07 May 2008

Congress to Pay Troops With Unused "Army of One" Tees

Once again, funding for the military is in jeopardy due to bickering in congress. Politico reports (h/t Hot Air):

Pelosi’s calculation, say political analysts, seems clear. Democrats are using the Iraq bill as leverage for billions of dollars in domestic spending priorities. As for anti-war activists, they seem to accept the speaker’s logic: More than 40 previous Iraq votes have left Democrats maxed out in terms of legislative efforts to dictate an end to the war over a veto-wielding President Bush.

It looks like Pelosi is going to let funding for Iraq and Afghanistan go through this time, but if they don't make it snappy, the most important part of military funding is going to be in jeopardy...payday! Bloomberg quotes Pentagon Spokesman Morrell:

The U.S. Army won't be able to pay soldiers beyond June 15 unless Congress approves $108 billion more for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or authorizes a funds transfer, a Defense Department official said. If the supplemental spending legislation isn't enacted by then, the Pentagon will be forced to seek congressional authority to use money designated for other services to fund the Army payroll, department spokesman Geoff Morrell said.
June 15th is right around the corner, and there's nothing worse than fucking with someone's pay, which is usually only done for punitive matters for our junior soldiers/sailors (e.g. Sailor gets a DUI, he gets half-pay for 45 days instead of going to the clink). To offset this loss of financial stability, I recommend that Congress utilize the backlog of "Army of One" recruiting t-shirts in lieu of depositing money in soldiers' bank accounts. The "Army of One" slogan morphed into the "Army Strong" recruiting slogan in 2006, presumably since the "One" part made soldiers look like creepy loners who lived out in the woods railing against the UN/Bilderberg conspiracy to conquer America. I got this idea from my pops, who once told me that factories in Russia would pay their employees with parts manufactured in the factory since the Ruble was so useless in the 90s. But I tell ya, those old "Army of One" shirts are way better than a distributor for a Russian car and are worth their weight in gold. Congress should consider doling out these hot-item commodities in lieu of actual money until they get their shit together.

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