07 October 2008

Freaky Christian Zionists Invade My Mailbox

Luckily, their literature makes for a good coaster

So I usually never get anything good in my old-school mail, except the occasional coupon from Deja Vu on a 2-for-1 lap dance, but I was totally ecstatic to get this creepy propaganda on the coming end of the world today. It seems to be from one of these eschatology groups (see Blumenthal's Rapture Ready for a good explanation). Basically, they advocate starting a nuclear war between Iran and Israel to bring about the end times and the second coming of Jesus. Transcribed:
Worldwide upheaval will lead to the rise of the "Beast", which is the world dictator and a council of ten leaders (with three removed). They will have power on a global scale. He will, for a time, bring order to chaos. He will appear to resolve world problems. He will make a 7 year peace treaty with Israel, but after 3.5 years he will break that peace and invade Israel.
I don't even know what the hell these people are talking about, but it's either an anti-Obama 527 or a prelude to Maiden's new album. It keeps going (and then some):
Israel will suffer greatly at the hands of its enemies but at the end of this 7 year tribulation period, God will sovereignly interven: the armies of the world will ultimate go to war against the Lord himself. But the Lord, who is called Faithful and True, will bring swift judgement against the Antichrist, the one world government, and the armies of the world. He will utterly consume them all.
It's not sounding like a very good time to make long-term property investments, but fortunately for us, Jesus eventually shows up:
Jesus Christ Himself, the Prince of Peace, will rule over the nations, and He will restore the earth to its original beauty and balance.
I'm not really anti-religion or even against people putting this craziness in my mailbox, but when some of our leaders seem to advocate foreign policy based on beliefs like this, I understand why there is separation of Church and State.

The website the literature invites you to visit is BibleGateway.com, which is advertised by this little fat kid talking about how it's fun to rock out to Bible verses. The website hardly seems malign or political, and I'm just not understanding how the Bible can be taken to advocate such an extremist foreign policy.