Green Party Kook Alert: This Duff's For You

Duff Badgley: Green Party Candidate for WA Governor

The pamphlet for Washington State's odd "Top 2 primary" arrived in the mail today, and you can't have an honest to goodness Governor election in America without a bunch of weirdos throwing their hat in the rink. Washington is already pretty crunchy and littered with treehuggers, so you know a third-party that thinks the big dogs aren't green enough is going to bring the crazy. Case and point is the Duff Badgley campaign, whose snappy turtleneck and wire-rim glasses just scream prestige. The space given in the pamphlet to the candidate describes a WA Governor that "must convene a Climate Emergency session of the legislature now to enact emergency World War II-type laws". The following are just some bullets to take the great state of WA into the stone age found on the Green Party's website:

• Outlaw Single Occupancy Vehicles (SOVs) except in counties currently with no public transport

The West coast isn't exactly known for its public transit, and most folks drive to work. By shutting down the prime method for people to get to their place of employment, it may have a negative impact on the local economy. Also, how would this law be enforced? Would the cops arresting the majority of people on the roadways in the Puget Sound area be allowed to go solo in their police car?

• Divert hundreds of acres under roof at Boeing Co. from airplane production to mass production of solar, wind, wave and tidal power generating equipment

When a politician attacks the monacle-wearing evils of big business, it's wise to leave out the company that is one of the biggest provider of jobs in the state. During his fascist seizure of local industry, Duff might also want to consider forcing Microsoft to make "No Blood For Oil" screensavers, and Starbucks to only sell hemp bracelets.

• Establish all WA trees as a ‘common good’ aiding climate, needing permit to kill

Treating foliage like people has a lot of ramifications. I accidentally hit a shrub with a weed-whacker the other day. Does that mean I'm complicit in assault with a deadly weapon? I hope this doesn't make me lose my security clearance.

Also, a possible campaign ad for the Green Party suggestion box, which could help spread da meme: