06 March 2008

Where do These Girls Hang Out at?

How come I can never find ladies like this? All I get is some meathead bouncer who lets me into the bar after standing around like an asshole for an hour and then once inside there's three gel-haired douchebags for every gal?


Tin Ma'am said...

lol just gotta know where to look. Go to an anorexia convention... i promise there'll be a ton of girls just lookin for some lovin.

Anonymous said...

Oh, honey, I'm sure these type of -- uh -- ladies are afraid you're too good for them. They're probably intimidated by your smooth style and quick wit. That or think you "ain't got no dollahs on ya". (Overheard as an excuse to turn down one of you fine fellas.) Smile!!

LT Nixon said...

Haha, I'm not too good for anyone.

Bag Blog said...

I think you have found your soul-mate. Anyone who has such an odd sense of humor or wit would fit nicely into your life.

KJ said...

hahaha LT - go to craigslist and look under "missed encounters" - Maybe your dream woman is out there lookin for ya! If nothing else it provides a lot of entertainment :)

KJ said...

oops - mistake. I meant "Missed connections"

LT Nixon said...

Bag Blog,

Yes indeed. Unfortunately the scribbler of the article in question did not leave an email address.


Thanks for the tip! Craig's List is always good for a hoot.

Anonymous said...

Son, I do understand your lack-a-nookie condition. You are a (in Army terms) a Captain, but you haven't found that special woman in your life. I'm on the verge of 50, I found her when I was 19, and I'm still married after 30 years. But during my (post-Army, and after being married) college days, I found a gal who did EVERYTHING I ever desired. I enjoyed, and I still dream about her, but I didn't marry her (she was married, too). I'm still married to my wife because I knew, at a gut level, that my wife would stick with me through thick and thin.

Yes, you are super horny. Join the rest of the male world. As you get older, you'll get over it, I'm sorry to say. Did I mention I'm nearly 50? With diabetes? (You may not be aware of the TV commercials that market dick-stiffeners for diabetes patients.)

So, notwithstanding your uncontrollable desires, don't settle for some gal who will momentarily satisfy your lustful desires, instead, find someone who will fulfill your spiritual and physical needs at the same time. Stay. Away. From. The. Skanks. I've told you that before. They carry diseases. If you don't have a disease, you don't want one now!

As always, come home safe. And thank you for serving in the Armed Forces to keep us safe at home.

509th Bob

Ms.Kiyum said...

Your inability to find lady love is in direct relation to your unwillingness to embrace your cracker appeal.