans Issues: IAVA came out with a very comprehensive grading system for DC politicians today (Obama got a B, and McCain got a D) based on how they voted on issues like the Webb GI Bill. TSO disagrees with Paul Rieckhoff's analysis in a very-detailed post, but I still consider Paul a very trustworthy dude who has done a lot for our generation of vets. But I urge IAVA to give both Obama and McCain a big fat F, because they FAILed to even mention veterans issues. A panel of vets at the NY Times were not very impressed with this lack of discussion. But we're a small voting bloc and we need to realize that there is going to be a serious lack of tax revenue to pay for vets benefits. Hang on, because it's going to be a wild ride.

Thanks to everyone who hung out at the chat room on This Ain't Hell. Politics is a vile, nasty business, but sooner or later, it is going to fuck you in the ass. We're just trying to stay educated on the subject. What are your thoughts on the debate?

Join Your Fellow Proles For A Lively Debate

Jonn at This Ain't Hell is hosting a chat session where you can drink from the comfort of your home and shoot your mouth off. Swing on by!

DaveC Gets Booted off Obsidian Wings

DaveC, often the lone dissenter amidst a swarm of liberal commenters, has been booted off the left-leaning website Obsidian Wings for a comment about Democrats supporting dictators. Was his comment nasty? Probably. Was it necessary? Yes. I will always maintain that the internet should be a sewer with the occasional moments of thoughtful insight mixed up with a YouTube video of Geraldo getting punched in the face or something. That's the only reason we keep coming back, because it is a sea of humor in a dull, soul-crushing world. Too many left-leaning blogs like Daily Kos and HuffPo take themselves way too seriously and end up being boring, elitist caricatures of the media they so often decry. Political-themed blogging seems to be turning into a mob-like Leviathan seeking to silence dissenting opinions with torches n' pitchforks, while parroting talking points from one of the two major political parties. Well, here's to DaveC for keeping real, even if some might consider him a dick. In honor of DaveC, below is a sassy Palin video set to German techno that you probably would only hear during a sheize porn:

In Front of Decrepit-Looking Soda Jerk, Bush Says Economy Will be A-OK

Bush spoke to reporters in front the Olmos Pharmacy Soda Fountain and said that "In the long run the economy is going to be fine. It is a resilient economy, a productive economy" (AFP). I dunno...I'm half expecting The Fonz to come strolling out the door in the background to remind us that our society is moving so far backwards because of this shitass economy. Bush could've inspired at least a little more optimism by relating to the late 90s, when the Dow first hit 10,000, with some Seinfeldesque one-liners and talking about hoarding bottled water for Y2K.

But since politicians are generally only cut out to hurt the economy through taxes and wasteful spending, it's nice to see Bob Barr shed some light on the BOMB (Bush-McCain-Obama Bailout):

Congress passed the $700 billion Wall Street bailout on Friday, supported by both Senators John McCain and Barack Obama. The U.S. stock market promptly dropped. Over the weekend the financial crisis threatened European banks, and stock prices across Asia and Europe tanked. So much for the argument that the bailout was necessary to calm the markets.

Not that I enjoy seeing my IRA reduced to 7 cents, a button, and a packet of magic beans, but he seems to understand the actual causes behind this fiasco instead of just repeating jingoistic optimism about everything getting better.

The Military Goes Political

When I joined the Navy back in 2002, talking politics seemed to be a little taboo. It's an understandable policy as the military is subservient to civilian leaders that are democratically elected... and no one in America wants some Generalissimo seizing the White House in a violent coup. But that policy seemed to trickle down to where military personnel didn't even want to think about politics because of some "unspoken rule" I never really understood.

Well, I'm proud to say that times are a-changin' based on my own personal observations. My boss asked me if I was an "Obama guy" the other day (yeah, I know, thanks for nothing, sir), Joe in Iraq talks about who he's pulling for this election, The Left Captain talks about terrorist thugs being even worse than *gasp* Darth Cheney, and Uber Pig at Blackfive makes valid points for scrapping the War on Drugs (something the candidates won't even talk about). Being completely ignorant of politics gave us a bonehead Secretary of Defense that completely undermined sound military advice that resulted in disastrous policy decisions early on in the Bush era. I say we can't afford to remain apolitical, and it's heartening that this taboo is going by the wayside.

