McCain and Palin With Katie Couric: Absolutely Brutal

The CBS interview with both McCain and Palin has been released and it is totally painful to watch. McCain looks about as comfortable as a Mormon at a Bangkok ping-pong show while Palin talks about Pakistan foreign policy saying "we're gonna do what we have to do!". Also, she sounds like a loopy member of my extended family when she says "This is all about gotcha journalism, but that's okay too!". McCain then attacks the media like a bulldog (not a very effective campaign strategy) as he realizes that picking a Veep for populist, down-home purposes was a lousy idea during a time of war as Fareed Zakaria has already noted.

(Note: I stand by decision for Lord Humungus: Warrior of the Wasteland in 2008 or possibly Bob Barr if I'm not drunk on election day)

Corporate Director Romanticizes About Anti-Capitali$t Battle of Seattle

Heroic Protesters Make Good on Maoist Values by Looting the Local Starbucks

History revisionism seems to be the norm in Hollyweird as a cast of stars have assembled to produce the most recent far-left tripe: Battle in Seattle. The writer/director, Stuart Townsend, has an article in Alternet glorifying this nonsense:

In 1999 fifty thousand people, mostly Americans, from all walks of life, marched on the streets of Seattle protesting the policies of the World Trade Organization. The event was dubbed the "Battle in Seattle" and its organizers were clear in their mission -- to shut the talks down and focus the world's attention on policies that were in fact harming the poor, the sick, and the environment. After the world's attention shifted, I felt there was still more of a story to tell. How did David truly slay Goliath?

Too bad this "awful" system of capitalism has given pretty boy Stuart a cushy existence as he's shacked up with Hollywood babe Charlize Theron. Meanwhile, us jokels in the rest of America have to pray that our landlords don't have to foreclose on our domiciles because of the crony schemes designed under the guise to "help the poor".

Aside from Stuart's hypocritical posturing as GQ Che, the Battle of Seattle had nothing to do with a dissenting message and everything to do with thugs destroying property in the great Emerald City for the sake of "protester chic". I was in college at the time and I know the type. Some douchebag who has never worked a day intheir life, picks up a Chomsky book and all of a sudden is acting out some misplaced rebellion against their imperialist parents. This personality type is fueled by the far-left rhetoric from pointy-headed professors trying to whip up ideals from the wet dreams of the 60s.

This video documenting the Battle of Seattle supports the premise that this "epic" 1999 protest was nothing more than a gaggle of hooligans making a nuisance for the Seattle police and citizens. Notice the "protestor" at 3:00 into the video who said he is in attendance "for the riots", followed by the normally liberal/eco-conscious Seattleites who aren't too pleased that this riff-raff is having a garbage bonfire in the middle of an urban populous.

The true legacy of The Battle of Seattle is found at Nationmaster:

Businesses lost approximately $9 to $18 million in sales, and suffered $2 to $3 million dollars in property damage (mostly covered by insurance). There were further losses in tourism due to damaged reputation, and/or public apprehension in living or visiting Seattle.

If these people are so upset with the horrors of capitalism, feel free to move to North Korea...I'll even pay for the ticket! As far as the "real" heroes of modern protests, it has to be the small business owner and his employees who have to clean up the feces and broken glass left behind by these wretched protestors. Of course no one in Hollywood is making a movie about those poor guys, because business is evil...unless your mass-marketing a multi-million dollar movie.

Time For Drastic Action During Rough Times, Vote Lord Humungus in '08!

Game Over

Since the economy has collapsed, our government is gridlocked, and the only stock going up is canned goods, it's time to stop acting like a bunch of pussies about our shoddy mortgages and 401Ks. Forget about how much money you have in the bank, Thurston, because America will soon become a violent struggle for resources as it is consumed in a wasteland of post-Sub Prime apocalypse. That's why it's important to take sides early on to ensure survival, and why I'm throwing my hat in the rink for Lord Humungus: Warrior of the Wasteland.

Vote Humungus in 2008

Lord Humungus' speech about allowing the settlers safe passage out of the wasteland in exchange for the precious crude isn't just the same old meaningless rhetoric from some namby-pamby politican, he means fuckin' business. His run for CA Governor may have been met with little fanfare, but trying times require a man willing to get things done rather than some bleached-tooth DC hack.

