10 April 2008

Help Make Gary the Most Hated Dude on the Internets

The 10 most hated people on the internet has been released by Radar (h/t LGF). The Marine that tossed the pooch was #4, Kos was #7 (the people who compiled this list must be Hillary fans), and notable Ivy-league douchebag John Fitzgerald Page was #2. But where the hell was Gary?

You might be wondering who this enigmatic Gary is. He's a former O-ganger from Pearl, shares my bitterness except his is to the nth degree, and once wouldn't come out to a bar on Friday night because he "gave up on life". Well, he got out of the Navy, which was probably a smart move. Of the 5 JOs who rotated to shore tour on my boat, 2 are at prototype at Charleston (if you don't what that is, trust me, it sucks), 1 is at GTMO, 1 is in Iraq (me), and 1 is heading to Iraq. So much for shore tour being the easy time. Anyhoo, enough whining, Gary resigned and I hadn't heard from him, but it seems like he's living pretty high on the hog as evidenced by this recent article in a Vegas newspaper.

As far as I can surmise, some gossip journalist was interviewing gentlemen involved in judging a boob contest at a strip joint in Vegas where any woman could sign up. Gary introduced himself as an arms-defense worker "We make shit what kills people. ... Death has been a successful business." Gary got angry about the evening's festivities "He then proclaimed the whole night a 'banal, insipid hell' peopled in a grandiose, least-common denominator.'" But he still found time to rock out "Gary pulled out two business cards and began to make them disappear, a magic trick. I told him I didn't believe his name was Newton. He confessed it was not and further admitted he was not from Ohio, but L.A. When he walked away, he pointed his fingers in the air, shook his hips and grooved toward the thump-thump DJ spinnings of Rage Against the Machine." Surely some of the female readers can be angry about such brash hooliganism. Help make Gary the most hated person ever, he'd find it hilarious.


Anonymous said...

I hope Gary gets gonnorhea.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, Page gets my vote -- just for giving guys a bad name everywhere. What a scuzz. Please don't ever, ever be like him!!

Anonymous said...

Well, you shouldn't be like Gary, either -- if you can help it!!

Anonymous said...

Is the Gary available to babysit my children?

Anonymous said...

LT Nixon: You might be wondering who this enigmatic Gary is.

Not so much. However, I can't help but wonder how you found this article. It doesn't quite seem like the kind of thing someone would forward out about themselves...so how did you stumble onto it? Do you obsessively google the names of your former O-gangers?

He does have an interesting way with words though.

gage said...

Alright, I've made this offer once before and I see you need it more than ever now! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, Lt. Nixon, for chrissake, LET ME SEND YOU SOME NEW BOOKS! Next you'll be reading soup can labels and writing about them here! Man, do you ever need something to read!

Stay safe, (if not sane.)

LT Nixon said...


The extent of Gary's presence knows no bounds. That and my buddy from Gitmo emailed me the story. Gary Newton is not his real name, rather his stage name, uh, i guess.

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with this kid? Does he just hate strippers?