Freaky Christian Zionists Invade My Mailbox

Luckily, their literature makes for a good coaster

So I usually never get anything good in my old-school mail, except the occasional coupon from Deja Vu on a 2-for-1 lap dance, but I was totally ecstatic to get this creepy propaganda on the coming end of the world today. It seems to be from one of these eschatology groups (see Blumenthal's Rapture Ready for a good explanation). Basically, they advocate starting a nuclear war between Iran and Israel to bring about the end times and the second coming of Jesus. Transcribed:

Worldwide upheaval will lead to the rise of the "Beast", which is the world dictator and a council of ten leaders (with three removed). They will have power on a global scale. He will, for a time, bring order to chaos. He will appear to resolve world problems. He will make a 7 year peace treaty with Israel, but after 3.5 years he will break that peace and invade Israel.

I don't even know what the hell these people are talking about, but it's either an anti-Obama 527 or a prelude to Maiden's new album. It keeps going (and then some):

Israel will suffer greatly at the hands of its enemies but at the end of this 7 year tribulation period, God will sovereignly interven: the armies of the world will ultimate go to war against the Lord himself. But the Lord, who is called Faithful and True, will bring swift judgement against the Antichrist, the one world government, and the armies of the world. He will utterly consume them all.

It's not sounding like a very good time to make long-term property investments, but fortunately for us, Jesus eventually shows up:

Jesus Christ Himself, the Prince of Peace, will rule over the nations, and He will restore the earth to its original beauty and balance.

I'm not really anti-religion or even against people putting this craziness in my mailbox, but when some of our leaders seem to advocate foreign policy based on beliefs like this, I understand why there is separation of Church and State.

The website the literature invites you to visit is BibleGateway.com, which is advertised by this little fat kid talking about how it's fun to rock out to Bible verses. The website hardly seems malign or political, and I'm just not understanding how the Bible can be taken to advocate such an extremist foreign policy.

Soldiers Trippin' Out, Finally Understand the Meaning of "The Wall"

This is sort of interesting. The DoD has released information on various chemical and biological tests conducted on military personnel from the 40s up until the 70s. The website is a treasure trove of information, and it even discusses LSD being given to soldiers to monitor mental and physical reactions. From Chemical-Biological Warfare Exposures:

Additional testing of LSD occurred at Fort McClellan (1959-1960) and Dugway Proving Ground (1959). The personnel tested at Fort McClellan were volunteers from the Chemical School. After exposure to LSD, these volunteers performed various military and non-military tasks. Little information relating to LSD testing at Dugway Proving Ground is available today. The test apparently involved four officers who were administered LSD and then required to teach a class.

These officers were supposedly volunteers, and "they" supposedly don't do these tests anymore. But I knew something was up when I was screaming about the pink alien invasion buck naked in the bilge a few years ago. Unfortunately, the website doesn't get into the Frank Olson story, who jumped out of a window after being heavily dosed with LSD during the CIA's MKULTRA experiments, but it is still pretty damn interesting.

Proof That Jesus Died in Vain: Obamaerobics

The fact that dorky white people can't dance cannot be overstated. One only needs to attend a local wedding to understand that drunk people "shaking their booty" to a Mambo Number 5 remix is a precursor for stabbing yourself in the face with a soldering iron. The young African-American members professing their admiration for Obama in military fatigues registered about a 0.2 on the outrage scale for myself, primarily because I know black fraternities are into that sort of thing and they have some rhythm for God's sakes. These retro/emo/hipster weenies are total embarrassments with an accompanying website that doesn't even have a hint of irony. Please stop the madness before a spandex-clad and menopausal Olivia Newton-John teams up with this abomination.

(h/t Slog)

Naomi Wolf Freaking Out the Puget Sound With Lies About the Military

Moran Naomi Wolf Continues To Not Heed Advice

Feminist moran, Naomi Wolf, has advocated some very silly ideas in the past. Presumably because she can't get any, Ms. Wolf has argued for abolishing our beloved pornography because it kills men's libidos, while simultaneously advocating for women to rock the hijab/abaya to cover themselves from the prying eyes of men (you're ruining it for everyone, lady!). After last week's criticism of her unhinged paranoia at The Huffington Post, you'd think she'd give it a rest. But, on Friday she appeared on Seattle's NPR to talk about the 3ID working for NORTHCOM. CJ and Jason already explained why this homeland deployment is no reason to run to the mountains and take up cause with The Wolverines, but Naomi doesn't want to hear it.

The radio segment is absolutely painful to listen to. The normally liberal NPR station in the normally liberal town of Seattle isn't even buying this nonsense, as evidenced by the radio host laughing when Naomi Wolf says "Everything I've predicted has come true!". She then calls 3ID the "blackshirts", criticizes police for having a "Rovian S&M fetish" for their riot gear, and somehow the Mayor of NYC is involved in all these fascist shenanigans, which veers sharply into LaRouche territory. An ex-military recruiter calls in and cites the last time an American was killed by the military was in the 90s, which was the result of Clinton stationing Marines on the border in the misguided drug war. It is ironic that Naomi Wolf actively campaigned for then Vice President Al Gore's to be prez in 2000 by becoming an "Alpha Male". Even though the Blackshirts comment satisfies CHUD criteria, she sidesteps the issue of not supporting the troops by saying she adores them, and that they should actively desert to save their souls.

