16 April 2008

Crazy Pope Conspiracies

I admit to once being a connoisseur of conspiracy theory in my younger years (an abundance of which can be found here). But when I was working in college, I questioned a co-worker whether his previous employment at the U.N. was a nefarious plot to rid Americans of their guns so that the Blue-Helmeted Gestapo could swarm America and load us into pods Matrix-style. He responded that no one at such high levels of government/diplomatic positions was that competent. After working in the Green Zone for 10-months, I have kind of confirmed this hypothesis. But without further adieu, here's my nutty Pope conspiracy theory (a random XM rant that seriously considers a Papal conspiracy is available, which Curmudgeonly & Skeptical has captured):

The Pope came to America on the premise of speaking out against pedophilia. But that's really just a mass distraction perpetuated by the corporate-owned media to allow transfer of billions of dollars from the basement of the CFR building to the Vatican for the Pope's legal defense fund. From there, the money will be converted to VaticanBucks which the Bilderberg group, in conjunction with the Trilateral Commission, will use to finance Cheney's oil-drilling rig (which operates while orbiting in space). The profits generated from the space oil rig will allow the NSA to pay off the space aliens that have been threatening to annihilate our planet with their supersonic deathray. The Pope got wind that Bush was funneling money meant for the devious space aliens, and he wants in on the agreement to resurrect the Nazi SS to combat the space aliens from the Norad base in Colorado Springs and keep the money for himself. So that, my friends, is why the Pope is really coming to America. At times like this, you have to ask yourself, What Would Xenu Do?

Look he's doing that "Sig Heil" thing, uh, rEVOLution man


Anonymous said...

Uh-huh. Wow. Yeah, really cool. Totatlly agree with you on this. Sure do.

(Okay, guys, I'm going to go get the doctor now!!)

You just keep drinking your juice, Lt., ok??


madtom said...

On the Cheney oil rig thing... you know how everyone is complaining that the Chinese are drilling for oil off the coast of Cuba?

I'm sure you've heard it, right. Guess again if you think it was the Chinese that drilled two wells to discover the oil there.

There is only one oil rig capable of drilling in those waters, Eirick Raude


I know this sounds conspiratorial but much of the information that used to be easily found on the net is either not there of harder to find.

Kyle said...

I live not too far from NORAD, and I can confirm that there are no aliens there. Air Force dweebs that wear flight suits, but never step foot in an airplane, and maybe some Army folks, but no aliens...

LT Nixon said...


I drink prune juice. Thx!


Huh that's interesting.


I thought all the aliens were in New Mexico?

Bag Blog said...

You know, I thought something must be up. There have been lots of little black helicopters in the back woods these days. There are aliens in NM, but they are illegal.