27 January 2008

CPAC-Iraq 2008: Get Your War On!

CPAC 2008 is just around the corner from Feb. 7-9th, promising to celebrate all things conservative in the Washington D.C. area. The Young Republicans of Virginia call it "WITHOUT QUESTION, THE SINGLE GREATEST MOMENT IN HISTORY" (notice how it's in all caps emphasizing the sheer importance!). Personally, I'm totally stoked that such a meeting of the minds will take place, but I must admit, I feel a little left out since I'm "Stuck in Iraq" as the old adage goes. So I got to thinking, why not host my own CPAC out here to get a meeting of the minds from back on the homefront together in the Green Zone, located in beautiful Baghdad. It's called CPAC-Iraq 2008: Get Your War On!

I did the photoshopping myself!

  • Reasons for CPAC-Iraq: With a country seemingly losing interest in the long war to focus on more important issues like changing the constitution to define "marriage", Hillary Clinton's latest fundraising hoopla, and government handouts so people can go shopping at Walmart, I felt a strong desire to educate the youth of our country. Looking at the student agenda for that other CPAC wasn't helping quell my dispositions that our nation's youth were in trouble. I first became concerned with my generation while viewing Max Blumenthal's video "Generation Chickenhawk", which highlighted that youngsters thought they could stand by on the sidelines and watch worldwide terrorism go unchecked. Youngsters need to learn that slapping a ribbon on their car isn't helping any. Even though the young lass at ~1:05 in the video is a total babe, I assure you, General Order #1 ensures those in uniform have the highest moral standards and this is not a big scam to meet chicks. I'll also make sure the finest refreshments trucked in from Kuwait are provided.
No shortages of cold bottled water at this CPAC!

  • Gettin' Smart: Now I understand your "commie" professors don't like to talk about the war on terrorism, some of them probably say it's all a big Bush/Cheney conspiracy, so I'll help you get educated on that subject so you can fight back. Iraq is chocked full of terrorists such as Al-Masri, ringleader of Al-Qaeda Iraq, who likes to use kids even younger than you as suicide bombers. There's also these guys called Special Groups who are into some nasty things that are like "way uncool!". Plus, as an added bonus, I'll walk you around the Green Zone and you can see all the ridiculous crap Saddam built himself while his people languished in poverty. Now, I've got to work during that weekend, but I'll have a 103-page Powerpoint slide for you (in true staff weenie fashion) to show off in the evening. To keep y'all occupied during the daytime, I have a most excellent bootleg DVD collection in my hooch.

Battlefield Earth is really good the 6th time you watch it

The Iraqis starved to death for decades and all they got was this lousy Saddam head

  • Better Public Speaking: When you use words like "Islamofascist" or "Culture War" you might send some of the more moderate members in our alliance against extremists running to the hills! Hell, even David Horowitz, one of the keynote speakers at the other CPAC, called presidential candidate Ron Paul an Islamofascist, what's that supposed to mean? Take it from a Marine, Major General Gaskin, who's wrapping up a very successful tour in Anbar Province: "They respect and trust us, and we respect and trust them."

Not every Muslim is an "Islamofascist", learn from those that know

  • No Ethical Conundrums like CPAC 2007: Now, I heard about all the lies the leftistas were trying to spread last year about the Marine, Matt Sanchez, being a former gay-porn star by the swingin' handle of Rod Majors. He was embellished with praise at CPAC '07, even though respected neo-con, Ann Coulter, used the word "faggoty" during a speech. Not to worry! LT Nixon's no homophobe, and everyone's sexual orientation is really none of my business. I even respect Matt Sanchez as a milblogger and understand sometimes you gotta make ends meet.

No conflict of interests this year!

So all you folks partying it up out in college, take off those togas and strap on your body armor w/kevlar and fly on out to Baghdad. This will be the sweetest CPAC yet!

Disclaimer: Once in a while people in the military like jokin' around, if you think this is for real, you truly have no soul.


Anonymous said...


The Libertarian Party will be at CPAC in Washington. Can we expect a representative with that POV in Baghdad? At least show the movie "Brazil."


CW said...

"To keep y'all occupied during the daytime, I have a most excellent bootleg DVD collection in my hooch."

I'm always amazed that people don't see this as an indication of someone's character.

Bag Blog said...

Darn, I was looking forward to the bottled water and bootlegged movies.

LT Nixon said...


Brazil is an excellent movie.


Uh... not sure where you are going with this.

Bag Blog,

No worries, you can also get a lot of bootlegs in China or Taiwan if you are ever in the neighborhood.

Aaron Kinney said...

Clicky on the linky below to see where that phrase was made infamous:

Get Your War On!

FOARP said...

Damn, that 'Chickenhawk' video was far out, but hey, every country has retards like those folks.

You just shouldn't vote them into power.

RE: Taiwanese bootlegs - not so easy to get hold of, you have to walk into the store, umm and ahh for a while and then ask to see the 'special' DVDs. In China they have big stores even near the centre of major cities like Shanghai jam packed with them. It literally is impossible to buy genuine DVDs over the counter in China.

@CW - "To keep y'all occupied during the daytime, I have a most excellent bootleg DVD collection in my hooch."

I'm always amazed that people don't see this as an indication of someone's character.

You mean watching bootlegs? Numero uno: the guy probably can't even get hold of genuine DVDs where he's at unless his family sends them.

Numero duo: Believe me, everybody does it nowadays. Back in December I was at a conference on IP piracy prevention in the EU, the delegates were a good mix of British and Mainland Europeans with a few Americans and Asians thrown in. one of the speakers asked for a show of hands of those who had illegally downloaded or bought bootleg copies of copyrighted material, pretty much everybody under the age of 35 put their hand up. Remeber, these are IP professionals and students we are talking about, not the local university bong circle.

LT Nixon said...


Haha, I admit I just used China and Taiwan euphemistically, I have actually never been there. Have been to Thailand though, tons of bootlegs there! I like them because it's the only way I can see the new movies that come out, and I'm a total movie junkie. Thanks for getting my back.