20 August 2008

Perpetually Outraged Mothers Stick To Their Guns on Drinking Laws

You're Either w/MADD or You Get 2 Days of Time Out in the Lobotomy Room

The Amethyst Initiative is a group of college professors who got together and asked the completely radical question "Hey, if 18 year olds can vote, serve on a jury, drive a HAZMAT truck full of toxic chemicals through downtown, die in a war, and move into their own place, why can't they enjoy a delicious beer legally?". These educators were most likely tired of the increasingly "Peter Pan" effect of our college students, who have been so coddled by their parents this day and age that they can't even tie their own shoes without calling home to Mom. It's not that radical a proposition and was tried once before in this country. During the 70s, when you could get drafted to serve in the jungle at 18, the drinking age got lowered to 18 as well. However, in one of Reagan's more totalitarian moments in 1984, he signed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act, which cut highway funding for states that didn't submit to this ridiculous encroachment on personal responsibility.

Anyways, it took the "supreme moral authority" nannies at MADD about two seconds to issue a massive attack against the Amethyst Initiative on their website. They've even published a list of chancellors from the universities that dared to suggest we treat people like adults threatening "to think carefully about the safety of colleges whose presidents have signed on." The root of the problem seems to be with this statement on their website:

"Maintaining the legal drinking age at 21 is a socially and medically sound policy that helps parents, schools and law enforcement protect our youth from the potentially life-threatening effects of underage drinking."

Treating college students, the future leaders of our country, like "youth" will certainly ensure that we become a nation of self-serving man-childs who can't take responsibility for their own actions...let alone solve future crises threatening our civilization. So this is how cuddle parties for adults got started! The only words for MADD can be quoted from a wiser man than myself "Mind Your Own Fuckin' Business!".