14 March 2008

Kansas Couple Sets Back the Midwest Decades

I grew up in the Midwest and I thought it was okay: friendly folks, laid back atmosphere, uh...sledding. But has anyone else seen the movie Gummo? This movie came out shortly before I moved to California. While a tragically humorous depiction of some aspects of my childhood, it forced me to answer many embarrassing questions from my new found left-coast friends. These included whether I tortured small animals, lost my virginity to an autistic prostitute, and ate dinner in the bathtub. It was all well and good at the time, and us Midwestern folks had shaken this sordid image...until this bombshell gets dropped this morning about a woman stuck on the toilet for two years in Kansas:

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.
"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."
The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

The idea of a woman having her skin entangled into the toilet like a tree root growing around a fencepost is enough to lose your lunch. I can't determine whether this is just a case of serious domestic abuse or serious dementia. Either way it is very disturbing. Anyhoo, I've got my alibi set, in case anyone asks a similar question. I was once on a toilet for a long period of time, but it was because I was wasted on Mickey's, not because I was stone-cold batshit.

Gummo: They finally told my life story!

6 comments:

Tin Ma'am said...

... I live in Kansas now (dont know if you know that). Trust me, I've seen some weird shit here. There's not a day when I dont wish I was in California.

LT Nixon said...

You've gone from the land of "fruits and nuts" to the land of cornfields...must be a bit of a culture shock! I felt the same way when I moved to CA.

Bag Blog said...

Okay, that was pretty weird - even for Kansas.

Lindsay aka Corn said...

Native Iowa girl here(currently residing in Texas), let me tell you. I've spent A LOT of time in California and I would pick the cornfields and nice people of the midwest over the hippies and yuppies of the breakfast state ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

No offense...but have you seen the craziness that takes place in Berkeley? I would be afraid it's contagious!

Tin Ma'am said...

well... dont get me started on how people drive here. The speed limit says 65. I expect people to go 65. not 45.

I have road rage here - not in cali.

I would take the suburbs of LA over these religious whackos... I saw a huge billboard saying that "the eyes of god are watching you" and in small text there was "pornography is not Christian". A mile down the road, guess what was there? an adult superstore.

That and there's more to do in LA. KS is boring me to tears.

LT Nixon said...

Bag Blog & Lindsay,

Give it up for the Midwest representin'!

Tin Ma'am,

Yes, welcome to the bible belt. I'm grew up more in the rust belt part of the Midwest, but there are similarities. I seriously dispute that Californians know how to drive. I rode a motorcycle and was almost smeared by numerous young starlets with dreams of becoming actresses...unfortunately their dreams did not take into account that they were making a left turn when I was in oncoming traffic. Yikes!