McCain and Palin With Katie Couric: Absolutely Brutal

The CBS interview with both McCain and Palin has been released and it is totally painful to watch. McCain looks about as comfortable as a Mormon at a Bangkok ping-pong show while Palin talks about Pakistan foreign policy saying "we're gonna do what we have to do!". Also, she sounds like a loopy member of my extended family when she says "This is all about gotcha journalism, but that's okay too!". McCain then attacks the media like a bulldog (not a very effective campaign strategy) as he realizes that picking a Veep for populist, down-home purposes was a lousy idea during a time of war as Fareed Zakaria has already noted.

(Note: I stand by decision for Lord Humungus: Warrior of the Wasteland in 2008 or possibly Bob Barr if I'm not drunk on election day)

Corporate Director Romanticizes About Anti-Capitali$t Battle of Seattle

Heroic Protesters Make Good on Maoist Values by Looting the Local Starbucks

History revisionism seems to be the norm in Hollyweird as a cast of stars have assembled to produce the most recent far-left tripe: Battle in Seattle. The writer/director, Stuart Townsend, has an article in Alternet glorifying this nonsense:

In 1999 fifty thousand people, mostly Americans, from all walks of life, marched on the streets of Seattle protesting the policies of the World Trade Organization. The event was dubbed the "Battle in Seattle" and its organizers were clear in their mission -- to shut the talks down and focus the world's attention on policies that were in fact harming the poor, the sick, and the environment. After the world's attention shifted, I felt there was still more of a story to tell. How did David truly slay Goliath?

Too bad this "awful" system of capitalism has given pretty boy Stuart a cushy existence as he's shacked up with Hollywood babe Charlize Theron. Meanwhile, us jokels in the rest of America have to pray that our landlords don't have to foreclose on our domiciles because of the crony schemes designed under the guise to "help the poor".

Aside from Stuart's hypocritical posturing as GQ Che, the Battle of Seattle had nothing to do with a dissenting message and everything to do with thugs destroying property in the great Emerald City for the sake of "protester chic". I was in college at the time and I know the type. Some douchebag who has never worked a day intheir life, picks up a Chomsky book and all of a sudden is acting out some misplaced rebellion against their imperialist parents. This personality type is fueled by the far-left rhetoric from pointy-headed professors trying to whip up ideals from the wet dreams of the 60s.

This video documenting the Battle of Seattle supports the premise that this "epic" 1999 protest was nothing more than a gaggle of hooligans making a nuisance for the Seattle police and citizens. Notice the "protestor" at 3:00 into the video who said he is in attendance "for the riots", followed by the normally liberal/eco-conscious Seattleites who aren't too pleased that this riff-raff is having a garbage bonfire in the middle of an urban populous.

The true legacy of The Battle of Seattle is found at Nationmaster:

Businesses lost approximately $9 to $18 million in sales, and suffered $2 to $3 million dollars in property damage (mostly covered by insurance). There were further losses in tourism due to damaged reputation, and/or public apprehension in living or visiting Seattle.

If these people are so upset with the horrors of capitalism, feel free to move to North Korea...I'll even pay for the ticket! As far as the "real" heroes of modern protests, it has to be the small business owner and his employees who have to clean up the feces and broken glass left behind by these wretched protestors. Of course no one in Hollywood is making a movie about those poor guys, because business is evil...unless your mass-marketing a multi-million dollar movie.

Time For Drastic Action During Rough Times, Vote Lord Humungus in '08!

Game Over

Since the economy has collapsed, our government is gridlocked, and the only stock going up is canned goods, it's time to stop acting like a bunch of pussies about our shoddy mortgages and 401Ks. Forget about how much money you have in the bank, Thurston, because America will soon become a violent struggle for resources as it is consumed in a wasteland of post-Sub Prime apocalypse. That's why it's important to take sides early on to ensure survival, and why I'm throwing my hat in the rink for Lord Humungus: Warrior of the Wasteland.

Vote Humungus in 2008

Lord Humungus' speech about allowing the settlers safe passage out of the wasteland in exchange for the precious crude isn't just the same old meaningless rhetoric from some namby-pamby politican, he means fuckin' business. His run for CA Governor may have been met with little fanfare, but trying times require a man willing to get things done rather than some bleached-tooth DC hack.

The Humungus AmungUs

Our faithful master isn't exactly residing in the ivory tower either, and he wouldn't be afraid to take up arms for a worthy cause. Like General George Washington during The Revolutionary War, Lord Humungus inspires his warriors to the highest caliber of service as he fights alongside his men. While some pols might express admiration with sappy talk about "Support the Troops", Lord Humungus is actually one of the leather-clad combatants.