While being weary of government abuse is an important part of being a citizen, her alarmist and illogical ramblings about a coup that has already taken place are both ridiculous and offensive. Obviously, she's just a partisan hack trying to whip up support for her lame book. Unfortunately, many Puget Sound residents are taking this bs seriously and flipping out in the comments section of Slog:

From the start of the Obama campaign I've had the feeling that Bush will never leave office. I firmly believe the elections will be cancelled and some bullshit "we're at war" proclamation of martial law will be issued. The neo-cons have it all figured out. That's why all the National Guard units have been weakened by deployment and de-equipping. Just you wait and see.

I find it disturbing that people believe the military would try and pull off an "October Surprise", so I feel obligated to let everybody know if I get tipped off that the entire Pacific Fleet is underway to siege Seattle. If you see this blog transform from lame posts about Palin Sex Tapes into unadulterated praise for our glorious President for Life kicking off the "Year Zero" this month, then I advise heading to Canada with bottled water and an assault rifle.

Negotiating With the Taliban

Spencer Ackerman has some thoughts on negotiations between the Afghan government and the Taliban and how it could be beneficial to counter-insurgency. However, he doesn't seem that enthused:

Undoubtedly it's a bitter pill to swallow -- they're the Taliban! But if anyone has a better idea for an Afghanistan endgame, I'd like to hear it.

At first, one might think that the Anbar Awakening required us to align with some unsavory characters for the purpose of stabilization, so counterinsurgency in Afghanistan should have a similar approach. But The Captain's Journal highlights the differences and argues why it would be a lousy idea to negotiate with the Taliban:

So how well does this compare with the situation in Afghanistan? First of all, the Taliban willingly approved of sanctuary for al Qaeda rather than fought against them prior to 9/11. Second, they willingly fight side-by-side with their fighters today against U.S. and NATO forces. Third, Operation Enduring Freedom is an “economy of force” campaign, which means that, as we were told by both Generals McNeill and McKiernan, we don’t have enough troops, and by definition, this means that we don’t have the force projection necessary to do the job of counterinsurgency.

Signing a bunch of worthless peace agreements with the Taliban might result in some Musa Qala type situation throughout Afghanistan where they just impose their brutal rule and give safe haven to terrorists, so I'm going to have to lean towards TCJ on this one, even though Spencer is pretty sharp on Afghanistan.

If neither of these viewpoints suit your fancy, you can always go the quisling route and apologize for the Taliban like this assface in Canada:

The Taliban was founded as an Islamic religious movement dedicated to fighting communism and the drug trade. It received U.S. funding until May 2001. But western war propaganda has so demonized the Taliban that few politicians have the courage to propose the obvious and inevitable: A negotiated settlement to this pointless seven-year war. Even NATO's secretary general, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, said the war could only be ended by negotiations, not military means.

What the hell, Canada, I thought we were on the same team. Do I need to return my Shania Twain CDs?

American Carol Running A Bit Lukewarm

Not Quite This Funny

Team America it ain't. I really wanted to get a raging starburst over a movie that mocked the American left, but I expected a little bit more for 8 bones from the guy who did one of the funniest movies of all time. Sure, there was some cool scenes with ACLU zombies running wild and aging hippie douches brainwashing the youth of today in the classroom. But, overall, it fell a little short in the chuckle department, even though it has a decent message. With many liberals sipping their guilt-alleviating organic coffee, driving around in Volvos with lame anti-Bush bumper stickers softly playing crappy folk music, and worshipping their annoying little dogs, you'd think the comedy would write itself. It was a decent movie, and I recommend checking out American Carol, but if you're expecting a conservative cult phenomenon on the scale of Red Dawn like the blogs promised, keep lookin'.

McCain Campaign Goes All In On Ayers Connection

Could Linking Obama to This Dickhead Save Christmas for the Republicans?

With the McCain camp pulling out prematurely from Michigan like the high-school quarterback on prom night, and a massive drop in the polls in the battleground state of Minnesota, they've decided to throw a hail mary on the Obama-Ayers connection (Gateway Pundit has a good explaination of this). Palin recently stated that Obama was "palling around with terrorists", which seemed a little harsh coming from the Veep, as such attacks are usually best left to bloggers seeking to stir up the shit behind the scenes of these glitzy and phony campaign stops.