The Humungus AmungUs

Our faithful master isn't exactly residing in the ivory tower either, and he wouldn't be afraid to take up arms for a worthy cause. Like General George Washington during The Revolutionary War, Lord Humungus inspires his warriors to the highest caliber of service as he fights alongside his men. While some pols might express admiration with sappy talk about "Support the Troops", Lord Humungus is actually one of the leather-clad combatants.

Wealthy Elites Consolidating Their Exploits With Mercenary Thugs

The settlers and their dying tribe are holding out on an entire tanker of fuel in their compound and they have hired a mercenary, known as the Road Warrior, to ensure their assets are protected. Lord Humungus is a man of the people, and his populist approach will ensure everyone gets their fair share of crude instead of a few elites in dorky white outfits.

Vote for Lord Humungus for a chance of survival in the new American wasteland and re-acquire the American dream!

Quick Pick-Me-Up Turns into Loss of All VA Benefits For Wounded Soldier

A wounded veteran out of Ft. Lewis, PFC Mark Siegel, is being administratively separated (ad-sep'd in military parlance) for one night of blow. In-depth story at Seattle Weekly:

Less than a month later, Siegel was escorted off the same Army base and instructed to sign a document stipulating that he could not return. He had been kicked out—or in military parlance, "administratively separated"—due to a urinalysis that revealed the presence of cocaine. As a result, he lost a host of benefits he might have otherwise received, including military-provided health care, disability pay, and eligibility for the GI Bill.

I understand the DoD's zero tolerance towards drug use, since heroin and weed were somewhat prevalent during the Vietnam days, but this seems a little harsh. Couldn't they have sent this kid somewhere to get cleaned up before pulling the rug out from under hiim? When a sailor gets drunk and wrecks his car, he'll generally get sent to mast (disciplinary action in the Navy) and then the command sends him to SARP (Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program) to dry out. But, to go for drugs, you have to go voluntarily, and if you get caught in urinalysis, you're pretty much fucked. Seems a bit draconian.

Leader of War-Ravaged Nation Sends Condolences to U.S.!

Maliki Sez Sorry to my Homies in America

Iraq has been ravaged for years by Ba'ath party rule, U.N. sanctions, and terrorist thugs attempting to establish a caliphate, but that didn't stop Prime Minister Maliki from expressing his sympathies to the American people. From an AP interview:

"If I had enough funds to assist the American economy, I would do all that I can. But unfortunately Iraq cannot solve America's economic problems.

"But what Iraq can do is take up more responsibility security-wise here inside Iraq. And I have told the Americans repeatedly that we are ready to take up responsibility here in Iraq so there are less losses, a decreased number of American lives lost, and I am prepared to present this case before the American people. ...

"Iraqis are ready to take up security responsibility inside their country but unfortunately there is not much Iraq can do regarding helping the American economy. And I do understand that it is mostly the economic burden that is impacting your people."

The facts sort of back this up. Iraq is running an $80B surplus due to oil exports, while the U.S. is $400B in the stink hole due to greedy politicians wasting money. Iraq does not have an adequate bureaucracy to spend revenue, while America has way too many in the power class with their dicks in the taxpayer pie. Multi-national oil corporations are licking their chops at the opportunity to invest in Iraq due to improved security, while access to offshore oil reserves in America is still very limited. It's naive to think that Iraq doesn't have major economic woes and the violence is still egregious, but it seems to be where the smart money is going. I'm torn between feeling respect for Iraq and a shame about my own country.

Crap You Can Get for Two Bucks

A delicious 40-ouncer of malt liquor

8 trips to the peep show
CD of Euro Heaven 2000 at Wal Mart (the Radiorama track alone might be worth your two dollars)
The entire Middle East and European division of Lehman Brothers. No, this is not a joke.

Nasty Neil Just Won't Get Off the Comments Thread

Even though this post is 10 days old and long gone on the event horizon, Neil C. Reinhardt, "military atheism activiest" just won't let this comment thread go. Some highlights:

• Neil threatens the lovely Cathcatz: "And if you, or anyone else ever calls me a liar to my face, you/their ass will be on the ground very quickly!"
• Neil proselytizes: "Look, Oh Very Clueless and Illogical One, I MAY watch Fox news, a whole once or twice a week. IF and when I do, I do not accept what ANYONE says without doing some checking from one, or more other sources, to verify the truth of what is said."
• Neil gets angry at Jonn's communication abilities: "Joon (sic) says he is some kind of activist and how poor my communication skills and yet he does not tell us in what field his supposed activism is in. Now THAT, is really POOR communication skills. Last, 'Jonn Lilyea' I care less how you conduct yourself...And JONN, you Clueless ass, WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE FOR McCAIN!"
• Neil has banged a lot of chicks and we could only be so lucky: "While I could list many of the names, locations & approximate dates of the over ninety ladies, it would be inappropriate of me to do so. When you consider: A. I am nearly 74 & have been chasing women since I was sixteen. Ninety plus women in 48 years is not that many. (Still not bad for an ugly "dude") B. Some of the most successful years were during the "Free Love" and PRE aids, herpes era of the 60's and 70's. Since YOU accuse me of believing lies, tell me child, which one of the thousands of gods do you believe in?"