Wealthy Elites Consolidating Their Exploits With Mercenary Thugs

The settlers and their dying tribe are holding out on an entire tanker of fuel in their compound and they have hired a mercenary, known as the Road Warrior, to ensure their assets are protected. Lord Humungus is a man of the people, and his populist approach will ensure everyone gets their fair share of crude instead of a few elites in dorky white outfits.

Vote for Lord Humungus for a chance of survival in the new American wasteland and re-acquire the American dream!

Quick Pick-Me-Up Turns into Loss of All VA Benefits For Wounded Soldier

A wounded veteran out of Ft. Lewis, PFC Mark Siegel, is being administratively separated (ad-sep'd in military parlance) for one night of blow. In-depth story at Seattle Weekly:

Less than a month later, Siegel was escorted off the same Army base and instructed to sign a document stipulating that he could not return. He had been kicked out—or in military parlance, "administratively separated"—due to a urinalysis that revealed the presence of cocaine. As a result, he lost a host of benefits he might have otherwise received, including military-provided health care, disability pay, and eligibility for the GI Bill.

I understand the DoD's zero tolerance towards drug use, since heroin and weed were somewhat prevalent during the Vietnam days, but this seems a little harsh. Couldn't they have sent this kid somewhere to get cleaned up before pulling the rug out from under hiim? When a sailor gets drunk and wrecks his car, he'll generally get sent to mast (disciplinary action in the Navy) and then the command sends him to SARP (Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program) to dry out. But, to go for drugs, you have to go voluntarily, and if you get caught in urinalysis, you're pretty much fucked. Seems a bit draconian.

Leader of War-Ravaged Nation Sends Condolences to U.S.!

Maliki Sez Sorry to my Homies in America

Iraq has been ravaged for years by Ba'ath party rule, U.N. sanctions, and terrorist thugs attempting to establish a caliphate, but that didn't stop Prime Minister Maliki from expressing his sympathies to the American people. From an AP interview:

"If I had enough funds to assist the American economy, I would do all that I can. But unfortunately Iraq cannot solve America's economic problems.

"But what Iraq can do is take up more responsibility security-wise here inside Iraq. And I have told the Americans repeatedly that we are ready to take up responsibility here in Iraq so there are less losses, a decreased number of American lives lost, and I am prepared to present this case before the American people. ...

"Iraqis are ready to take up security responsibility inside their country but unfortunately there is not much Iraq can do regarding helping the American economy. And I do understand that it is mostly the economic burden that is impacting your people."

The facts sort of back this up. Iraq is running an $80B surplus due to oil exports, while the U.S. is $400B in the stink hole due to greedy politicians wasting money. Iraq does not have an adequate bureaucracy to spend revenue, while America has way too many in the power class with their dicks in the taxpayer pie. Multi-national oil corporations are licking their chops at the opportunity to invest in Iraq due to improved security, while access to offshore oil reserves in America is still very limited. It's naive to think that Iraq doesn't have major economic woes and the violence is still egregious, but it seems to be where the smart money is going. I'm torn between feeling respect for Iraq and a shame about my own country.

Crap You Can Get for Two Bucks

A delicious 40-ouncer of malt liquor

8 trips to the peep show
CD of Euro Heaven 2000 at Wal Mart (the Radiorama track alone might be worth your two dollars)
The entire Middle East and European division of Lehman Brothers. No, this is not a joke.

Nasty Neil Just Won't Get Off the Comments Thread

Even though this post is 10 days old and long gone on the event horizon, Neil C. Reinhardt, "military atheism activiest" just won't let this comment thread go. Some highlights:

• Neil threatens the lovely Cathcatz: "And if you, or anyone else ever calls me a liar to my face, you/their ass will be on the ground very quickly!"
• Neil proselytizes: "Look, Oh Very Clueless and Illogical One, I MAY watch Fox news, a whole once or twice a week. IF and when I do, I do not accept what ANYONE says without doing some checking from one, or more other sources, to verify the truth of what is said."
• Neil gets angry at Jonn's communication abilities: "Joon (sic) says he is some kind of activist and how poor my communication skills and yet he does not tell us in what field his supposed activism is in. Now THAT, is really POOR communication skills. Last, 'Jonn Lilyea' I care less how you conduct yourself...And JONN, you Clueless ass, WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE FOR McCAIN!"
• Neil has banged a lot of chicks and we could only be so lucky: "While I could list many of the names, locations & approximate dates of the over ninety ladies, it would be inappropriate of me to do so. When you consider: A. I am nearly 74 & have been chasing women since I was sixteen. Ninety plus women in 48 years is not that many. (Still not bad for an ugly "dude") B. Some of the most successful years were during the "Free Love" and PRE aids, herpes era of the 60's and 70's. Since YOU accuse me of believing lies, tell me child, which one of the thousands of gods do you believe in?"

