26 August 2008

Taking on Chuck Norris, Please Don't Roundhouse Kick Me in the Face

Try not to get Uzi'd by the Chuck Norris Underage Drinking Patrol

The fame of The Chuck Norris Facts within military culture really can't be overstated. Like "Kilroy was Here" during WWII, one-liners about Chuck Norris can be found throughout the porta-potty walls on FOBs across Iraq and Afghanistan. Mr. Norris is also an avid troop supporter, having visited Iraq twice to hang out with forward-deployed personnel. But frankly, I'm talking the side of Nicki and Eric in not knowing why the hell he would deny the ability for those that are allowed to serve our country grab a beer.

In response to an initiative amongst universities to treat people like adults, Chuck Norris writes a slam-piece in the conservative World Net Daily that cites the standard opposition to lowering the drinking age to 18 (more drunk-driving fatalities, caring for our children, blah blah). But what stuck out the most was his peddling of cultural conservatism to the youth, just after his shameless plug for his upcoming book, Black Belt Nation:

We need your help. I need your help to join me and millions of others in a revolution (or, if you will, a rebelution), not to abandon the principles of the past but combine them together with social action in the present to build a better tomorrow. In other words, it's time to make some noise!

The principles of the past? Is he talking about the "golden era" of AIDS, high crime, and god-awful baggy pants that plagued my generation? Or the Jim Crow laws, getting away with beating women, and social upheaval that plagued his? I never understood the cultural conservative argument, as it seems to harp on morals and values that only existed on television and were rarely practiced.