Gettin' It On at Work, Why I wasn't Invited

By way of Wonkette, I located an article in the WSJ about campaign staffers during the election season bumpin' uglies! Considering both the Dems and Repubs are sucking at the taxpayer troff of public funding for campaign money, I find myself most pissed that these young lovebirds are getting it on at the taxpayers expense (even the Ron Paul staffer gets laid!). At least that's what I tell myself to not feel like such a disgrace. Most of my resentment comes from the fact that I'm envious for not being in a line of work where this might conceivably happen, which helps explain why I've become so fascinated with romance novels, chick flicks, and books about babies n' weddings as of late. Gotta have something to bring out that feminine side in you! My first two deployments were with a bunch of dudes, so there was no hanky-panky going on there. This deployment is a step up, since there are some ladies, but there's still a heinous ratio that would make a sausage party at MIT look like Hugh Hefner's mansion. Plus, I can't compete with the six-fig salaries that the civilian types are raking in (chicks dig uniforms my ass). But that's alright, because I wouldn't want to suffer the humiliation of working for some scumbag politician. Pride is more important than getting lucky, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Of course years of malnutrition have made me look like one of the meth addicts they just rounded up from the double-wide trailer that blew up in Eugene, OR. Ah well, at least I'm not a big douchebag.

I think my facial features come out well!