Of course nothing can compare to the viking shenanigans of De Wald, but this is still pretty entertaining. Long live the internet!

Poll: Best Head Explosion in Cinematic History

A serious question for serious times! Please vote by leaving a comment or writing in a movie for best head explosion (no Ron Paul write-ins):

1) Scanners: Always a classic

2) Toxic Avenger when youngster gets run over: The head crusher scene may give you second thoughts about letting your kdis ride their bikes unsupervised or unarmed

3) Dawn of the Dead during project riot in Philadelphia: Police Brutality at its goriest (this unfortunate dude wasn't even a zombie!)

4) Running Man when political prisoner, Chico, makes a break for the perimeter: Chhiiiicccooooo! (whether or not Gov. Ahnold has ever actually uttered this in the California city is unknown)

5) Akira when Tetsuo mutates: Just an all-around weird, creepy, and fascinating movie (just like much of Japanese culture)

Spare me your discourse about focusing on "important issues". Who needs a general election when you can vote for this!

Culture Clash 2008: Manhattanites for McCain

Look at Me Do Yoga at the Airport! I'm so much better than all of you (spotted by Ms. Kiyum)

I'm not a big fan of bashing political candidates with the "elitism" moniker. It's important that the people running the country are better educated and more well-spoken than some schmuck junior officer with a Z-list blog, and when Palin comes off like a dolt on foreign policy, concern needs to be raised. But, personal observation suggests that some on the modern left are just no-good, terrible people. Modesty has always been an American virtue, and this seems to be eroding in our self-obsessed culture of alleviating white/eco/imperialist/whatever-guilt where liberals go out of their way to justify how special and morally upright they are. Looking down on people for not "going vegan", running sabotage campaigns to win by any means necessary, endless comments of self-righteous smug left all over the blogosphere like rodent droppings in a sausage plant, assuming that everyone in the military was either duped by the government or has serious psychological issues. It's like a modern-day religion combined with the medieval dogma of roasting people at the stake for not going along with the program.

I try to be open-minded to the modern political dynamic, and I appreciate people with progressive views that aren't douchebags (Hi A-ro, Cathcatz, and Jason!) but this video of a McCain march in NYC really solidifies some age-old fears and stereotypes about liberals for some reason. From The People's Cube:

What a bunch of assholes. It makes me more likely to listen to these toothless rubes for insight into political affairs rather than the New Yorker.

Is Obama Serious about Nuclear Power?

Anti-Nuclear Hysteria May Still Have an Effect on Public Policy

As a full disclosure, myself and OleGreyDog may need employment in the near future, and that box of cookies we sent with our resumes to Lehman Brothers may have been a futile action seeing how they've gone tits up. Since we are already confirmed nuke power nerds, putting shameless self-interest into our election decision is desirable to secure future subsidies for our drinking habits.

McCain and Obama had a bit of a testy exchange on nuclear power at yesterday's debate. Transcipt:

MCCAIN: No one from Arizona is against solar. And Senator Obama says he's for nuclear, but he's against reprocessing and he's against storing. So...

OBAMA: That's just not true, John. John, I'm sorry, but that's not true.

MCCAIN: ... it's hard to get there from here. And off-shore drilling is also something that is very important and it is a bridge.

And we know that, if we drill off-shore and exploit a lot of these reserves, it will help, at temporarily, relieve our energy requirements. And it will have, I think, an important effect on the price of a barrel of oil.

OBAMA: I just have to respond very quickly, just to correct -- just to correct the record.

MCCAIN: So I want to say that, with the Nunn-Lugar thing...

LEHRER: Excuse me, Senator.

OBAMA: John?

MCCAIN: ... I supported Nunn-Lugar back in the early 1990s when a lot of my colleagues didn't. That was the key legislation at the time and put us on the road to eliminating this issue of nuclear waste and the nuclear fuel that has to be taken care of.

OBAMA: I -- I just have to correct the record here. I have never said that I object to nuclear waste. What I've said is that we have to store it safely.

