16 September 2008

Bindles Rising, Monocle Sales Are Kaputz

Brother, can you spare a dime?!? As the stock market goes tits up and HP cuts 25,000 jobs, it's time to start realizing that we are living in the economic shits. While your yacht gets seized by the repo man, realize that there is some silver lining to this dark cloud. Check it out:

Tunes: The malaise-ridden 70s saw Punk come to prominence with three chords, spiked collars, and a whole slew of great bands including The Ramones, Black Flag, and The Germs. During the recession in the early 90s, metal reached its zenith as Slayer's Season in the Abyss was released and Metallica had yet to puss out for at least 5 more years. All we had going on in the economic boom of the late 90s was a bunch of teeny bopper crap like The Backstreet Boys.

Drinking: People seem to drink a lot more heavily when the going ain't so good. Maybe they'll finally start closing all these yuppiesque Yoga joints in Seattle and open more bars where you feel like you need a tetanus shot after you walk out at closing time. Kincoras comes to mind, where I once watched Ice Pirates while drinking Rainier beer. It got closed down to make room for a bunch of fuckin' condos. Those places rule and need to have a revival.

The Hobo Life: Homeless people often get a bad rap as being deranged lunatics in modern America (see Bum Fights). The tough times should bring the simple life back into fashion as we all sing the words to "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" while heading to California like a bunch of Okies.

You people see sub-rime lemons, well let's make some sub-prime lemonade, ya whiners!