21 March 2008

The Dumb Things Guys Do

It's scientifically proven that guys will take up some pretty boneheaded endeavors to try and impress the ladies. Opening a small restaurant specializing in Vegan food, taking an Art History class, taking out a high-interest loan to buy a Lexus SUV with TV screens in the seats, etc. My hombre TSO at the The Sniper and I share a mutual interest in war and politics, strangeness on the internet, and sarcasm. Looking around the blogosphere, gathering people together with these shared ideas would probably result in a massive sausage fest. Therefore, it is necessary to partake in ruses to meet women.

Meet Chrissy. She's on a womanly crusade on MySpace to prevent soldiers from shipping off to the sandbox by spreading the peace n' love, which will thereby sap their will to fight. In her own words "my attire represents the sisterhood of the west. We know that women during Christiandom were capable of preventing their men from going to war just by providing love." This may be a bit of twisted logic, but, c'mon, she's a babe! So fellow wiseass, TSO, over at the Sniper responded to her call of not taking up arms and being willing to not engaging in war crimes for a piece of lovin'. She further emphasized her objectives that "There are some rules". Unfortunately, TSO must have a Google footprint the size of Bigfoot's wang, because she found out about the shenanigans within 24 hours that many of us were privy to:

Now I get it. I see that I was the cause of laughter for you and your buddies. Well let me tell you that we have convinced many soldiers and they tell us horrible stories about the war. I signed up right before I was moving to MD. Now all I wanna do is to move back to CALI and I haven't even set foot in MD yet. I'm just happy I didn't send you our manifesto.

Damnit, TSO! Why you cockblockin'. I applaud your audacity, sir, but I was expecting some follow through, and I wanted to read this illustrious manifesto. In a world of confused gender roles and an overly critical attitude of men by women, can you blame a guy for trying? Not just no, but hell no. Anyone interested in hanging with these fine looking lady that wandered in from the renaissance festival can find here somewhere in the nightmare known as MySpace.


Anonymous said...

Sir, you and the -- uh, other -- uh -- young gentleman to whom you refer (Snuper, Snipu, Sniper, is that his name?) did y'all ever think you have trouble meeting and/or (god forbid) actually having sex with a female is because at your tender geekdom age of 12 you're too young?
Just a thought.

Tin Ma'am said...

wait a minute.... hold on, I think I have some similar interests - what are u trying to say? I'm a sausage?

Anonymous said...

Lt. Nixon! Please see my post at The Sniper's related post! I've put in the Good Word for you, son! Do your BEST!

509th Bob

(I'd send you my direct (as I normally contact him) e-mail address, but not on an open source reply. If you privately ask John Lilyea, you have my permission to get that information from him. In response, I would ask the same of you.)

Get some sleep. Come home safe.

509th Bob

Thus Spake Ortner said...

Chrissy? Chrissy? Come back love, I was only playing hard to get! (Something which doesn't come naturally to a man who carries around an inflatable mattress just in case)

I love you Chrissy. (And by love I mean Yoooooozaaaa)

LT Nixon said...

Ms. K,

I recently went through pueberty and I'm now 13.

Tin Ma'am,

My apologies, present company excluded.

509th Bob,

Thank you, sir, with a little bit of luck and a craftily concocted ruse, I might get lucky.


Yes indeed, there's still time to redeem yourself, but you would have to probably delete all the hilarious posts and comments and swear your allegiance to the "Sisterhood of the West".

Bag Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sergeant Grumpy said...

LOFL - I've been in better combat zones where you can get in a firefight AND get some lovin', that'd be my vote for the next war.

As tin ma'am can probably guess I was gunning for a deployment to the PI, but had to settle for this.

LT Nixon said...

SGT Grumpy,

I heard that Thailand needs some shock and awe action. First place to liberate is Pattaya Beach!