Five Bits of Information For the Friday Meat-Market

News you can use to impress your potential one-night stand at 1:30am on the club floor:

• Bigfoot press conference is an epic FAIL as the two samples for DNA testing were human and opossum [Reuters]
• Crazy man resembling The Shredder with a samurai sword and shotgun at The Capitol in January gets 22 years in the joint [Politico]
• High-tech toilets no longer to be used to shoot up heroin and smoke meth in Seattle [Seattle P-I]
• 12 year-old schlepps Mom in the family mini-van to the alehouse for a night of partying (what is the problem here?) [Breitbart]
• Zombie mob to attack SF tomorrow (h/t MezzoSF)

And now a flashback from our great cultural past, Psycho Dad: