A Journey into the Heart of Darkness: The 2008 Dem PlatformD

It Smelled Like Slow Death in There

Following up on the amateur analysis of the GOP platform, the Dem platform is out(pdf) and worth taking a gander at. I admit to once having a strong dislike of the Democrats when I first became interested in politics during the Clinton days, which was probably the result of listening to a lot of Waco-era talk radio growing up. But, the times have definitely changed, and old partisan lines have been redefined. Here's the rating systems of the platform (out of 4 Sinbads for good, out of 4 Mr. Van Driessens for heinous)

Sinbads (out of 4): The hilarious comedian and star of the epic TV show, A Different World, and the underated 1995 classic, Houseguest, embodies the best traits of liberalism. He understands that institutionalized forms of intolerance are best defeated at a grass roots level by relentless mocking and parodying of the hypocrisy in the cultural elite. While advocating for change, Sinbad still holds a profound affection for this country by serving in the Air Force (despite going AWOL a few times) and doing USO tours into a conflict zone to boost morale among forward deployed Americans (even though he didn't come under sniper fire the way Hillary remembered).

Mr Van. Driessen (out of 4): The wussy teacher of Beavis and Butthead embodies the worst of liberalism. A cult-like fanaticism exists within his mind towards emphasizing people's feelings and being one with mother nature like some sort of hippy ant colony. Mr. Van D can only sense injustice within the own confines of his silly little world, as shown with his distrust of authority figures in law enforcement and irrational fear of human progress. Naively singing songs about Lesbian seagulls, while madmen overseas plot to massacre both nature-lover and corporate fat-cats alike. Mr. Van Driessen represents the dregs of modern liberalism and is not a good choice for a candidate in a time of uncertainty.

The Issues:

• Economy: Entitlement programs, ahoy! The platform wants to give Joe and Jane schmoe energy rebates to accommodate rising gas prices, health coverage for Americans similar to the plans congressmen get, stronger social security, stronger medicare/medicaid, and much, much more. There's probably some shit in their about free puppy dogs and lollipops to voters in bellwether states, but it's hard not to space out when reading this beast of a PDF. They also want to pump in a whopping $50 Billion to local and state coffers that will certainly save incompetent government programs from the chopping block in these tough times. All this money doesn't grow on trees, and these pie-in-the-sky promises are exacerbating the problem of government misspending that has gone on in both the major political parties, which makes the dollar more worthless, making shit more expensive, and making me have to haul a wheelbarrow full of cash to the liquor store to buy a pack of smokes for fuck's sakes.

Rating: 3 Van Driessens

• Energy: The Dems are pushing hard for the cap and trade system, which would cut greenhouse gases and prevent Denver from becoming beach front property in the future due to global warming. And who doesn't like the idea of more jobs being created to develop infrastructure and the like. But even the platform's ambitious zeal for "green-collar" jobs can't make totally wacky promises, and they seek only 25% of America's energy from renewables by 2025. Scrounging around the platform for nuclear power, one only finds something about how awful it would be in using the barren, uninhabitable expanse of Yucca mountain as a place to store nuclear waste. Seems a bit unrealistic and lofty a proposal to put all our eggs in one solar-powered basket, and we'll most likely continue giving Chavez petrobucks until we can come to our senses on a reasonable energy policy. The platform also mentions harnessing American ingenuity to free America from the "the tyranny of oil". Hmm. I'm confused about the context here, because if it wasn't for crude oil and its distilled products, we'd probably be bitching about needing the local consulate to mend the yoke for our oxens because all the able-bodied men died of the bubonic plague or something of a medieval nature. I think the Dems are looking for solutions that aren't totally anti-growth, but they need to keep lookin' harder. If any of you know the silver bullet to our energy woes (which can't be destroyed or created tanks to the crummy law of thermodynamics), you've got my vote!
  

Rating: 1 Van Driessen

• Military/Diplomacy: Lots of good ideas to expand the State Dept (by way of the Peace Corps), Americorps, and the military, Scrapping the archaic Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is a way to allow more Americans to serve their country. Also, expanding diplomatic options as service-based rather than career-based would have more people working for Uncle Sam as opposed to the indirect method we have now, where many civilians serve as contractors. The Dems focus a lot on the conflict in Afghanistan/Pakistan, and I hate everything they tried to fly during the surge, but the reality is that the future administration will require a reduction of military forces in Iraq, and more focus in A-stan/Pakistan. This has been the position of the Democrats for a long time, even when it was completely irresponsible, but it would be a good thing for Iraq and America if withdrawal was done based on the conditions now. As for Iran, they say they will have diplomatic negotiations without preconditions to prevent Iran from developing nuke weapons. Not a bad idea, since saber-rattling has got us jack and shit the last 28 years. The only beef I have is with China, because the Dems talk about economic trade with the emerging giant as a way to foster a more legitimate regime, but the Dems platform on trade was alarmingly protectionist to placate the union cronies that have their dicks in punch bowl. Seems like they want to have their cake and eat it too. I have no reason to question that Dems care for vets, as Sen. Webb, a Dem, was the ones who passed the GI Bill and was awarded the Military Coalition Award.
  

Rating: 3 Sinbads

• Values: The Dems acknowledge the 2nd amendment, but want to instate the assault weapons ban. Bye-bye zombie protection kit! They also support money going to churches, despite the infringement on the first amendment. More pandering to the evangelical base, when they clearly will have trouble getting these votes because they are pro-choice. And if you are irresponsible enough to knock someone up or get knocked up without the means of raising a small kid, your babies will be shipped off to Pre-K on the government's dime. Lucky you. The platform also gives would-be fathers advice: "We need more fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to understand that what makes a man is not the ability to have a child–it’s the courage to raise one." I find this very offensive that a political party would feel the need to explain something so obvious to the unwashed masses. Maybe in 2012 they'll tell people how to tie their shoes. However, the platform gets some props for strongly supporting tribal sovereignty, which is a matter not often discussed.
  

Rating: 2 Van Driessens

This platform isn't bad on national security (never thought I would say that for the lefties), but promises an awful lot of goodies from Uncle Sugar to woo voters come election time. The foreign investors must be ecstatic at the amount of cash our country is willing to borrow. The Dems have the fiscal spending responsibility of a 15 year-old at a Gucci shop in Beverly Hills with Daddy's plastic. Unfortunately, we're all gonna have to pick up the tab eventually. You say Hope and Change, and I say Game Over, Man! See you all at the burn barrel under the bridge.

What are your thoughts on the platform?

Finally...A Dating Site That Provides Cheap Sex, Brains

Created by Mingle2.com

With the impending apocalypse upon us, it's comforting to know that your libido will persevere. Check it. (h/t Ms Kiyum)

Dr. Strangelove Ending as Symbolic of Lousy Blogging

Sorry, I've been a slackass on getting that post on the DNC Platform up after the GOP platform reviews...no excuses sir/ma'am. So enjoy the Dr. Strangelove ending in the meantime, which is an allegory for mankind's hubris and folly, or just Peter Sellers being hilarious if you aren't into the whole doomsday thing. I'll try and have something up manana. :-\

HDIS.com Saves America

Anyone else have a problem shitting all over themselves while in public? After a night of heavy drinking and cruising for tweaked-out hookers, I sure do. That's why there's a great new company with a unique service to prevent my already fragile modesty from being decimated. It's Home Delivery Incontinent Supplies (or HDIS), which promises to deliver adult diapers right to your home, so that you can save yourself the embarrassment of buying the jumbo pack of Depends at the local Walgreens. Check it out!

Chicken Littles in Hollywood

Adam McKay is best known for the hilarious romp of a comedy, Anchorman, but now that the election season is upon us, he feels the need to swim way outside his lane and self-righteously pontificate to all the little people out here in blog land. Where else to do this but the Huffington Post, a place where you can get lame celebrity gossip mixed up with god-awful political commentary about that evil Halliburton-controlled conservative media (fuck you Rove!). Basically, Mr. McKay says that all morally, upright citizens need to start putting their noses to the grindstone or "We're Gonna Frickin' Lose This Thing!" Many on the right (Jules Crittenden, Moonbattery, Dirty Harry) have stated that this is a sign of the inevitable demise of the Obama campaign apparatus, but I was most taken aback by this comment:

Something is not right. We have a terrific candidate and a terrific VP candidate. We're coming off the worst eight years in our country's history. Six of those eight years the Congress, White House and even the Supreme Court were controlled by the Republicans and the last two years the R's have filibustered like tantrum throwing 4-year-olds, yet we're going to elect a Republican who voted with that leadership 90% of the time and a former sportscaster who wants to teach Adam and Eve as science?

C'mon, dude. The last 8 years haven't been swell, but the worst ever in American history? What about the Civil War: 600K Americans dead, gangrenous limbs getting hacked off left and right, and a schism in the country that still sorta exists 150 years later? That shit sucked.

Did Guns N' Roses lie to us?

This campaign is incredibly passionate for a lot of people, but silly hyperbole just confirms a certain nuttiness that liberals have long been accused of (see yippies invading Disneyland, as an example).

Dems Court the Elderly by Mandating Frustratingly Slow Driving Behavior

Slow it Down, Ya Whippersnappers!

It's bad enough that the country is locked into the Ponzi schemes of Medicare and Social Security that we can't afford to get the all-important gray panther vote, but now the left-leaning pundits are jumping on the idea that every car be relegated to the slow lane behind Grandma tooling along to the bakery in her Buick. The 55 MPH speed limit has already been mulled over on environmental grounds, but Kent Sepkowitz takes it one step further and says that automobiles should be manufactured, with federal enforcement, to go no faster than 75! From the NY Times:

Our continued, deliberate production of potentially law-breaking devices has no real precedent. We regulate all sorts of items to decrease danger to the public, from baby cribs to bicycle helmets. Yet we continue to produce fast cars despite the lives lost, the tens of billions spent treating accident victims, and a good deal of gasoline wasted...

Despite all this, we Americans insist on the inalienable right to speed. Imagine, for a moment, if E-ZPass kept track of exactly when each car entered one toll booth and exited another, which would allow local governments to do some basic math, dividing distance traveled by time spent. If this calculation showed you to be a speeder, the authorities would send you a traffic ticket. Lives, money and oil would be saved and proof of wrongdoing would be undeniable, but the public outcry would be deafening.

Yes, Kent, the public outcry would probably be deafening, especially when motorists started getting traffic tickets for going 9,000 MPH due to a "basic math" error on the part of this shoddy enforcement measure. It's odd, how the Dems (yes Kent is definitely a liberal as evidenced by his campaign contributions) are so up in arms about the government's ability to monitor terrorist communication within our borders, but see no qualms with putting a tracker chip under your hood to ensure you are going easy on the lead foot.

Besides, driving under 75 might be a good idea on the eastern seaboard, but you try passing a trucker late on his delivery in western Nebraska. Sometimes you gotta put that hammer down unless you want to be a sitting duck in the big rig's killzone of a blindspot. To Kent's credit, he's a NYC doctor, and probably doesn't need to drive a little fast because he's running late for work. Of course, you don't see people from "fly-over" country calling for a federal mandate on Brie cheese because it might lead to a coronary.

I have always been astounded by people seeking federal policy, regulated by the suits in DC instead of at the local level, designed to socially engineer acceptable behavior to this utopian society they seek of people not driving, but riding around on tandem bikes with Obama bumper stickers slapped on the basket or some bullshit. Is it their own type of culture war because they despise the macho attitude embodied in fast cars? At least they came up with a flimsy guise for this proposal to regulate coolness. Next up is an Op-Ed about the noise from Harleys disrupting the eco-system, so everyone needs to drive a pink Vespa.

Mmm...speed

Vets Talk Politics

Blue Vets:




Red Vets:



And, uh, Adam Kokesh:



Who supports Bob Barr, like me, despite the fact that we have vast ideological differences. But hey, at least we got the full political spectrum covered.

Milbloggies Are Up

JP has the details on this year's Milbloggies. It's like a blog contest, except it's all people with ties to the military community. So it's slightly less nerdier than the Kirk Vs. Picard Fan Fiction contest, but still geeky enough for the rest of us. Visit the contest link...or else mittens gets it.

Be A Phony Vet for Fun and Profit

Baron Munchhausen, the original Phony Vet

2 Dinar writes of an awkward relation between the younger veteran community and the American public. They state that politcos are using shameless plugs for the military to obscure the real policy issues at hand. Judging by the color guard and fake military funeral that was at the RNC, I'd say there is some pretty compelling evidence of this behavior in Washington. But the bizarre infatuation of politicians of utilizing the troops for political theater can generate a lot of sympathy in the American mindset for those poor troops. The shouts of "baby-killer" and "ROTC Nazi!" are pretty much gone from the granola-loving college campuses, but a strange sense of pity exists where most people think military personnel do what they do because they have no other choice. Like a 12 year-old prostitute makin' a living in Bombay, people would only go off and die in Iraq or Afghanistan out of sheer economic desperation...so the misguided logic goes. That's why it is profitable to dress yourself up like a phony vet to cash in on people's collective guilt. From military.com:

A man posing in a military uniform while shopping at local businesses who was afforded tax-free and soldier discounts has bilked mom and pop convenience store owners and other retail outlets out of thousands of dollars and today is jailed in Cumberland County.

This young punk's scheme is nothing new, and it was a serious problem for Vietnam vets, which you can read about in the book Stolen Valor. There have been many others who have done the phony vet thing. Many are like the chap who tried to score free crap from unsuspecting merchants. Others have odd psychological issues where they need copious amounts of attention, like college student Lisa Jane Phillips, who claimed she was flying combat missions in Iraq on the weekends while she was attending a liberal arts school. The historic precedent for phony vetdom is Baron Munchhausen, who told elaborate tales of traveling to the moon and killing scary monsters in 18th century Europe. These folks exploit the graciousness of others in an awkward time for civilian-military relations and deserve whatever's coming to them...

Late Night Tunes: Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk to Fuck

The new Buckcherry song "Too Drunk" has a funny video, but it's a shameless rip of the Dead Kennedys original. Check it out:

Faux Patriotism At the Conventions

Patriotism is too abstract a concept to be put into a catchy jingle for public consumption at a massively choreographed political convention. Sure, the delegates can chant "U-S-A" and rock the lapel pins until the cows come home, but only the actions of one's existence can speak to a calling greater than themselves. Being part of the political process at these wingdings in Denver and Minnesota certainly demonstrates that the individuals involved have some interest in making America a better place, and therefore signifies a patriotic spirit (yes, even the Paultards). After all, we would still be paying taxes to the Queen of England if it wasn't for the Continental Congress (aka the Old Skool convention). But when these muckity-mucks try to make a point about how much they love their country to swindle a vote or two, since they assume the rubes in fly-over country can't grapple with the real issues, they come off like a bunch of creeps. Take a look at these two examples:

Apparently, the Republicans were trying to use the infamous Walter Reed Medical Center in their green-screen backdrop during McCain's acceptance speech. The problem is that it was Walter Reed Middle School in Los Angeles, not the place to rehabilitate our wounded vets. Brian McGough, someone who spent some time there after he was WIA in Iraq, has the details at VetVoice. The principal of the school even posted that the RNC had not asked them to use pics, and seeing how she is from LA Unfied School District, she probably is an ardent leftista. Whoops. This was probably the error of some overzealous intern that isn't skilled in the ways of Teh Google Image Search. Pisspoor editing like this in the future could mean that the POW tribute is just a bunch of clips of Hogan's Heros, and the tribute to active-duty Armed forces is screen shots from Halo 3. What a boneheaded mistake.

Moving on to the other side of the aisle, the Denver Post has the scoop on flags from the DNC left in garbage bags like a bunch of unwanted babies on prom night. Look at the Denver Post updates for denial from the punidilicious operatives, but the picture speaks for itself. The American flags that they were handing out to Obamamaniacs to prove to America that the Dems have boner over patriotic values too didn't get much respect off-camera.

So do the two big political parties hate America and have no respect for veterans? I really doubt it. But the methodology they employ to showcase these values comes off as awkward and phony. They should uphold the true standard of American patriotism, and that would be the antics of Missile Command record-holder, Mr. Awesome.

Patriotism at its finest!

Motorhead Might Support Obama, But See Who Supports McCain

Wek points out that Motorhead is pulling for Obama. But didja know that Jack Nicholson is a McCain guy:



Just because Motorhead transcends punditry, here's a song that clearly doesn't support any politician:

The Great Palin Freak Out

Can She Save Us from the Doomsday Liberals at Cyberdyne?

These conventions are truly showing an America deeply polarized by politics. I think Palin is okay, but does she deserve a collective swoon from the conservative-libertarian base because she is going to radically alter our devastating path of self-destruction? We should not give up on our cynicism, as it is one of our generation's most proudest attributes. Yet, we have an entire population in a blackhole of cognitive dissonance to only hear good things about their candidates and slander about the other guy (or gal in this case). People seizing on gaffes and character assassination in the blogosphere to "score one for the team". This must be all very amusing for the people in power looking down on a divided America, which is squabbling over stupid shit like the cost of Cindy McCain's earrings. I agree with McCain's assessment that the fundamanetal purpose of life is to serve mankind, but there is really no reason to think that any politician will make our problems of expensive gas, lousy healthcare, and a cheatin' husband go away. The sad part about Democracy is that people actually think they can change a system to their benefit, when the entire governmental apparatus is dependent upon festering upon the public to survive. Born from lies and deceit, these people will tell us what we want to hear in order to feel good about ourselves when it comes time to pull the lever. There is no reason to be ecstatic and elated at this point in history. The war in Afghanistan needs immediate attention and our traditionally strong economy is in the shits. I'm not saying that our government is some neo-Stalinistic Gulag (like Crazy Lew did) and that we are all in line for the gallows, but let's not start blowing each other yet.

A Journey into the Heart of Darkness: The 2008 GOP Platform

The Horror...The Horror

The GOP has released their 2008 platform(pdf) in time for the convention. While there's a lot of reasons to blow off the Republican party this election cycle (dude, $9.6 Trillion national debt, WTF!), I figured it'd be good to at least hear them out and give it a quick analysis. Tomorrow we'll be looking at the Dems platform from my own warped perspective.

For the purposes of scientifically analyzing the major components of the platform, we'll be using the following scale:

Good Conservatism (on a scale of 1 to 4 Plisskens): Snake Plissken embodies all the best parts of conservatism. As a specops combat vet, he's certainly patriotic, but he's pissed off that the government has become an over-reaching tyrannical state, symbolized by Manhattan being walled off into a maximum security prison. His rugged individualism is enough to save the President from a group of Marxist hijackers, but his muddled morality questions the mission the entire way, because those in power should remember that they are being scrutinized.

Bad Conservatism (on a scale of 1 to 4 Smails): Judge Smails can't control the hijinx of his family, so he seeks to criticize everyone else having a good time to overcompensate for his failure to tame his own offspring. He also abuses his position of authority to maintain a society with an upper caste serviced by lowly peons like the hilarious Bill Murray.

The issues:

• Immigration: The GOP platform rightly seeks to uphold the rule of law regarding immigrants illegally flocking into our mainland to commit crimes, but their incentives to naturalize the vast majority of productive, law-abiding immigrants is weak at best. The GOP platform suggests employers utilize some Gestapo crap called an "E-verify" system to track all these foreigners in a monstrous database, and deporting those who over-stay their visas. What about all the college students, educated in our schooling system, who then go back to India and China to boost their tech sector. These people create wealth and innovation and shouldn't be kicked to the curb. Also, the ag sector throughout America is largely dependent on migrant workers, and the platform fails to recognize the importance that immigrants have had to our country since the boat after the Mayflower showed up. Then they go on to say everyone must whiten up, adopt our cultural practices (what is the officially sanctioned U.S. cultural paradigm O wise Republicans?), and stop speaking in funny languages. Another example of the GOP's desire to put the lid on the melting pot that has been the American way for hundreds of years.

Immigration Rating: 2 Smails

• Veterans: Holy shit! The GOP loves the bipartisan Webb GI Bill, talks about the need to help out vets suffering from TBI (traumatic brain injury), and wants to increase the size of our Armed Forces. What's not to like?

Veterans Rating: 4 Plisskens

• Diplomacy: The GOP Platform does a country-by-country break down. They have had a good policy on Iraq with regards to not abandoning our Iraqi allies to genocide, and the platform states a continued partnership in diplomatic relations. With that monstrous embassy of ours, it'd be crazy not to have good relations. However, the GOP takes the tough-guy approach to Iran by stating they refuse to talk to the Islamic regime. We've adopted that policy for 28 years, and it hasn't done a lot of good. The blurb on Pakistan and Afghanistan is incredibly terse and shows that the GOP doesn't recognize that this is the most important part of the War on Terrorism (despite what the brass/State Dept. is saying). The bit on China is good though, as it encourages economic development and trade, but is leery of their human rights abuses. The platform talks a lot about setting the example for human rights in America, but doesn't mention that we should shitcan Capital Punishment or enhanced interrogation. I'm not very sympathetic towards the people that get waterboarded or put to death, but diplomacy isn't about what your average Joe in America thinks, it's about what your average Mohammed overseas thinks. This has been a strategic blunder with the Bush Administration that the platform fails to recognize.
  

Diplomacy Rating: One Plissken

• Energy/Environment: Finally, a fucking party that recognizes nuclear power doesn't mean Godzilla is going to be popping out of the cooling tower to wreak havoc on middle America. The platform calls for more nuke plants and shows the embarrassment that an entire generation bought into anti-nuclear hysteria in the 70s and there hasn't been a plant built since. The platform also wants to improve on other technologies and stop shipping money off to Saudi Arabia so some sheikh can wipe his ass with Benjamins. The platform also addresses Global Warming and suggests a "market-based" approach to nipping the problem, but is unclear on specifics. Do they want cap-and-trade, giving Al Gore more money to make documentaries, or what? Overall though, it's a responsible platform that calls for balancing energy infrastructure improvement and environmental responsibility. I'm not big on this no-growth hippy crap that liberals often spout, because I guess we could all go back to living like savages in the woods, foraging for berries and shit, but it's cold outside where I'm at.
  

E/E Rating: Two Plisskens

• Healthcare: It's pretty obvious that the geezers in the AARP are running the show here, since the GOP talks big about one of our biggest government expenditures: Medicare. The platform calls for more choice for Medicare and Medicaid recipients, which will ensure a plethora of corruption amongst shady "Dr Nick Riviera" insurance providers looking to charge two thousand bucks to Uncle Sugar for dishing out a couple of Advils. This is absolute bullshit and shows that there is no longer any personal responsibility in taking care of your own health. With free healthcare goodies, what's to stop consumers from calling pricey ambulances to drive them across town because they have an owie or opting for the most expensive drugs that are clearly beyond their means. I'm all about helping people out through charity, but expanding these monstrous programs will only create massive amounts of waste in the healthcare industry with the taxpayers footing the bill. We need to be honest with ourselves...we are a nation with a horrific debt that makes the dollar about as valuable as Mama's Family VHS tapes and we need to stop promising people shit we can't afford.
  

Healthcare Rating: 2 Smails

• Culture War!/Values: Unsurprisingly, they saved the kickers for last. Continue the unsuccessful war on drugs, keep internet gambling illegal, and stop teh gheyz from being so publicly and flamboyantly gay. The war on drugs screed is funny (in a sad sort of way), because earlier in the platform they say that more needs to be done about gang violence...how about cutting off their funding source, you imbeciles! You don't see the Rollin' Sixties slinging Budweisers on the street corners of Los Angeles. The platform also shreds the first amendment in half, and says it's all hunky-dory that publicly funded institutions use religious-themed items and that America is founded on Judeo-Christian principles. Ugh. I have never understood why America can't be a secular nation in their eyes, because it's not like we should be inspired to achieve the glorious statedom of Saudi Arabia or Iran. And it's nothing against religion, just that it doesn't have a place in public fuckin' policy when a lot of folks have radically different religious beliefs in this country. They take a hard stance against abortion...which I'm ambivalent about and shant discuss further. The 2nd amendment stuff was a good shot in the arm, but everything else in the values portion of the platform is an attempt to impose values at the federal level to a society that only existed on 1950s television. America has always been a country of hookers, violence, and people getting hammered, and trying to erase this part of our history just isn't going to happen.

Culture War Ratings: 3 Smails

• Overall: The diplomatic portion is somewhat reassuring, which is incredibly important during the complex international conflict we currently face, and I'll always have a place in my heart for the GOP on national security since they supported the Iraq mission during the Surge. But the Repubs are still pandering to the evangelical base to sucker in those easy votes. The only problem is that not everyone is a Ned Flanders, and laws on morality compel everyone to act a certain way. I can't support this ridiculous intrusion of government, when there's much more pressing issues ahead of us as a nation. Well, there's always the 2012 platform.
  

Overall rating of the GOP Platform: 1 Smails

And what are your thoughts?

Google...uh, Chrome?

Google Chrome...Will it Fuck Us All?

Anyone try using the Google Chrome that got released today (the browser, not the rhine-stoned dildo)? I'm a big google-nut: using blogspot, google news, google reader, and gmail....but I'm a bit leery of using software that just got released fearing vulnerability. I tend to lurk on places on the internet creepier than a Bangalore brothel and I get "infected" from time to time requiring recovery of my laptop. Lemme know how it is!

Iraq signs Massive Oil Deal With China

I For One Would Like to Welcome Our Communist Overlords

While the world was busy with Broken-Watergate, the highly sought-after first Iraqi oil contracts were signed between the Ministry of Oil and the PRC to develop. From The Guardian:

The cabinet has approved a service contract to develop and produce the Adhab oilfield between the (Iraqi) Northern Oil Company and a Chinese company, according to terms initialled by both sides," government spokesman Ali al-Dabbagh said in a statement. The Iraqi government recently announced renegotiated terms of the oil deal with the Chinese National Petroleum Company (CNPC), which was originally signed in 1997. The deal marks the first major oil contract with a foreign firm for Iraq.

Iraq's mostly undeveloped oil fields are speculated to have the second-largest reserves in the world, and their entire economy is primarily dependent upon the export of crude (currently around 2 million barrels/day). While it's good that international companies now feel that security has improved enough to invest, and that China is doing business with a legitimate democracy as opposed to the genocide-enablers in the Sudanese government, it seems as though the Western world is missing out.

American companies are so terrified of the "blood for oil" label, as the New York Times explains, that executives are dragging their feet in doing business with Iraq. There's also the matter of the Hydrocarbon Law, which still remains unresolved in the Iraqi government. China is taking a considerable risk, but the improvement in infrastructure will greatly benefit the Iraqis and provide new economic opportunity and a stabilization of the Baghdad government. All the while America imports oil from notorious human-rights abuser, Saudi Arabia, and the country run by an asshole dictator, Venezuela. You know, the blood of their oppressed citizens for our oil.

Jerry Reed, We Hardly Knew Ye

Best...road...music...ever. The true sound of Americana. R.I.P., Jerry.

Change of the Guard in Anbar

Anbar Security Forces on Parade (from Matel in Iraq)

Anbar is still the province where the most Americans have lost their lives in Iraq the past 5 years, and it was considered "lost" by intelligence officials two years ago. The mainly Sunni province, once rife with insurgents, saw a huge turnaround when the Anbar awakening began working with coalition forces to expel Al-Qaeda in late 2006. USA Today puts in perspective today's transfer of the province to the Iraqi Security Forces:

After the U.S. invasion in 2003, Anbar witnessed some of the fiercest battles between U.S. forces and insurgents.

In 2006, Anbar had more attacks per day than any other province in Iraq. A Marine intelligence report at the time declared the province lost to al-Qaeda.

Al-Qaeda's violent tactics and strict enforcement of an extreme brand of Islam eventually triggered a grass-roots revolt among the patchwork of Sunni tribes who dominate Anbar.

The backlash, which became known as the Awakening, spread throughout the country and played a critical role in putting down the insurgency.

This is a big deal for the Marines, as they are primarily located in Anbar province. The Commandant wants more engagement in Afghanistan and less in Iraq, and it is because of the sacrifices of Americans and Iraqis that this is able to take place. Al-Qaeda once considered Ramadi their home base, terrifying the residents and coercing everyone into their bizarre ideology. The times certainly have changed. This was a major front in the war on terrorism, and while there will never be anything like V-E day in today's conflicts, this is pretty good news.

Be Part of the Eco-Stasi

A larger and scarier version of this ad was spotted on the ferry between Seattle and Bremerton. Help turn WA into a police-state. Report your neighbors and friends! Your grandma throw a cigarette butt out the car window...better sell her up the river! Join the eco-stasi today for a better and more controlled tomorrow, comrade!

Labor Day

An important question to ask yourself this Labor day is where would we be without our strong industrial base?

Answer: Living as subsistence farmers like a bunch of fucking savages, while doing circus tricks for our German/Japanese overlords.

Little Drops into the Pool of Life shows off her latest in patriotic hard hats, which is way cooler than the monochromatic gray hard hat the Navy issues us while we are in the shipyard. Pay her a visit if you have time (she's a good friend to milblogs).

Unfortunately, America's corporate income tax is the second highest in the world (first is Japan) with a political leadership that is openly hostile to improving industrial infrastructure at home. Could the Democrat-proposed green jobs be a renaissance in reviving our industrial might? Obama says yes we can, but the Wall Street Journal is a bit more skeptical.

Stop Enabling Janeane Garfolo

I saw 4 politically-themed comedians at the Bumbershoot festival. Since it was in Seattle, it had a predictable liberal bent. 3 of the comedians 15-minute schticks had the crowd and myself in stitches, including this guy posing as a Republican congressman. But Janeane Garofalo, best known in recent years for being an idiotic Troofer, ranted on about evil corporations, asserted that all conservatives are misogynists like some deranged Kos diarist, and looked like she was under the influence of serious narcotics as she bumbled around the stage for her painfully unfunny performance. She got a few chuckles here and there, but overall, it was kind of like an audience of 400 watching their drunken, thrice-divorced aunt yell at the top of her lungs about everybody's problems at a family reunion. So do what the above video says and stop enabling Janeane and encourage her to go to rehab for pete's sakes.

Here's some extra footage of Garofalo calling Petraeus a liar on Bill Maher's show back in September 2007. What a loser.

Endangered Species of Mullet Threatened by Local Hairdresser

Mulletus Awesomeus species threatened in Port Orchard, WA

With the decline in hair metal at the beginning of the last decade, as evidenced by the fist-fight between Brett Michaels and CC Deville at the 91 MTV Music Awards, the mullet has been an endangered species in our fair country. The "Business up front, party in the back" ethos, which made us all feel so good about ourselves in the 80s, has gone by the wayside to make room for a generation of people woefully upset and guilt-ridden about global warming, worldwide poverty, and other politically correct causes. It is no longer socially acceptable to forego any sense of self-consciousness to strut around the mall in an Iron Maiden leather jacket while trying to get high school girls to come check out your '87 Camaro. The mullet can occasionally be spotted at Nascar racing events, midwestern amusement parks, and strip clubs in Reno, but it has long been an endangered species.

This is why I was outraged to learn that a city in the encironemntally-conscious state of WA is engaging in a campaign to maliciously purge the minority mullet population. From the Seattle Times (pictures here):

It's been more than five years since Julea Penland launched her mission "to beautify Kitsap County one mullet at a time."

The beautician began offering free haircuts to anyone sporting the once-popular "business in the front, party in the back" hairstyle because she believes they perpetuate negative stereotypes about Kitsap County.

But didn't Ms. Penland think of the cultural link to history that the mullet provides? Further in the Seattle Times:

A recent unscientific poll in Kitsap County revealed few true "legal mullets," but numerous near misses. A few men with true mullets refused to acknowledge they sported the hairstyle, while others were unrepentant about their mullet-dom.

"I know everybody makes fun of them, but I don't care," said Nick Marks, a 49-year-old yard-maintenance man from Olalla who prefers to call his hairdo " '70s style."

"My old lady likes me with my long hair and she'd kill me if I cut it off," he said.

Using the term "old lady" when referring to your spouse harkens back to a more simpler, innocent America, and the ethnic cleansing campaign to eradicate our mullet population must be stopped. Please look at these beautiful, majestic animals and write your congressman to stop the mullet genocide (all pics from Mullets Galore):

The black in the Trans Am brings out the white in the Acid-washed Denim

Ratt and Tube Socks, what more could you want, ladies?The only word to descrive this mullet: bitchin'

Up Yours Mother Nature

From the ancient Greeks worshiping the earthen goddess Gaia, to Seattle's Bumbershoot festival undergoing an aggressive carbon offsetting campaign, mankind has always paid proper respect to Mother Earth. But like Anrea Yates drowning her 5 kids in the bathtub, a vengeful mother nature threatens to lay waste to the peaceful Gulf Coast with the horrendous Hurricane Gustav.

The purpose of science and engineering has not just provided answers to difficult questions, but has sought to improve the lot of humanity by fighting off disease, properly utilizing resources to improve the survivability of mankind, and minimizing the inevitable disasters that nature throws our way. A summary of some of the worst American natural disasters:

• 1900 - Cat-4 hurricane in Galveston kills thousands
• 1906 - Massive San Fransisco earthquake causes wide-scale fires and destruction
• 1946 - Tsunami on the Big Island in Hawaii kills 156
• 1980 - Mt. St Helens volcanic eruption blows out the side of the mountain and kills 56 people and leaves WA and Oregon covered in volcanic ash
  
• 2005 - Hurricane Katrina devastates New Orleans leaving over 1000 dead

Luckily, mankind has the courage to stand up to the latest egregious threat to wipe out the human race. Residents have been preemptively evacuated and the National Guard has been called in to help. So far no levees have been breached:

Hoooolllldddd it!

National Guard in Action

Only time will tell if human tragedy is averted...