21 February 2008

Submariner Stands Accused of Kid-Touchin’ and My Prompt Disassociation

Argh! This is terrible. Not only was I also a Pearl Harbor sailor like this joker, but the USS Olympia was in my squadron too. My friend, who is “livin’ the dream” as a nuclear shift engineer in Charleston, sent me this little tidbit today about some tree-jumper's exploits while he was on a plane. Oh yeah, he's also a sub guy:

The complaint said the girl told Cole she was 13 years old and in the eighth grade, that they watched a movie on his laptop computer and then watched an in-flight movie together.
With blankets on both their laps, the girl said she was resting with her eyes closed when she felt Cole sexually grope her both inside and outside her underwear, as he fondled himself.
According to the criminal complaint, the girl "pretended to be asleep during the incident because she was afraid."

The public already has a negative perception of the Navy which prevents me from meeting normal people at cocktail parties. Certainly we have a surly demeanor and drink heavily lest we be chastised as douchebags by other members of the Navy, but to be associated with kid-touchin’ is some rough publicity. By the media’s portrayal, you’d think we were all in cahoots with the infamous bicycle shop owner who molested Dudley on Different Strokes. Here’s what the media opened up the article with:

A Pearl Harbor-based sailor was arrested on suspicion of molesting a 13-year-old girl on a Hawaiian Airlines flight from Hawaii to Arizona….Cole is stationed aboard the USS Olympia submarine at Pearl Harbor, where he's a chief storekeeper.

Of course it’s not wrong for the media to state the pederast in question’s credentials, but I just wanted to set the record straight publicly that I’m not part of the NAMBLA conspiracy and most other Navy folk aren’t either. Here’s the list of sex offenders from my current county of residence, you’ll see I didn’t make the cut! While another guy who was the Command Master Chief at my last command probably should've, I can assure you my socially deviant thoughts are strictly limited to women of legal age.

LT Nixon: He's not the Bicycle Shop Owner, Mr. Horton


Anonymous said...

"I can assure you my socially deviant thoughts are strictly limited to women of legal age."

Um, legal in the U.S. or legal in Thailand?

Katana said...

... i have no clue what to say. I hope the guy gets ass raped in jail and hung by his testicles.

gage said...

Way, way off topic, LT, but I have a serious question.

If al-Sadr's ceasefire expires on Saturday, and the fighting resumes, where is it likely to happen first, (if you're able to say)?

Alex said...

Hmm. Mr. Horton. I wonder if there's any relation.

LT Nixon said...

Katana, you'll be happy to know molestors usually get badly beaten in prison.

Gage, can't talk Sadr right now, sorry.

Alex, It depends on if you like to play "Neptune of the Sea" where you splash water around in the bathtub with an unsuspecting Dudley.

Anonymous, that was a low blow! =(