For a little background, Ayers is one of the Weatherman Underground terrorists (and he's also a CHUD for trying to blow up an NCO club), who probably should have been kicked out of the country a long time ago. He hung out with Obama in Chicago during those crazy days in the 90s, but the connection seems a little tenuous now (c'mon, it's not like Ayers is on his campaign staff or anything). But, when you're tanking in the polls, sometimes you've gotta try a new strategy, and that strategy is playing on people's fears that Obama is a flag-roastin' hippy that wants to turn America into Zimbabwe (maybe those bozos at the New Yorker were onto something when they ran that controversial magazine cover of Barack and Michelle in costume).

If the mainstream, suit n' tie Republicans are going to try to pull this one off, it'd be nice if some bigwig Dems took a hard line on Palin's creepy church that wants to bring about the end times by escalating a war between Iran and Israel. I'm against the rapture this week, mostly because I have two Red Baron's frozen pizzas left in the freezer that have yet to be consumed, and those things are pretty damn good. Of course the Dems probably won't lay into her, because they're winning and don't need to resort to such tactics. I'm not going to be real ecstatic about the Dems taking charge, but I don't see how it can be much worse than the Bush presidency. If Republicans wanted to do something productive, they'd figure out how to implement new foreign policy measures to win in Afghanistan and reform their disastrous fiscal policies that have run us so badly into debt. Maybe I'd even vote for them some day.

Gone Drinkin', Please Enjoy This in the Meantime

Welp, I'm off-duty now, so it's off to waste away the rest of the weekend with extra money before it can be seized by the feds. In the meantime, please enjoy this video from my buddy's YouTube channel. No clue what to make of it, but it feels like 10 Christmases and a V-guitar solo rolled into one...awesome:

Dumb Article of the Day From CNN: Palin spoke at 10th-grade level, Biden at eighth

Is a 30+ year member of the Senate really a numbskull 8th grader?

I'm not sure where these eggheads writing campaign articles for CNN went to school as adolescents, but if you're like me, you spent eighth grade debating the merits of how kickass Lars Ulrich was and quoting ad nauseam from Beavis. Debates of foreign and economic policy were not often heard at the cafeteria during the 1992 election for yours truly. However, the standards they use seem ridiculous, as they said Lincoln, who has one of the greatest presidential speeches, was talking at a lousy 11th-grade level. By junior year I had only graduated from hesherdom to the anti-authority stylings of punk rock, but maybe I'm just a slow learner.

Hardcore Religious

An interesting story out of Phuket, Thailand where devoted Buddhist followers are performing the ritual known as Ma Song, which Fox News states the purpose is to "possess the bodies of devotees and perform self-torture to absorb the evil from their host bodies to themselves." A little rough on the eyes over your Saturday morning breakfast, but I've always been impressed with man's ability to self-mutilate. It shows a certain devotion (or fanaticism), which is a fascinating counterpoint to our basic nature of self-preservation.

Some other religious events involving bodily harm:


Ashura, which mourns the martyrdom of the third Imam at the Battle of Karbala.


Snake-handlers of the Pentecostal sect, who believe God will prevent them from being bit by the serpent.

While most bizarre religious practices are simply interesting, the Scientology Sea Organization military outfit is just frightening and should be best avoided. There's actually a L. Ron Hubbard street in Hollywood, and it is the only avenue in gang-infested L.A. that I recommend not veering down it at all cost.

Funny Palin Sex Tape

This is a pretty good spoof. Might be "inappropriate" for some of you "family types", but it's quite funny for a Friday nite. Reminds me of a mash-up between the cast of Fargo and the grainy Paris Hilton sex tape that was such a big disappointment.



(h/t Slog)

Governator Pulls a "Jingle All The Way" on the CA Economy

It's Me Standing in Front of a Wall for 2 Hours...It Cost 7 Billion Dollars

Governor McBain may have been able to take on the Predator and save Alyssa Milano's virginity from drug dealers, but much like the colossal flop "Jingle All the Way", he has really sent CA into the shits with gross budgetary mismanagement. So much so, that the once great actor is begging the feds for $7B like a Hollywood hobo:

Without the loan, the governor warned that the state "may be unable to obtain the necessary level of financing to maintain government operations." Schwarzenegger added that many states and local governments have been unable to get financing for "routine cash flow used to make critical payments to schools, local governments and law enforcement."

An allegory for rampant government waste in California is the Belmont High School in downtown Los Angeles. It cost $400M, was still being debated over its location atop an old oil field when I was at UCLA 7 years ago, and only recently opened after 15 years of bureacratic wrangling and sloppy construction. At 400,000,000 bones for one lousy high school, you can see why the state is flat broke.