Of course nothing can compare to the viking shenanigans of De Wald, but this is still pretty entertaining. Long live the internet!

Poll: Best Head Explosion in Cinematic History

A serious question for serious times! Please vote by leaving a comment or writing in a movie for best head explosion (no Ron Paul write-ins):

1) Scanners: Always a classic

2) Toxic Avenger when youngster gets run over: The head crusher scene may give you second thoughts about letting your kdis ride their bikes unsupervised or unarmed

3) Dawn of the Dead during project riot in Philadelphia: Police Brutality at its goriest (this unfortunate dude wasn't even a zombie!)

4) Running Man when political prisoner, Chico, makes a break for the perimeter: Chhiiiicccooooo! (whether or not Gov. Ahnold has ever actually uttered this in the California city is unknown)

5) Akira when Tetsuo mutates: Just an all-around weird, creepy, and fascinating movie (just like much of Japanese culture)

Spare me your discourse about focusing on "important issues". Who needs a general election when you can vote for this!

Culture Clash 2008: Manhattanites for McCain

Look at Me Do Yoga at the Airport! I'm so much better than all of you (spotted by Ms. Kiyum)

I'm not a big fan of bashing political candidates with the "elitism" moniker. It's important that the people running the country are better educated and more well-spoken than some schmuck junior officer with a Z-list blog, and when Palin comes off like a dolt on foreign policy, concern needs to be raised. But, personal observation suggests that some on the modern left are just no-good, terrible people. Modesty has always been an American virtue, and this seems to be eroding in our self-obsessed culture of alleviating white/eco/imperialist/whatever-guilt where liberals go out of their way to justify how special and morally upright they are. Looking down on people for not "going vegan", running sabotage campaigns to win by any means necessary, endless comments of self-righteous smug left all over the blogosphere like rodent droppings in a sausage plant, assuming that everyone in the military was either duped by the government or has serious psychological issues. It's like a modern-day religion combined with the medieval dogma of roasting people at the stake for not going along with the program.

I try to be open-minded to the modern political dynamic, and I appreciate people with progressive views that aren't douchebags (Hi A-ro, Cathcatz, and Jason!) but this video of a McCain march in NYC really solidifies some age-old fears and stereotypes about liberals for some reason. From The People's Cube:

What a bunch of assholes. It makes me more likely to listen to these toothless rubes for insight into political affairs rather than the New Yorker.

Is Obama Serious about Nuclear Power?

Anti-Nuclear Hysteria May Still Have an Effect on Public Policy

As a full disclosure, myself and OleGreyDog may need employment in the near future, and that box of cookies we sent with our resumes to Lehman Brothers may have been a futile action seeing how they've gone tits up. Since we are already confirmed nuke power nerds, putting shameless self-interest into our election decision is desirable to secure future subsidies for our drinking habits.

McCain and Obama had a bit of a testy exchange on nuclear power at yesterday's debate. Transcipt:

MCCAIN: No one from Arizona is against solar. And Senator Obama says he's for nuclear, but he's against reprocessing and he's against storing. So...

OBAMA: That's just not true, John. John, I'm sorry, but that's not true.

MCCAIN: ... it's hard to get there from here. And off-shore drilling is also something that is very important and it is a bridge.

And we know that, if we drill off-shore and exploit a lot of these reserves, it will help, at temporarily, relieve our energy requirements. And it will have, I think, an important effect on the price of a barrel of oil.

OBAMA: I just have to respond very quickly, just to correct -- just to correct the record.

MCCAIN: So I want to say that, with the Nunn-Lugar thing...

LEHRER: Excuse me, Senator.

OBAMA: John?

MCCAIN: ... I supported Nunn-Lugar back in the early 1990s when a lot of my colleagues didn't. That was the key legislation at the time and put us on the road to eliminating this issue of nuclear waste and the nuclear fuel that has to be taken care of.

