13 December 2008

Important Question Time: Is Santa Claus a Commie or a Heartless Capitalist?

A bloke from Australia suggests that Jolly Old St. Nick is really a communist trojan horse unleashed on the masses, and that he should be stopped by any means necessary. From The Australian (by way of Wonkette):

Soon Father Christmas will rise from his underground base in the Arctic like a missile rising from its silo – to launch his attack on every western city. He’ll fly under the radar. No jets will take off to shoot the commie bastard down. No Star Wars barrier will activate. Nothing to stop him dropping a nuke down the White House chimney. Don’t let your kiddies near him. Blast him out of the skies.
But it would be rise to call upon the yuletide wisdom of The Vandals Christmas album where they parody the famous socialist-punkers, Crass. From "I Don't Believe in Santa Claus":
I don't believe in Santa Clause-
his corporate image forced upon
the blinded spending masses,
to enslave the lower classes

with obligatory gifts that serve to cleanse
a year of guilt and shame.
One token gesture justifies
the apathetic, hypnotized.

Leaving them to be Kris Kringle's slaves.
Buy! Buy! I won't do it.
The seasons obligation has not my participation.
Buy! Buy! I won't do it.
The money hungry mating call of corporate swine.
I'm going with The Vandals, but what do you think? Is our beloved bearded fatso a comrade or a stooge? Or you could just go with the Westboro Baptist Church interpretation and say we're on a sleigh ride to eternal damnation.


Shea said...

the communist Santa goes by the name ded moraz,