So...Two Bills Became a Law Today

Ambiguously Gay Bill courtesy of WA State Kids Website

Two much discussed bills became laws today in two very different parts of the world. One bill ensured a fledgling democracy would have fair and representative elections in 14 of 18 provinces, and has been widely hailed as a fundamental path to peace and prosperity for the war-torn nation. Another bill ensured a bunch of poorly-performing and corrupt banks/lenders would get more money from the taxpayers for their disastrous business ventures. Matching the below-captioned presidents to each new law should be a piece of cake for even the most casual lurker.

O' Reilly the Berserker

I haven't been a big fan of O' Reilly after he called internet commenters nazis and laughed off the plight of our homeless veterans, but he occasionally has his moments. Last night he flipped the fuck out on Barney Frank, one of the DC mobsters responsible for our country turning into a third-world hellhole. Check it:



And here's some retro O' Reilly that's a good time after 8 drinks and shot of Wild Turkey:

Another Day of Blabbing National Security Information in MSM

While milbloggers are subjected to draconian rules to prevent any potential OPSEC violation, mainstream rags like the Washington Post flippantly run front-page articles on prospective sensitive programs without any regard to national security posture in a time of war. From the Washington Post on secretive Information Operations:

Iraq, where hundreds of millions of dollars have been spent on such contracts, has been the proving ground for the transformation. "The tools they're using, the means, the robustness of this activity has just skyrocketed since 2003. In the past, a lot of this stuff was just some guy's dreams," said a senior U.S. military official, one of several who discussed the sensitive defense program on the condition of anonymity...
...One official described how part of the program works: "There's a video piece produced by a contractor . . . showing a family being attacked by a group of bad guys, and their daughter being taken off. The message is: You've got to stand up against the enemy." The professionally produced vignette, he said, "is offered for airing on various [television] stations in Iraq. . . . They don't know that the originator of the content is the U.S. government. If they did, they would never run anything."

Karen DeYoung is a veteran journalist and knows that she is not allowed to publish this. The fact that every "military official" is anonymous tells us that there are rats somewhere in feeding chain. This is hardly a freedom of speech issue. Rather, material of this nature is not released to the public the same way SpecOps are not divulged to the press. It is primarily to prevent Americans from being killed or the country to be put at unnecessary risk. I can only imagine what kind of shady underhanded tactics Karen DeYoung used to dig up this scoop, but at least it is better than Washington Post embedding with the enemy in Sadr City (like they did in March). I'm not going to discuss these operations, but Marc Lynch has some sharp analysis if you are interested.

Somali Pirates To Get Theirs

It's on now. From ABC:

The European Union (EU) is planning to launch an anti-piracy operation off the coast of Somalia where a stand-off continues between several warships and pirates who have hijacked a ship. The hijacking of a freighter carrying military equipment off the coast of Somalia a week ago has highlighted the danger shipping faces in that area.Pirates are demanding a $20 million ransom for the Ukranian ship Faina, which is carrying 33 Russian tanks. Somali pirates regularly target freighters that use the shipping lanes between the Indian Ocean and the Gulf of Aden. The European Union has resolved to take military action against the pirates. At least nine EU countries will join an air and sea operation, which aims to safeguard one the world's key trading routes.

Merchant trafficking in international waters is a fundamental right and incredibly important to keep modern society afloat, and dead pirates tell no tales. That's all there is to say about this issue. Just fucking kill these guys and dump their corpses overboard for the sharks. That's the only thing other pirates will understand.

IVAW Sells Out

Iraq Veterans Against War recently decided to open up a coffee shop down near Fort Lewis as a way to preach stale ideas from the 60s about GI resistance (which hasn't been able to muster up a large amount of support since the military has been all-volunteer for over 30 years). Seeing how there's as many java joints in Seattle as freaky sex shows in Tijuana, it would seem the place would go belly up in the first quarter. But far left organizations have always had an affinity for veterans who speak out against their combat service, so IVAW was a big hit during the mish-mash of crazy ideals that were brought to the limelight during the DNC protests. But like anti-capitalist rockers Rage Against the Machine signing onto a major record label, IVAW is taking "blood money" from imperialist coffee maker Tully's. From the Weekly Volcano:

Tully's founder and Chairman Tom O'Keefe has pledged $15,000 worth of coffeehouse supplies to the organizations behind the java joint — GI Voice Inc. and the local chapter of Iraq Veterans Against the War. Tully's spokesman Roger van Oosten of the Fearey Group did not respond to media inquiries about the donation. O'Keefe did tell other media outlets that while he doesn't necessarily agree with some of the political positions of the backing organizations, he does, however, respect members' rights to have a differing opinion. There is no word on whether O'Keefe expects any type of fallout from military consumers because of his support.

I don't have anything against the delicious coffee at Tully's or even IVAW setting up a store, but it just seems to shatter their "revolutionary" image that's crucial to winning the hearts and support of simple-minded college kids seeking to alleviate their upper-middle class guilt.

Fort Lewis responds to placing the store on the "off-limits" list:

Fort Lewis spokesman Joe Piek said it's premature and inappropriate to even ask if military officials will pursue off-limits restrictions of an antiwar coffee shop.

It is true that an "off-limits" list exists for military members on bases throughout the country, but it's normally reserved for sheisty car dealers, night clubs with rampant drug use, and check cashing joints that have ripped off young servicemembers in the past. Putting the IVAW coffee shop on the "off-limits" list would have the effect of creating buzz and media attention for the establishment, when it probably is a really dull place to get a cup of joe with hippies hanging around in berets.

Do You Know About the Dangers of A Nuclear Detonation?

Oh Noes! My Porn Was in There

Did you know that a nuclear detonation by a ballistic missile could cause widespread death and destruction?!? Get the fuck out, I know. Despite duck n' cover drills being taught throughout America during the cold war, the cuban missile crisis, and a legendary performance by Steve Gutenberg in The Day After, the conservative think tank Heritage Foundation seems to think people in Washington DC don't appreciate the devastation that a nuclear explosion could cause. That's why they want to create "EMP Recognition Day" on March 23rd for congress members, where politicians would have to live out a Flintstones episode because everything electronic would be simulated as decimated by an Electromagnetic Pulse.

Not sure what the point of this foolishness is, but they seem to want to drum up support for more investment in missile defense. Not surprising as they get a bunch of their funding from defense contractors. Pretty lame.

(h/t Armchair Generalist)

Homer Casts His Vote

A clip from an election-themed Simpsons that was supposed to be aired November 2nd got leaked to those devilish fiends who lurk on the internet. Check the Hot Air link to reveal who Homer votes for. Even though the show jumped the shark years ago, it was a massive cultural force in the 90s and responsible for much of my generation's upbringing (along with Beavis N' Butthead and Ren N' Stimpy). Although, personally I'd rather see who Gil would vote for, as he is The Simpsons character I most identify with.

Aw Gil, Why'd You Buy all that Bear Stearns Stock!

Super Happy Hour at This Ain't Hell, Update: Who Won?

The other Sarah Connor

Come see Jonn Lilyea for off-color jokes at his Veep debate chat room. I'll be hanging out there and the topic of the other Sarah Connor (Sarah Palin) will probably come up.

Update: So what didja think? I expected a dismal flop from Palin, but she seemed to do alright. Rachel Maddow said she was winking at the crowd like some hussy, but I didn't see it. I think she deflected talking about Pakistan, but so did Biden. Biden's smile was the bomb, because it looked like he was about to grab Palin's ass like some creepy boss getting fresh with the stenographer pool in 1952. But really, the true winner is the American people, who get to take part in this ridiculous year-long debacle known as a presidential election for another month.

Late Nite Tunes: Mercyful Fate - Egypt

More tunes as requested by Wek. You can't go wrong with King Diamond!

Vets For Freedom Takes on Obama

Taking on the Big Dogs

Vets for Freedom has released the ad "Skipped" skewering Obama for not holding any oversight hearings on Afghanistan. A rebuttal is available at VetVoice. I enjoy following the campaigns on all the big veterans groups compromised of Iraq/A-stan vets, because they usually follow the important shit (foreign policy) and leave out the nonsense (Palin pregnancy rumors) that makes me wish I was Rip Van Winkle.

Strange Things in the Senate Bailout Bill

Looks like the Bailout Bill just passed the Senate, and no doubt Sen Reid is going to be issuing a press release about how he single-handedly saved Christmas. However, since bailing out a bunch of suits on Wall Street might strike some voters as "unfair", the crafty Senate decided to load up the bill with a mixed array of tax breaks to push it through the house. Check out some of the turds that are going to get flushed down the pipe to the rest of us. The Hill has this behemoth of PDF, and here's a small smattering of who's getting hooked up:

Sec 308 (Fewer Taxes on Rum from Puerto Rico and Virgin Islands)

Sec 310 (Mine Rescue Teams Tax Credits)

Sec 317 (Motorsports Racing Track Facility Tax Credits)

Sec 325 (Wool Research Fund Extension )

Sec 401 (Permanent Authority for Undercover IRS operations)

So if you are a pirate, minesweeper, NASCAR track owner, shepherd, or government spook spying on our own citizens, congrats....you won! For all you other losers, I suggest you hire a more powerful lobbying firm next time around.