Obama seems to be taking a middle ground approach on nuclear power, and his energy page has a bunch of pictures of trees and wind turbines, but nothing on splittin' atoms. However, I was able to dig up this video where he discusses some nuclear issues at a campaign rally:

Obama talks about keeping his kids safe, and that nuclear plants need to prove that they are safe (yawn). Pretty dishonest comment seeing how the worst nuclear accident in American history (Three Mile Island) didn't result in anyone getting injured. Meanwhile, every time an oil refinery blows up and leaves a pile of stiffs in its wake, it barely makes a dent on any politician's radar. Obama also mentions that he is against the Yucca mountain depository, which would provide a permanent storage solution for high-level waste. His criticism of the high-cost of nuclear power is justified, but with the cap and trade program he advocates, it could become more economically viable. So, Senator, hopefully you'll come around to support nuke power, and if you don't, remember that there's no bigger a nuisance in the modern age than an unemployed blogger.

WaMu Fails At Everything

The Seattle-based Washington Mutual has become the largest bank in U.S. history to join the "FAIL" category due to bunk mortgages. From CNN:

JPMorgan Chase acquired the banking assets of Washington Mutual late Thursday after the troubled thrift was seized by federal regulators, marking the biggest bank failure in the nation's history and the latest stunning twist in the ongoing credit crisis.

Under the deal, JPMorgan Chase will acquire all the banking operations of WaMu, including $307 billion in assets and $188 billion in deposits.

I guess the "whoo-hoo" ad campaign to inspire consumer confidence didn't work out so well. No need to bring your shotgun to make a run on the bank tomorrow, because JP Morgan assures it will be a "normal transition" for customers. Gulp. In an unrelated note, Bob Barr has an extensive piece on how we got into this fuckin mess. It seems as though he's the only one that sees that the Wall St. emperor wears no clothes and compares the Treasury Department's role in this crisis as being similar to the dictatorship in North Korea. A strong metaphor, but it seems to be more true by the day.

Before There Was the Drug War, There Was Temperance PSAs

The gorgeous babes of the Temperance movement should probably be excused, as marketing wasn't a maturely developed industry back then (h/t Sisu). Of course looking at drug war Public Service Announcements (PSAs) through the ages such as Pee Wee telling us not to smoke crack (of course whackin it on PCP in a movie theater is kosher):



And on to today with war against people making whoopee.

Maybe PSAs still don't understand the targeted demographic. Some things never change.

Code Pink Meets Up with BFF Ahmadinejad

Saying Hello to His Fans

This isn't much of a surprise, seeing how these hags already met with Hugo Chavez, but Code Pink is totally stoked to meet up with the infamous holocaust-denying, terrorist-financing, Ahmadinejad. Code Pink press release:

The CODEPINK women proposed inviting American and Iranian artists to build a “peace park” in Tehran, a memorial dedicated to people-to-people commitment to peace and diplomacy between our two countries.

They also proposed a plan to invest funds in an Iranian business, one that produces green and sustainable products, such as bicycles.

Code Pink is behind the curve, because Iran has already tried to create these so-called "sister cities" in Iraq and Lebanon. Too many incoming 240mm rockets and too many babes getting killed for not wearing the abaya, IMHO. I'm not too hot on the idea of Hezbollah coming into our country to do outreach.

Why does Code Pink continuously give our enemies fodder for their propaganda apparatus? Societies that are based on tyranny are destined to fail in an information age, because the rulers count on the ignorance of their people to remain in power. That is why phenomenons like Heavy Metal in Tehran shows how superior ideologies of rocking out and getting wasted will prevail over pie in the sky theories about the 12th imam. Code Pink isn't helping this equation. Another group of people who can't deal with the modern reality of terrorism and extremism and cling to their hippie rituals of "sticking it to the man". Grow up, you bums.

The Vox Populi? "You Betcha!"

First there were the Sarah Palin action figures, then the new Pakistani president dropped the skeeze and called Palin a babe (too bad his troops aren't showing the same admiration for the ISAF), and now there's this creepy crop formation in Ohio. From KTVB:

You need to be airborne to fully appreciate a corny caricature of Sarah Palin near Toledo, Ohio. A 16-acre cornfield has been carved up in the likeness of the Republican vice presidential candidate to form a tourist attraction's fall corn maze.

This monstrosity would only be worthwhile if the town was run by kids who killed all the adults to worship a demonic caricature ala Children of The Corn. Watch it Palintards, like Obama's fervent water carriers, you're going on notice!

The Palin Corn Maze, is it full of weird Satanic shit?

Code Pink Fails...Again

Go read C.H.U.D. Busters for an update on the "triumphant" Code Pink dismantling of our military in Berkeley.

