19 April 2009

Creepy Craig's List Killer Is Ruining the Internet for Everybody

A Quick Look At his Facebook Profile May Have Revealed More Information

Gather round the campfire, children, for a history lesson. Once upon a time, long long ago, in the dark ages of the internet (circa 1996). When all it consisted of was overweight nerds divulging other geeks with Star Trek fan fiction, macabre pictures of car accident scenes on the now-defunct rotten.com, and AOL chat rooms devoted to kiddie porn and badly photoshopped nude pics of Jennifer Aniston, it would have been unheard of for decent-looking women to seek out men on the internet. But, after years of cheaply available technology and search engines (like google) that don't require Computer Science classes in UNIX to utilize, the promise of the internet has made available to the masses...and by "masses" I mean the most important demographic: single women. It's no longer shameful and taboo for women to meet men on Facebook, eHarmony, or any of the other matchmaking sites. And, even the lovely Jamie is auctioning herself off to the cyber ether for charity.

But women have long had a rational fear against creepy cyber-weirdos soliciting their trust on the internet and then leaving them for dead when they finally meet in person. The brutal murder which resulted from a Craig's List rendezvous only emphasizes these atrocities against the female gender. From The Providence Journal:
McCartney said that there are "strong similiarities" between the attacks, including how the women appeared to have met their attackers and the description of the person who attacked them.

Boston police also say the killer may have been involved in the robbery last week of a Las Vegas woman at the Westin Copley Hotel, according to the Associated Press.

All three women were advertising services on Craigslist that led to liaisons at the hotel rooms, police said. McCartney said the Warwick robbery victim had met her attacker through her Craigslist ad -- which the chief would not discuss in specifics -- and made arrangements with him by phone to meet at that hotel.
This horrific crime will surely set tech-fueled romance back to the stone age. I was talking with TSO of This Ain't Hell recently about how much revenue they were getting from Google Ad Sense (they have over 10 times the traffic of this place), and it was about enough to buy a pack of gum. Since it's not about the benjamins, we then agreed that the internet (particularly blogging) was pretty much for the sole purpose of meeting women. Indeed, it's the sole purpose in life for any heterosexual male. But now, I fear, it is all in jeopardy due to these heinous crimes. I'll have to go buy a douche scarf and spend 12 bucks on appletinis at trendy clubs to impress the ladies in the future. What a pisser!

7 comments:

Ms. Kiyum said...

So you're saying the Interwebs had to be dumbed down for hot looking single women? Are you sexist or looksist? I think I know the answer already.

Lisa said...

Oh God -- not the appletinis!

LT Nixon, while your site is excellent, do you find writing about hardcore stuff like the military is a seine net for the babes? (I do note you have a loyal female following.)

BostonMaggie said...

Yuck on the "douche scarf"

Ms. Kiyum said...

Are you saying that douche scarf I bought for your going away present is a bad idea? But it's purple and metallic!

subrookie said...

"All three women were advertising services on Craigslist that led to liaisons at the hotel rooms"

Seems like a high risk advertisement if you post services that require a hotel room on Craigslist.

So, until further notice, selling your 1998 Corolla or a bag of old golf clubs OK on Craigslist...selling yourself, or services that involve a hotel room and yourself..not OK on CL.

Tough Girl 101 said...

That weirds me out.... a lot!

Nixon said...

The police have apprehended a suspect, but the scars will last for years...