50,000

Jesus has winced in pain at least 50,000 times in the last year, because this blog just broke 50k hits today! Thanks to everyone for reading and I'd probably be forced to go open up a roller rink or some stupid bullshit if you all didn't keep coming back. Comments and feedback are important so I can better gage what to write about that will provide entertainment/informational value. I'm sure many of you feel like this guy at times, so don't be afraid to criticize a post now and then:

McCain Sign Gets the Dog Shit Treatment in Seattle

Oh man, not again! From Fox News Q13:



I keep telling you Rethuglicans to stop planting McCain signs in Seattle, and stick them across the Puget Sound in Kitsap county, where the worst thing that happens is Cletus feeds his dog a bunch of meth.

All the Gubment We Could Ever Want

A frightening idea that has been kicking around the blogosphere from the juvenile buffoonery of Arianna Huffington to the intellectually superior Obsidian Wings has been a rush to advocate for fundamentally re-thinking the purpose of government. They are using the economic crisis, caused more by crony capitalism as opposed to some kind of lack of regulation, as basis for pushing a whole new paradigm for society, replete with more government intervention.

I'm not exactly Mr. Hardcore Libertarian and not completely opposed to the feds getting all up in our face. I pay my taxes, support the military (uh, that's pretty obvious), strongly support law and order, public infrastructure (go sound transit!), protection of civil liberties, and federal response to disasters like Katrina/Ike. I even support some policies that have traditionally been met with hostility by small government advocates (i.e. environmental protection). Call me an ideologue or paranoid nut if you must, but I retain deep hostility and suspicion to a drastic increase in government. Perhaps it's the fact that all of our founding fathers warned us about the dangers of a tyrannical state, or perhaps that a bunch of people with "revolutionary" ideas about the role of government (e.g. Hitler, Mao, Stalin, Pol Pot) left an abominable pile of stiffs in the 20th century, or maybe it's just that some people putting their ideas into public policy would result in me getting shipped off to a gulag. The latest Hollywood creepshow of Obama kids professing their life to "The Leader" is as bizarre as a North Korean gymnastics show, and was filmed shortly before these kids drank the cyanide-laced kool-aid.



Anyways, maybe this whole rant is too far in the realm of paranoia. But lemme tell you about my trip to the DMV today (another fine government institution). They have not figured out how to mail my license to my house for whatever reason, and this was third time I went back there. I tried to go in uniform so I got treated "less terribly" instead of "terribly", and I had to wait for an hour to talk to some 300-lb wildebeest about my situation. While sprawled out on a chair, like a unionized Jabba the Hut, this lady accused me of lying about where I was living (why the fuck would I do that), and I pleaded with her to try mailing my license to a P.O. Box. This cost me an extra 10 bucks for some reason, but I considered it a bargain, as staying there any longer on a Tuesday afternoon would have resulted in me stabbing myself in the face. Think of the medical bills!

Another satisfied customer at the DMV

I just want life in America to not be one big DMV and not to get shipped off to a "re-education" center. Is that too irrational and simple-minded?

Taliban Thugs Kill Senior Policewoman in Afghanistan

Malalai Kakar: KIA Kandahar

Bad news! The iconic police woman of Kandahar, long threatened by the murderous thugs of the Taliban, has been shot dead while driving from her house. The brutal discrimination against women in Afghanistan by extremists is well-documented, and The Guardian digs further into the past and states that women in Afghanistan have a long history of bravery despite persecution:

In recent decades, the first girl to make a name for herself by living up to the heroines of the past was a 16-year-old schoolgirl by the name of Nahid. In February 1980, Nahid led a demonstration of schoolgirls and female university students on the streets of Kabul. It was one of the very first public protests testing the loyalty of the communist regime's army and police force. Would the government shoot at unarmed schoolgirls and students? The answer, it turned out, was a firm yes. Soviet helicopters were soon heard hovering over the protesters, and shooting soon followed. Nahid fell immediately, and so did many of her companions.

Although the Taliban and other oppressive groups trying to establish a patriarchal society through a process of subordination, it's heartening to see women rising above the tyranny. Primarily, because worldwide human rights is worthy cause now that the information age has brought about easy methods to dispel ignorance. But, privately, I advocate for a more matriarchal societal structure so that me and my guy friends can wallow in irrelevant good times with blogging, drinking, and occasionally mowing the lawn while the women run the country and stay in charge of the family unit. A trip to see the Dockyard Derby Dames doing roller derby in Tacoma proved that strong females were still around at least in this country.

For more on Afghanistan, Anthony Cordesman has a thorough analysis of the problems and challenges there for NATO/ISAF.

Kos Diary on McCain's Gambling Problem

It's Never Too Early to Start!