OBAMA: I -- I just have to correct the record here. I have never said that I object to nuclear waste. What I've said is that we have to store it safely.

Obama seems to be taking a middle ground approach on nuclear power, and his energy page has a bunch of pictures of trees and wind turbines, but nothing on splittin' atoms. However, I was able to dig up this video where he discusses some nuclear issues at a campaign rally:

Obama talks about keeping his kids safe, and that nuclear plants need to prove that they are safe (yawn). Pretty dishonest comment seeing how the worst nuclear accident in American history (Three Mile Island) didn't result in anyone getting injured. Meanwhile, every time an oil refinery blows up and leaves a pile of stiffs in its wake, it barely makes a dent on any politician's radar. Obama also mentions that he is against the Yucca mountain depository, which would provide a permanent storage solution for high-level waste. His criticism of the high-cost of nuclear power is justified, but with the cap and trade program he advocates, it could become more economically viable. So, Senator, hopefully you'll come around to support nuke power, and if you don't, remember that there's no bigger a nuisance in the modern age than an unemployed blogger.

WaMu Fails At Everything

The Seattle-based Washington Mutual has become the largest bank in U.S. history to join the "FAIL" category due to bunk mortgages. From CNN:

JPMorgan Chase acquired the banking assets of Washington Mutual late Thursday after the troubled thrift was seized by federal regulators, marking the biggest bank failure in the nation's history and the latest stunning twist in the ongoing credit crisis.

Under the deal, JPMorgan Chase will acquire all the banking operations of WaMu, including $307 billion in assets and $188 billion in deposits.

I guess the "whoo-hoo" ad campaign to inspire consumer confidence didn't work out so well. No need to bring your shotgun to make a run on the bank tomorrow, because JP Morgan assures it will be a "normal transition" for customers. Gulp. In an unrelated note, Bob Barr has an extensive piece on how we got into this fuckin mess. It seems as though he's the only one that sees that the Wall St. emperor wears no clothes and compares the Treasury Department's role in this crisis as being similar to the dictatorship in North Korea. A strong metaphor, but it seems to be more true by the day.

Before There Was the Drug War, There Was Temperance PSAs

The gorgeous babes of the Temperance movement should probably be excused, as marketing wasn't a maturely developed industry back then (h/t Sisu). Of course looking at drug war Public Service Announcements (PSAs) through the ages such as Pee Wee telling us not to smoke crack (of course whackin it on PCP in a movie theater is kosher):



And on to today with war against people making whoopee.

Maybe PSAs still don't understand the targeted demographic. Some things never change.

Code Pink Meets Up with BFF Ahmadinejad

Saying Hello to His Fans

This isn't much of a surprise, seeing how these hags already met with Hugo Chavez, but Code Pink is totally stoked to meet up with the infamous holocaust-denying, terrorist-financing, Ahmadinejad. Code Pink press release:

The CODEPINK women proposed inviting American and Iranian artists to build a “peace park” in Tehran, a memorial dedicated to people-to-people commitment to peace and diplomacy between our two countries.

They also proposed a plan to invest funds in an Iranian business, one that produces green and sustainable products, such as bicycles.

Code Pink is behind the curve, because Iran has already tried to create these so-called "sister cities" in Iraq and Lebanon. Too many incoming 240mm rockets and too many babes getting killed for not wearing the abaya, IMHO. I'm not too hot on the idea of Hezbollah coming into our country to do outreach.

Why does Code Pink continuously give our enemies fodder for their propaganda apparatus? Societies that are based on tyranny are destined to fail in an information age, because the rulers count on the ignorance of their people to remain in power. That is why phenomenons like Heavy Metal in Tehran shows how superior ideologies of rocking out and getting wasted will prevail over pie in the sky theories about the 12th imam. Code Pink isn't helping this equation. Another group of people who can't deal with the modern reality of terrorism and extremism and cling to their hippie rituals of "sticking it to the man". Grow up, you bums.

The Vox Populi? "You Betcha!"

First there were the Sarah Palin action figures, then the new Pakistani president dropped the skeeze and called Palin a babe (too bad his troops aren't showing the same admiration for the ISAF), and now there's this creepy crop formation in Ohio. From KTVB:

You need to be airborne to fully appreciate a corny caricature of Sarah Palin near Toledo, Ohio. A 16-acre cornfield has been carved up in the likeness of the Republican vice presidential candidate to form a tourist attraction's fall corn maze.

This monstrosity would only be worthwhile if the town was run by kids who killed all the adults to worship a demonic caricature ala Children of The Corn. Watch it Palintards, like Obama's fervent water carriers, you're going on notice!

The Palin Corn Maze, is it full of weird Satanic shit?

Code Pink Fails...Again

Go read C.H.U.D. Busters for an update on the "triumphant" Code Pink dismantling of our military in Berkeley.

$700 Billion Bucks on the Field, Please

I don't know how many of you like to gamble, but the USO Girls can attest that I'm a big sucker for the stuff. Anyways, since the odds are stacked against you, people often revert to fanatical superstitions such as always tapping the dice before a roll, never throwing cash on the table mid-shoe or when the marker's down, and never saying out loud certain numbers which could cause your economic demise. The fact that Bush just announced we're going to throw out $700B to buy up a bunch of risky assets and his speech was 13 minutes long is simply terrifying.

Bush's Bumblin' Bailout Speech

Screw this country, let's all go homestead on the moon or something.

New Iraq Play at Temple, Can it Not Be Terrible?

Please Don't Be This Lame

There's a play opening at Temple University called "In Conflict", which uses taped conversations with returned Iraq veterans to portray the war onstage. This is much more insight into the perspective of a soldier than colossal flops like Redacted and Stop Loss ever tried to seek out, so it's worth at least checking out. IHT has the review:

Chambers also plays Darryl Anderson, now AWOL in Canada, who calls himself a "terrorist," for his actions in Iraq, and says he's really helping "make the Iraqi people's lives better" by speaking out against the war.

Damon Williams is particularly poignant as Herold Noel, badly affected by his part in one of the more horrible stories told, an encounter with a woman carrying a baby.

Sean Lally is notable in two roles, one as Ivan Medina, an army chaplain, who returned safely from Iraq but grieves for his twin brother Irving, who was killed there. Lally also portrays Robert Acosta, an army specialist who lost his right hand when he tried to toss an incoming grenade back out of the car he was riding in. Acosta says he liked being in the army "until Iraq came," and blasts the Department of Veterans Affairs for initially denying his medical claims for PTSD and a serious leg injury.

This play seems to be falling into the trap of thinking the most flamboyantly vocal of the veterans groups (IVAW) speaks for all veterans. Their strong anti-war ethos helps fuel the artists preconceived notions that have been more than likely been cultivated in some left-leaning college news rag. I'm not saying every interpretation of conflict should play out like the uber-propaganda flick "Triumph of the Will", but I think people only view veterans out of political convenience at this point in American history. A black hole of cognitive dissonance where only voices they want to hear are heard and splashed across marquees.

Maybe this play will be good, but the really excellent characterizations of the Iraq war aren't going to come out until veterans finish up their schooling in the arts and become part of the cultural mainstream. Some of the best Vietnam movies, like Platoon, Born on the 4th of July and Hamburger Hill, were actually directed or written by Vietnam vets. So we may just have to rest on our laurels with that crummy DVD copy of Home of the Brave until something decent comes along. Sigh.

Eugenics is So One Hundred Years Ago

A Louisiana state rep is helping move his party from moderate conservatism to being outright reactionary as he proposes this creepy method of getting folks off the dole. From NOLA:

LaBruzzo said he worries that people receiving government aid such as food stamps and publicly subsidized housing are reproducing at a faster rate than more affluent, better-educated people who presumably pay more tax revenue to the government. He said he is gathering statistics now.

"What I'm really studying is any and all possibilities that we can reduce the number of people that are going from generational welfare to generational welfare, " he said.

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

This idea of sterilization of undesirables is nothing new, and has been tried to be legitimized by a few kooks in recent years. However, eugenics was actually considered a viable policy in America before the Nazis began trumpeting it. From HNN:

In its first twenty-five years of eugenic legislation, California sterilized 9,782 individuals, mostly women. Many were classified as "bad girls," diagnosed as "passionate," "oversexed" or "sexually wayward." At Sonoma, some women were sterilized because of what was deemed an abnormally large clitoris or labia.

In 1933 alone, at least 1,278 coercive sterilizations were performed, 700 of which were on women. The state's two leading sterilization mills in 1933 were Sonoma State Home with 388 operations and Patton State Hospital with 363 operations. Other sterilization centers included Agnews, Mendocino, Napa, Norwalk, Stockton and Pacific Colony state hospitals.

