03 July 2008

Young Republicans And Their Image Problem

It's gotta be tough being a young Republican these days. The approval rating for the President has reached epic lows and McCain has been branded as a more geezerly, senile embodiment of our current administration. Savvy Democratic operatives have even stated that voting Republican will ensure you won't get laid, and attempts by the McCain campaign to do outreach on this new-fangled internet thing have been ridiculed mercilessly by the netroots.

Therefore, it is admirable that The Next Right is trying to jump on the political bandwagon by drawing attention to the hipness of being a young conservative. But they should have picked a better project to highlight than the "Where is the Red" campaign, which promises to travel through Republican strongholds in middle America with pictures and videos along the way. I've been through our country's bible belt on many occasions, and while the folks are most friendly, a location where every radio station and billboard is about Jesus dying for your sins, the Monster truck rally at the state fairgrounds, or the all-you-can-eat buffet at the Cracker Barrel isn't conventionally viewed as "cool".

One of the bloggers at Where is the Red is Jeremy, who writes about the "Red Army" in Florida. I would've picked a different choice of words not affiliated with the tyranny of communism, and I also would have shied away from throwing the term "Army" around when the U.S. Army is strapped for recruits from Jeremy's demographic, but that's just me (sign up today, Jeremy, and get a bonus!). Anyhoo, he writes about the hip, young stylings of Congressman Putnam (R-FL):

Right now, the Putnam campaign is preparing for an assortment of events for the 4th of July: a parade and the big barbecue. Apparently, the Congressman recently acquired a fire truck and will be using it in the parade. The congressman loves the fire truck, mainly for its redness. It used to be former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert’s truck and when he retired he offered to sell it to Congressman Putnam. Now it’s a campaign staple and rightfully so. What kid’s dream isn’t to ride on a fire truck? Picture a “Where is the Red?” fire truck…

BBQs and Firetrucks...the new urban chic! There's also young Christie, who makes it incredibly difficult to tell if she is writing for a political-themed site or one of the forums in Hustler with a post rife with double entrendes, "Hey, You Have Something on your Shirt":

I chose mine (Bono's own "Sweet and Tangy" sauce) and attempted to pour some out onto my sandwich but nothing was coming out of the bottle. I squeezed a little harder and of course more sauce than I ever needed splattered/exploded all over my sandwich, the table, my lap, my shirt, and a few drops even made it to my hair. In case I wasn't already aware, Chris was kind enough to point out that I had something on my shirt.

The only explanation for this is that she suffered a censored childhood where she wasn't allowed to watch R-rated movies. Good luck to you youngsters, and for a lesson on "being cool" please view Ninja Rap below, the Vanilla Ice scene from TMNT II where the turtles break it down. Quite possibly the coolest cinematic sequence of our lifetime.