It's not just the usual cadre of snake-handling Jesus freaks getting up in arms about the great American past time of gambling, it's politically opportunistic lefties too! From Kos (based on a NY Times story):

Does John McCain need help? McCain gambles away thousands of dollars of his wife's money, reportedly playing craps for eight hours straight. If he were an ordinary guy, without his wife's millions to fritter away, I'd expect to see him go bankrupt and enter rehab any day now.

Shaddap, you puritan busybody. Everyone knows that gambling is a fun way to escape the crushing reality of daily life. Where else can you ride the emotional roller coaster as the dollar signs in your eyes turn to tears...then back to dollar signs again as the Filipino lady on the other side of the table hits a Hard 8. Besides, with the way the stock market has been going lately, I'm more likely to throw my Roth-IRA investments on a double-down than some mutual fund which is going tits up.

Liberal Weenies Still Desperately Clinging to Their Talking Points About Iraq

Violence Remains Low in Iraq (DoD pdf), but the rhetoric pegs high on the bullshit meter

Violence continues to decline in Iraq, the mostly Sunni Sahwa members are beginning to fall under cognizance of the Shi'ite government, people are out on the streets of Baghdad during Ramadan (a period which used to be marred in violence), detainees are being returned to society en masse, and the Iraqi Parliament recently passed the Provincial Elections bill. You'd think the wags in the punditsphere would throw in the towel on their efforts to portray a country they've never been to as a wretched wasteland of Bush's failed policies. For the most part, it's become a non-issue in politics in recent months, but Gary Kamiya has taken a break from writing about Republicans being a bunch of brain-dead rubes to penning a piece entitled "Remember Iraq?". He asserts:

The media has largely bought into this rosy view of the surge. Violence has fallen sharply in Iraq and U.S. casualties are down, and the media and the U.S. public have tacitly accepted both that the surge was largely responsible for these laudable outcomes and, to a lesser degree, that the underlying situation in Iraq has fundamentally improved. Unfortunately, neither claim is true.

These people have called us liars before (see the General Betrayus FAIL), but now they are citing this UCLA study of satellite imagery of lighting in Baghdad (only goes to Dec. 2007) to prove that ethnic cleansing already took place in Baghdad prior to the surge. The study has nothing to stay about the decline in violence in other provinces, and also suggests that surge brigades were sitting on their duffs during all of 2007 and early 2008.

The U.S. military was sealing off neighborhoods that were no longer really active ribbons of violence, largely because the Shiites were victorious in killing large numbers of Sunnis or driving them out of the city all together," Agnew said. "The large portion of the refugees from Iraq who went during this period to Jordan and Syria are from these neighborhoods."

A ridiculous statement, seeing how combat brigades were focused in the Sunni stronghold of Adhamiya, followed by the massive ethnosectarian violence going on in East & West Rashid along Sunni-Shi'ite faultlines, and Sadr City and New Baghdad (Shi'ite strongholds) in early 2008. What does these college kids think the soldiers were doing in Baghdad during the Surge, jerking each other off? No is saying that the refugee crisis isn't a serious problem, but to say that the entire surge failed because of some lousy study can only be seen as a fit of desperation and distortion of reality.

I understand that many are upset about the reason we went into Iraq and completely disagree with the war, but to deny all facts out of political convenience is becoming harder to do and makes you look more silly by the day. Get with the program.

Civilization Ends: I Agree with Codepink on Something

The no bailout for billionaires protest sounds freakishly similar to my sentiment on why the economy blows. I suddenly feel so dirty...*shudder*

Gates Criticizes Rumsfeld's Pentagon

Apparently, a massive supercomputer designed to nuke Mars may have been a waste of taxpayer dollars

The Secretary of Defense took a potshot at wasteful spending at the Pentagon in the early years and how our military-industrial structure was too focused on buying wizbang gizmos for a war with China that is never going to happen. From WaPo:

The military's struggle to adjust to the counterinsurgency mission in Iraq "came at a frightful human, financial and political cost," Gates told an audience of military officers at the National Defense University here. "For every heroic and resourceful innovation by troops and commanders on the battlefield, there was some institutional shortcoming at the Pentagon that they had to overcome," he said.

While having a military skilled in fighting major conventional ground wars is essential, Gates said, such a war is unlikely in the near future. Yet the Pentagon has placed comparatively too much emphasis on developing high-technology weapon systems aimed at potential state adversaries such as China or Russia that take years to develop, he said, noting that the 2009 budget contains more than $180 billion for such conventional systems.

Brandon Friedman has a mancrush on our current SECDEF, and frankly, I do too. Primarily because he's not a political hack, and also he took the position at a time when he was jumping into a big shit sandwich.