It's true that programs like Medicaid and Welfare have the unintended consequence of allowing irresponsible people to plop out more munchkins to further our society towards the set from Idiocracy, but is this a program we want the government implementing? Some libertarians (like me) freak out about the "race question" on the census being an affront to civil liberties, so this policy is reminding me of some sort of Matrix-style breeding program. But there's a solution to our woefully dumbed down America, I say let more immigrants come here to work and live, which Reason highlights is actually a bureaucratically painful process to do legally. A policy that would benefit society without donning a Mengele outfit.

Moran of the Day Says Vote Obama or We'll Be Whacked by the Stasi

Where else but the Huffington Post could you get these money quotes to foment stereotypes we've long held about liberals. Naomi Wolf writes:

Dictators and gangs of thugs all over the world hold elections. It means nothing. When a cabal has seized power you can have elections and even presidents, but you have freedom. I realized early on with horror what I was seeing in Governor Palin: the continuation of the Rove-Cheney cabal, but this time without restraints.

Oh no, the cabal!

My tax returns vanished from my mailbox. All my larger envelopes arrive ripped straight open apparently by hand. When I show the postman, he says "That's impossible." Horrifyingly to me is the impact on my family. My childrens' report cards are returned again and again though perfectly addressed; their invitations are turned back; and my daughters many letters from camp? Vanished. All of them. Not one arrived.

Nutty conspiracies about the government stealing your mail are so Y2K.

Under the coming Palin-Rove police state, you will witness the plans now underway to bring Iraqi troops to patrol the streets of our nation. This is not McCain's fantasy: it is Rove's and Cheney's.

I think she meant American troops who have served in Iraq. You shouldn't have to learn Arabic when reporting a crime in the near future. But who has time to proofread for content when you're just so outraged.

Make no mistake: Sarah "Evita" Palin is Rove and Cheney's cosmetic rebranding of their fascist push: she will help to establish a true and irreversible "fear society" in this once free once proud nation. For God's sake, do not let her; do not let them.

I have no reason to discount alarmist rhetoric about a sadistic U.S. government, but I prefer to get my daily dose of crazy from sites talking about the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln and the Illuminati. These lefty weenies talk a big game about civil liberties, but they have burned us before by over-regulating social behavior they deem problematic and stomping out that "nuisance" of a second amendment. This is a pathetic attempt at fearmongering to scare up votes for an oligarchical state that happens to be her friends in the Democratic party as opposed to those evil Repubs. That and she's still trying to get a few rubes to pick up her book. Get in your Volvo and go back to San Francisco, you moran!

End Game in Iraq

The soft spoken Secretary of Defense had this to say about the situation in Iraq during a press conference:

I believe we have now entered that endgame – and our decisions today and in the months ahead will be critical to regional stability and our national security interests for years to come.

As Iraq has completely dropped off the radar in American news coverage due to the elections and the economy getting dicked up, it is imperative to elect intelligent representatives in order to ensure gains do not falter. The disenfranchisement of the mostly Sunni Sahwa groups could prove disastrous, as the last time the armed Sunnis were neglected, an insurgency was born. Of course, this reconciliation is the responsibility of the Iraqis themselves, but we should provide the necessary diplomatic and military support to help foster this nation. IMHO, I think the American history books will look back on regret towards Iraq as a strategic blunder based on propaganda from a failed political ideology. But, just walking away and allowing the country to degenerate into total chaos (like we did in Lebanon in the 80s and Somalia in the 90s) would have been the worst scenario.

Federal Bailout of My Unprofitable Old Timey Bike Business

Before I forced to join the Navy out of economic desperation, my brother and I started a business to bring classic 19th century bicycles back to America's streets and thoroughfares. The vision was that getting from Point A to Point B should be a gentleman's endeavor, while the tall height of eye and tight-fitting britches would prove irresistible to the lasses. Unfortunately, with the grotesquely large front wheel making it a baffling ordeal to even get on the seat, we had no interested buyers.

Luckily, my grossly unprofitable business can be bailed out along with a bunch of other corrupt bankers for the tune of $1,000,000 (which includes the cost of psychological damages). Thanks BuyMyShitPile.com and thank you Paulson for saving poor performing American businesses!

(h/t Reason is who is trying to get a government bailout for their bedazzler)

Great News: Mysterious Iranian Boat Loses Toxic Cargo to Somali Pirates

Uh-oh. The Long War Journal has an in-depth report on the Iran Deyanat, which was hijacked by Somali pirates late last month. The ship was supposedly carrying 40K Tons of iron ore from China to Rotterdam, but something seems a little fishy about this payload. From LWJ:

The MV Iran Deyanat was brought to Eyl, a sleepy fishing village in northeastern Somalia, and was secured by a larger gang of pirates - 50 onboard and 50 onshore. Within days, pirates who had boarded the ship developed strange health complications, skin burns and loss of hair. Independent sources tell The Long War Journal that a number of pirates have also died. "Yes, some of them have died. I do not know exactly how many but the information that I am getting is that some of them have died," Andrew Mwangura, Director of the East African Seafarers' Assistance Program, said Friday when reached by phone in Mombasa.

News about the illness and the toxic cargo quickly reached Garowe, seat of the government for the autonomous region of Puntland. Angered over the wave of piracy and suspicious about the Iranian ship, authorities dispatched a delegation led by Minister of Minerals and Oil Hassan Allore Osman to investigate the situation on September 4. Osman also confirmed to The Long War Journal that during the six days he negotiated with the pirates members of the syndicate had become sick and died. "That ship is unusual," he said. "It is not carrying a normal shipment."

The symptoms cited amongst the pirates are consistent with radiation sickness, which causes reddening of the skin, nausea, hair falling out, and looking like an extra from The Day After. It takes over a 100 rads at once to get sick, and unless your standing on top of a critical reactor, getting nuked Strangelove-style, or near High Level Radioactive Waste, it just ain't gonna happen. Even the dreaded yellowcake (processed Uranium ore) probably can't cause these kind of symptoms as seen in Table 4 of this CDC PDF. So, if it's radioactive waste making the "Curious George" pirates puke themselves, it has to be some kind of spent fuel.

Since the last two big internet rumors have turned out to be accurate (see Palin Hacker story and Obama Astroturfing campaign), time to speculate on a new one. Iran is carting around toxic radioactive waste to create a mutant, mop-wielding, Somali Army to wage war against the West! It'll be like The Toxic Avenger, but in Farsi and with less boob shots.

Actually, it might be Iran trying to get rid of their nuclear waste from trying to start up the Bushehr reactor and its enrichment program. So by trying to dodge the pesky IAEA's questions, Iran accidentally shipped a bunch of material for a dirty bomb to the place on earth most resmbling Road Warrior (i.e. Somalia). Way to go, Ahmadinejad.

Or...it could be some kind of chemical weapon coming from China. The Chinese have been accused of providing weaponry to Iran merchants before. No wonder Iranian shipping just got slapped with sanctions.

Keepin' it Klassy in Kitsap Kounty

From the Kitsap Sun: Port Orchard Woman Arrested, Despite Claiming to be a "Nuclear Scientist"

A 23-year-old Port Orchard woman who claimed she was a nuclear scientist — and then shouted insults and obscenities at a Kitsap County sheriff's deputy — was arrested Sunday morning for assaulting the deputy.

And again from the Kitsap Sun: Stolen Bremerton Chihuahua Turns Up at Vet's After Ingesting Meth

The employee told an officer a Chihuahua had been brought into the clinic Thursday by a 40-year-old Silverdale man. The veterinarian believed the dog had ingested methamphetamine based on its strange behavior. They also believed the Silverdale man might have been high on methamphetamine, according to reports.

Sometimes, no commentary is necessary.

The Negative Feedback Loop of Our Economy (in pictures!)

Step 1: With the economy in the proverbial shits, people start freaking out and blame the usual scapegoats of illegals, free trade, and lack of FDR-era regulation. Lou Dobbs ratings are through the roof.

Step 2: Fat cats with political connections in Washington use the opportunity to take ridiculous risks that earn them billions, despite the fact that their entire financial foundation is built on a house of straw. Regulation and government control prevents the basic tenets of the free market, such as competition, from functioning. And if their leadership proves to be a disaster, their golden parachutes remain intact.


Step 3: With the federal government running record deficits, the cost of oil is out of control, wages stall, and inflation is through the roof. Kids start making kites made out of dollar bills like Germany in 1923.

Step 4: Like a swarm of buzzards preying on human tragedy, politicians propose more regulation and nationalization as a guise to ensure those in power remain power. This is aided by unknowing surrogates in the American public who actually think the suits in Washington give a shit about normal people.


