22 July 2008

The Key To Fiscal Responsibility in Health Care: Fatfuck, Uninsured Smokers

A True American Hero (gender of hero remains in question...)

Put away the Pilates ball, lady, and stop going to the gym, you health-obsessed meathead loser. Turns out the key to our healthcare crisis is for people to smoke 2 cartons of Chesterfields a week, be unashamed lardasses, and eat at Jack in the Box as much as possible (the drive thru is 24/7 for a reason). The logic is that people who kick the bucket early cost society less money in the long run. From the Seattle Times:

Let's put it bluntly: Longer lives cost more money. Those who make it to 90 thanks to exercise and six daily servings of vegetables are more likely to suffer the expensive ravages of old age. Everyone dies of something. So he who avoids a fatal heart attack at 70 is more at risk of cancer at 80. Those extra 10 years can mean extra CT scans, hip replacements and physical therapy, even for those in relative good health.

So next time some fat fuck's rolls of cellulite are drooping into your personal space on an airplane, give him or her a high five! Next time your aunt is sucking down a Virginia Slim through a trach-hole, tell her to keep up the good work! Unless you social engineering types want to implement some Logan's Run style scenario, I suggest everyone take up some unhealthy habits.

The Dutch (lightyears ahead of us puritan pukes in the states on progressive issues), have already started a "One and Universal Smokers of God" church to help us reach enlightenment. As late-great GG Allin said: Live Fast, Die Fast.