$700 Billion Bucks on the Field, Please

I don't know how many of you like to gamble, but the USO Girls can attest that I'm a big sucker for the stuff. Anyways, since the odds are stacked against you, people often revert to fanatical superstitions such as always tapping the dice before a roll, never throwing cash on the table mid-shoe or when the marker's down, and never saying out loud certain numbers which could cause your economic demise. The fact that Bush just announced we're going to throw out $700B to buy up a bunch of risky assets and his speech was 13 minutes long is simply terrifying.

Bush's Bumblin' Bailout Speech

Screw this country, let's all go homestead on the moon or something.

New Iraq Play at Temple, Can it Not Be Terrible?

Please Don't Be This Lame

There's a play opening at Temple University called "In Conflict", which uses taped conversations with returned Iraq veterans to portray the war onstage. This is much more insight into the perspective of a soldier than colossal flops like Redacted and Stop Loss ever tried to seek out, so it's worth at least checking out. IHT has the review:

Chambers also plays Darryl Anderson, now AWOL in Canada, who calls himself a "terrorist," for his actions in Iraq, and says he's really helping "make the Iraqi people's lives better" by speaking out against the war.

Damon Williams is particularly poignant as Herold Noel, badly affected by his part in one of the more horrible stories told, an encounter with a woman carrying a baby.

Sean Lally is notable in two roles, one as Ivan Medina, an army chaplain, who returned safely from Iraq but grieves for his twin brother Irving, who was killed there. Lally also portrays Robert Acosta, an army specialist who lost his right hand when he tried to toss an incoming grenade back out of the car he was riding in. Acosta says he liked being in the army "until Iraq came," and blasts the Department of Veterans Affairs for initially denying his medical claims for PTSD and a serious leg injury.

This play seems to be falling into the trap of thinking the most flamboyantly vocal of the veterans groups (IVAW) speaks for all veterans. Their strong anti-war ethos helps fuel the artists preconceived notions that have been more than likely been cultivated in some left-leaning college news rag. I'm not saying every interpretation of conflict should play out like the uber-propaganda flick "Triumph of the Will", but I think people only view veterans out of political convenience at this point in American history. A black hole of cognitive dissonance where only voices they want to hear are heard and splashed across marquees.

Maybe this play will be good, but the really excellent characterizations of the Iraq war aren't going to come out until veterans finish up their schooling in the arts and become part of the cultural mainstream. Some of the best Vietnam movies, like Platoon, Born on the 4th of July and Hamburger Hill, were actually directed or written by Vietnam vets. So we may just have to rest on our laurels with that crummy DVD copy of Home of the Brave until something decent comes along. Sigh.

Eugenics is So One Hundred Years Ago

A Louisiana state rep is helping move his party from moderate conservatism to being outright reactionary as he proposes this creepy method of getting folks off the dole. From NOLA:

LaBruzzo said he worries that people receiving government aid such as food stamps and publicly subsidized housing are reproducing at a faster rate than more affluent, better-educated people who presumably pay more tax revenue to the government. He said he is gathering statistics now.

"What I'm really studying is any and all possibilities that we can reduce the number of people that are going from generational welfare to generational welfare, " he said.

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

This idea of sterilization of undesirables is nothing new, and has been tried to be legitimized by a few kooks in recent years. However, eugenics was actually considered a viable policy in America before the Nazis began trumpeting it. From HNN:

In its first twenty-five years of eugenic legislation, California sterilized 9,782 individuals, mostly women. Many were classified as "bad girls," diagnosed as "passionate," "oversexed" or "sexually wayward." At Sonoma, some women were sterilized because of what was deemed an abnormally large clitoris or labia.

In 1933 alone, at least 1,278 coercive sterilizations were performed, 700 of which were on women. The state's two leading sterilization mills in 1933 were Sonoma State Home with 388 operations and Patton State Hospital with 363 operations. Other sterilization centers included Agnews, Mendocino, Napa, Norwalk, Stockton and Pacific Colony state hospitals.

It's true that programs like Medicaid and Welfare have the unintended consequence of allowing irresponsible people to plop out more munchkins to further our society towards the set from Idiocracy, but is this a program we want the government implementing? Some libertarians (like me) freak out about the "race question" on the census being an affront to civil liberties, so this policy is reminding me of some sort of Matrix-style breeding program. But there's a solution to our woefully dumbed down America, I say let more immigrants come here to work and live, which Reason highlights is actually a bureaucratically painful process to do legally. A policy that would benefit society without donning a Mengele outfit.

Moran of the Day Says Vote Obama or We'll Be Whacked by the Stasi

Where else but the Huffington Post could you get these money quotes to foment stereotypes we've long held about liberals. Naomi Wolf writes:

Dictators and gangs of thugs all over the world hold elections. It means nothing. When a cabal has seized power you can have elections and even presidents, but you have freedom. I realized early on with horror what I was seeing in Governor Palin: the continuation of the Rove-Cheney cabal, but this time without restraints.

Oh no, the cabal!

My tax returns vanished from my mailbox. All my larger envelopes arrive ripped straight open apparently by hand. When I show the postman, he says "That's impossible." Horrifyingly to me is the impact on my family. My childrens' report cards are returned again and again though perfectly addressed; their invitations are turned back; and my daughters many letters from camp? Vanished. All of them. Not one arrived.

Nutty conspiracies about the government stealing your mail are so Y2K.

Under the coming Palin-Rove police state, you will witness the plans now underway to bring Iraqi troops to patrol the streets of our nation. This is not McCain's fantasy: it is Rove's and Cheney's.

I think she meant American troops who have served in Iraq. You shouldn't have to learn Arabic when reporting a crime in the near future. But who has time to proofread for content when you're just so outraged.

Make no mistake: Sarah "Evita" Palin is Rove and Cheney's cosmetic rebranding of their fascist push: she will help to establish a true and irreversible "fear society" in this once free once proud nation. For God's sake, do not let her; do not let them.

I have no reason to discount alarmist rhetoric about a sadistic U.S. government, but I prefer to get my daily dose of crazy from sites talking about the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln and the Illuminati. These lefty weenies talk a big game about civil liberties, but they have burned us before by over-regulating social behavior they deem problematic and stomping out that "nuisance" of a second amendment. This is a pathetic attempt at fearmongering to scare up votes for an oligarchical state that happens to be her friends in the Democratic party as opposed to those evil Repubs. That and she's still trying to get a few rubes to pick up her book. Get in your Volvo and go back to San Francisco, you moran!

End Game in Iraq

The soft spoken Secretary of Defense had this to say about the situation in Iraq during a press conference:

I believe we have now entered that endgame – and our decisions today and in the months ahead will be critical to regional stability and our national security interests for years to come.

As Iraq has completely dropped off the radar in American news coverage due to the elections and the economy getting dicked up, it is imperative to elect intelligent representatives in order to ensure gains do not falter. The disenfranchisement of the mostly Sunni Sahwa groups could prove disastrous, as the last time the armed Sunnis were neglected, an insurgency was born. Of course, this reconciliation is the responsibility of the Iraqis themselves, but we should provide the necessary diplomatic and military support to help foster this nation. IMHO, I think the American history books will look back on regret towards Iraq as a strategic blunder based on propaganda from a failed political ideology. But, just walking away and allowing the country to degenerate into total chaos (like we did in Lebanon in the 80s and Somalia in the 90s) would have been the worst scenario.

Federal Bailout of My Unprofitable Old Timey Bike Business

Before I forced to join the Navy out of economic desperation, my brother and I started a business to bring classic 19th century bicycles back to America's streets and thoroughfares. The vision was that getting from Point A to Point B should be a gentleman's endeavor, while the tall height of eye and tight-fitting britches would prove irresistible to the lasses. Unfortunately, with the grotesquely large front wheel making it a baffling ordeal to even get on the seat, we had no interested buyers.

Luckily, my grossly unprofitable business can be bailed out along with a bunch of other corrupt bankers for the tune of $1,000,000 (which includes the cost of psychological damages). Thanks BuyMyShitPile.com and thank you Paulson for saving poor performing American businesses!

(h/t Reason is who is trying to get a government bailout for their bedazzler)

Great News: Mysterious Iranian Boat Loses Toxic Cargo to Somali Pirates

Uh-oh. The Long War Journal has an in-depth report on the Iran Deyanat, which was hijacked by Somali pirates late last month. The ship was supposedly carrying 40K Tons of iron ore from China to Rotterdam, but something seems a little fishy about this payload. From LWJ:

The MV Iran Deyanat was brought to Eyl, a sleepy fishing village in northeastern Somalia, and was secured by a larger gang of pirates - 50 onboard and 50 onshore. Within days, pirates who had boarded the ship developed strange health complications, skin burns and loss of hair. Independent sources tell The Long War Journal that a number of pirates have also died. "Yes, some of them have died. I do not know exactly how many but the information that I am getting is that some of them have died," Andrew Mwangura, Director of the East African Seafarers' Assistance Program, said Friday when reached by phone in Mombasa.

News about the illness and the toxic cargo quickly reached Garowe, seat of the government for the autonomous region of Puntland. Angered over the wave of piracy and suspicious about the Iranian ship, authorities dispatched a delegation led by Minister of Minerals and Oil Hassan Allore Osman to investigate the situation on September 4. Osman also confirmed to The Long War Journal that during the six days he negotiated with the pirates members of the syndicate had become sick and died. "That ship is unusual," he said. "It is not carrying a normal shipment."

The symptoms cited amongst the pirates are consistent with radiation sickness, which causes reddening of the skin, nausea, hair falling out, and looking like an extra from The Day After. It takes over a 100 rads at once to get sick, and unless your standing on top of a critical reactor, getting nuked Strangelove-style, or near High Level Radioactive Waste, it just ain't gonna happen. Even the dreaded yellowcake (processed Uranium ore) probably can't cause these kind of symptoms as seen in Table 4 of this CDC PDF. So, if it's radioactive waste making the "Curious George" pirates puke themselves, it has to be some kind of spent fuel.

Since the last two big internet rumors have turned out to be accurate (see Palin Hacker story and Obama Astroturfing campaign), time to speculate on a new one. Iran is carting around toxic radioactive waste to create a mutant, mop-wielding, Somali Army to wage war against the West! It'll be like The Toxic Avenger, but in Farsi and with less boob shots.

Actually, it might be Iran trying to get rid of their nuclear waste from trying to start up the Bushehr reactor and its enrichment program. So by trying to dodge the pesky IAEA's questions, Iran accidentally shipped a bunch of material for a dirty bomb to the place on earth most resmbling Road Warrior (i.e. Somalia). Way to go, Ahmadinejad.

Or...it could be some kind of chemical weapon coming from China. The Chinese have been accused of providing weaponry to Iran merchants before. No wonder Iranian shipping just got slapped with sanctions.

Keepin' it Klassy in Kitsap Kounty

From the Kitsap Sun: Port Orchard Woman Arrested, Despite Claiming to be a "Nuclear Scientist"

A 23-year-old Port Orchard woman who claimed she was a nuclear scientist — and then shouted insults and obscenities at a Kitsap County sheriff's deputy — was arrested Sunday morning for assaulting the deputy.

And again from the Kitsap Sun: Stolen Bremerton Chihuahua Turns Up at Vet's After Ingesting Meth

The employee told an officer a Chihuahua had been brought into the clinic Thursday by a 40-year-old Silverdale man. The veterinarian believed the dog had ingested methamphetamine based on its strange behavior. They also believed the Silverdale man might have been high on methamphetamine, according to reports.

Sometimes, no commentary is necessary.

The Negative Feedback Loop of Our Economy (in pictures!)

Step 1: With the economy in the proverbial shits, people start freaking out and blame the usual scapegoats of illegals, free trade, and lack of FDR-era regulation. Lou Dobbs ratings are through the roof.

Step 2: Fat cats with political connections in Washington use the opportunity to take ridiculous risks that earn them billions, despite the fact that their entire financial foundation is built on a house of straw. Regulation and government control prevents the basic tenets of the free market, such as competition, from functioning. And if their leadership proves to be a disaster, their golden parachutes remain intact.


Step 3: With the federal government running record deficits, the cost of oil is out of control, wages stall, and inflation is through the roof. Kids start making kites made out of dollar bills like Germany in 1923.

Step 4: Like a swarm of buzzards preying on human tragedy, politicians propose more regulation and nationalization as a guise to ensure those in power remain power. This is aided by unknowing surrogates in the American public who actually think the suits in Washington give a shit about normal people.


Step (5 or 1): With the economy in the shits, people start freaking out and blame the usual scapegoats of illegals, free trade, and lack of FDR-era regulation. Lou Dobbs ratings are through the roof.

Milblog Conference 2008

One of the Milblog panels in Vegas was entitled "Are Milblogs Still Relevant?", and Philip Carter, now working for the Obama campaign, really hit the nail on the head when he mentioned that many in the American public are divorced from the wars and military affairs. The entire DoD is dependent upon civilian support and is civilian-led, and when powerful politicians make decisions with little foresight and neglecting unintended consequences, we might end up with some kind of Return of Teh Rumsfeld scenario. At a time when America seems to be collapsing like a house of cards and IOUs, we cannot afford such haphazard decisions that affect our military and nation. Milblogs have always seemed to provide unique insight into our current conflicts from both first-hand perspectives and non-partisan analysis, which I only hope gets more recognition.

The supporter aspect was the topic of another panel, which has proven to be incredibly beneficial to augment current VA efforts for the mentally and physically wounded.

