18 April 2008

New Children's Book Explains Mommy's New Rack

Plastic surgery for the sake of making someone look "pretty" is one of the most egregious trends to settle into our current culture. Topics that would make a Vegas dancer blush like Botox injections, "vaginal rejuvenation", collagen, and boobjobs are seriously discussed among middle-aged ladies at book clubs. Real medical doctors, the most highly skilled profession of our time, have been upstaged by Dr. Nick types, juicing up depressed housewives with silicone in their garage. This is a complete waste of scarce medical expertise, along with a failure for an individual to accept their existence and current age, which makes this "trend" all the more heinous. Well now there's a book by some money-grubbing asshole to help kiddies deal with the fact that their own mother is soulless attention-grubber. Newsweek explains (H/T Reason):

"My Beautiful Mommy" is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

Sure, who am I to judge these people for making their own decisions. Fair enough. Just don't get all uppity when I call you "Frankenstein" once I see you parading down the street. This is all part of a "forever young" culture that refuses to equate age with wisdom, ignores the warnings of its elders , and will eventually self-destruct. Ah, fuck it.
That SUV isn't paying for itself. Mommy's gotta invest in her wares!

Of course, the author of the book fails to tell the story that Mommy is still a vapid soul clinging to her youth, and that plastic surgery might make Mommy look a "little funny" (see below).

Plastic Surgery Disasters (Hey Baby, you work out?)


Anonymous said...

And as we've seen Priscilla Presley on television lately, yeah, that fooled us all into thinking she was "younger".

Realizing some women (and men) don't want to get old looking, it's still creepy, and women do seem to have the most work done.

Who they blame it on is even worse. The media, the movies -- whatever. That's the part I really disagree with.
But if you insist on doing that and you're not spending your kid's college money, good luck, and I hope it works for you. I just think it's kinda creepy!!

(And, no, I'm not talking about cancer patients. I'm talking about vain people who think they can honestly turn back the clock.)

LT Nixon said...


Yeah, to clarify, I wasn't talking about the Plastic Surgeons who help burn victims and other important medical procedures. I was talking about the guys who work on Michael Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Oh, no, absolutely not -- and, eww, I wish you hadn't mentioned Michael Jackson -- his face is so scary.
No, helping true patients in need makes sense.

No, I'm talking, too, about the butt lift, the tummy tuck, the five different face surgeries -- you know, like that lady that tried to make herself look like Barbie!! That. Ick.
(But the worst part is we all looked at it at work and now we want to get the book to send to someone. Maybe we'll just send her the link to it.)

Kyle said...

Yeah, most elective plastic surgery has to go. Its revolting what some of these people do to themselves.

I can understand if someone (especially females) have a huge or ugly schnoz and want to get rhinoplasty. Or if a woman who had a mastectomy due to breast cancer wishes to have breast implants.

However, collagen injections, ass lifts, liposuction, and injecting a deadly bacteria into your face are all stupid procedures. For example, instead of getting liposuction, GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND RUN OR DO TAE BO FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!

Before I get too far off topic, that book is ridiculous.

LT Nixon said...


A pretty big waste of technology and scientific development. Reminds me of the opening part of "Idiocracy".

Kyle said...

Haha! Idiocracy was a great movie. I can't wait until the US turns into that. Oh wait...