As far as meeting creepy internet people, it was a great time, and they ended up not being as strange as I imagined and very likable and outgoing people (however, I did my best to live up to expectations of weird). Blackfive held a wingding at the Penthouse club in Vegas with free booze and giant mural of boobs, Doc and his wife were very nice and he has a large and superb collection of photos from the party, JP Borda was going for the porn star look with his wraparounds perched on his head in the middle of the night (which made him fit in well in Vegas), Greyhawk is a very good public speaker and should probably run for emperor, CJ assured me that Space Camp would be safe from our adversaries down in Huntsville (thank heavens), the USO Girls know how to have a good time, and Boston Maggie actually talks like that.

Thanks to everyone for making this happen and attending, I love you all. Especially Andi, JP, Mrs. G, and Blackfive. Here's some pics (I have some of the elusive TSO, but he doesn't want to give away his Super Secret Identity in the same vain as Jerry O' Connell):

JP and the Lovely USO Girls

Me, Caroline, and Jamie Trying to Get Employed

The Awesome Inspiration of the Barry Manilow Fold-Up in my Hotel Room

Picture of Me and Boston Maggie, which reminded me of the photoshopped McCain incident at The Atlantic. Now someone has to have a monkey taking a dump on our heads

Are Milbogs Relevant? Shit, I hope so

Pervin' Out on Facebook

It adds the profile as a friend, or else it gets the hose again...

In order to better understand cultural trends and whatever the hell the kids are doing these days, I've set up a Facebook account. So if you ever sent me an email and do the Facebook thing, you probably got a creepy invite from yours truly. I'm a bit perturbed that you can't just look at people's profiles without being "their friend", which is an affront to the tawdry voyeurism that made the internet reach such prominence. Anyways, since the number of friends indicates how successful you are at life, I've only got 6, which should tell you something. But if you want me combing through your profile, please send me a friend request.

Be There and Be Square

See everyone there! Please don't forget to ask about the open sores on my lower lip if you are attending.

Hopefully, I'll get some photos of bloggers embarrassing themselves and post them on Sunday.

-LT N

Oh Noes! My Tax Dollars

or alternatively, Putting Your Money Where Our Mouth Is

After the McCain/Palin campaign wrote an Op-Ed in WSJ explaining why the bailout of the plutocrats at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac was necessary, they continue to totally blow it with Palin re-hashing talking points on Fox News with Sean Hannity. Wonkette has a partial transcript:

The politics as usual, the cronyism that has been allowed to be accepted and then it leads us to a position like we are today with so much collapse on Wall Street. That’s the reform that we’ve got to get in there and make sure that this happens. We’ve got to put government and these regulatory agencies back on the side of the people.

The federal government is, without a doubt, the most irresponsible and reckless spender of money since currency was first introduced to civilization in the form of sea shells. Like the $59 Trillion tax payers are obligated to pay for future entitlement programs, the monstrous bailouts of these loser institutions on Wall Street will certainly continue the culture of what SGT Gene calls "Socialism for them and cut-throat Capitalism for the rest of the plebeians, Profits are Privatised and Losses are Socialized."

The "Super Jumbo Mortgages" for over $650K, that the bankrupt Lehman Brothers Bank still offers on their website, conjures the image of a hot dog sale rather than a sound financial investment. As long as these suits know that politicians are going to bail them out of their shoddy escapades into entrepreneurship, who's stopping them from embracing get rich schemes that are destined to fail. Why else would these major corporations be so interested in buying off politicians to do their bidding? While media types like Modo blast the inherent rubeness of the American populace in states removed from the power structure, they'd be better off just heading down the street to see where the majority of our problems lie.

The Anti-Elitism Post or Shaddap Fancy Pants

Biden drops the meme against the NASCAR voting bloc at rally in Michigan (video at Gateway Pundit):

All this stuff about how different Barack Obama is, they're not just used to somebody really smart. They're just not used to somebody who's really well educated. They just don't know quite how to handle it. Cause if he's as smart as Barack is he must not be from my neighborhood.

The suits running the Dem campaign still don't understand how to woo small-town voters after all these years, and the electoral map certainly shows this fact. Sensitive Joe certainly isn't helping by insinuating that anyone who doesn't agree with Obama is a dumb shit. Maybe they're trying the tact of getting furious at rural folks for having too much love for Jeay-sus while shunning the federal government and the "exciting prospect" of bike lanes in our cities, but whatever method they are trying, it sure as hell ain't working. Of course, with entitlement programs making the country go broke, they pretty much have to take all of us to be saps in the first place.