Step (5 or 1): With the economy in the shits, people start freaking out and blame the usual scapegoats of illegals, free trade, and lack of FDR-era regulation. Lou Dobbs ratings are through the roof.

Milblog Conference 2008

One of the Milblog panels in Vegas was entitled "Are Milblogs Still Relevant?", and Philip Carter, now working for the Obama campaign, really hit the nail on the head when he mentioned that many in the American public are divorced from the wars and military affairs. The entire DoD is dependent upon civilian support and is civilian-led, and when powerful politicians make decisions with little foresight and neglecting unintended consequences, we might end up with some kind of Return of Teh Rumsfeld scenario. At a time when America seems to be collapsing like a house of cards and IOUs, we cannot afford such haphazard decisions that affect our military and nation. Milblogs have always seemed to provide unique insight into our current conflicts from both first-hand perspectives and non-partisan analysis, which I only hope gets more recognition.

The supporter aspect was the topic of another panel, which has proven to be incredibly beneficial to augment current VA efforts for the mentally and physically wounded.

As far as meeting creepy internet people, it was a great time, and they ended up not being as strange as I imagined and very likable and outgoing people (however, I did my best to live up to expectations of weird). Blackfive held a wingding at the Penthouse club in Vegas with free booze and giant mural of boobs, Doc and his wife were very nice and he has a large and superb collection of photos from the party, JP Borda was going for the porn star look with his wraparounds perched on his head in the middle of the night (which made him fit in well in Vegas), Greyhawk is a very good public speaker and should probably run for emperor, CJ assured me that Space Camp would be safe from our adversaries down in Huntsville (thank heavens), the USO Girls know how to have a good time, and Boston Maggie actually talks like that.

Thanks to everyone for making this happen and attending, I love you all. Especially Andi, JP, Mrs. G, and Blackfive. Here's some pics (I have some of the elusive TSO, but he doesn't want to give away his Super Secret Identity in the same vain as Jerry O' Connell):

JP and the Lovely USO Girls

Me, Caroline, and Jamie Trying to Get Employed

The Awesome Inspiration of the Barry Manilow Fold-Up in my Hotel Room

Picture of Me and Boston Maggie, which reminded me of the photoshopped McCain incident at The Atlantic. Now someone has to have a monkey taking a dump on our heads

Are Milbogs Relevant? Shit, I hope so

Pervin' Out on Facebook

It adds the profile as a friend, or else it gets the hose again...

In order to better understand cultural trends and whatever the hell the kids are doing these days, I've set up a Facebook account. So if you ever sent me an email and do the Facebook thing, you probably got a creepy invite from yours truly. I'm a bit perturbed that you can't just look at people's profiles without being "their friend", which is an affront to the tawdry voyeurism that made the internet reach such prominence. Anyways, since the number of friends indicates how successful you are at life, I've only got 6, which should tell you something. But if you want me combing through your profile, please send me a friend request.

Be There and Be Square

See everyone there! Please don't forget to ask about the open sores on my lower lip if you are attending.

Hopefully, I'll get some photos of bloggers embarrassing themselves and post them on Sunday.

-LT N

Oh Noes! My Tax Dollars

or alternatively, Putting Your Money Where Our Mouth Is

After the McCain/Palin campaign wrote an Op-Ed in WSJ explaining why the bailout of the plutocrats at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac was necessary, they continue to totally blow it with Palin re-hashing talking points on Fox News with Sean Hannity. Wonkette has a partial transcript:

The politics as usual, the cronyism that has been allowed to be accepted and then it leads us to a position like we are today with so much collapse on Wall Street. That’s the reform that we’ve got to get in there and make sure that this happens. We’ve got to put government and these regulatory agencies back on the side of the people.

The federal government is, without a doubt, the most irresponsible and reckless spender of money since currency was first introduced to civilization in the form of sea shells. Like the $59 Trillion tax payers are obligated to pay for future entitlement programs, the monstrous bailouts of these loser institutions on Wall Street will certainly continue the culture of what SGT Gene calls "Socialism for them and cut-throat Capitalism for the rest of the plebeians, Profits are Privatised and Losses are Socialized."

The "Super Jumbo Mortgages" for over $650K, that the bankrupt Lehman Brothers Bank still offers on their website, conjures the image of a hot dog sale rather than a sound financial investment. As long as these suits know that politicians are going to bail them out of their shoddy escapades into entrepreneurship, who's stopping them from embracing get rich schemes that are destined to fail. Why else would these major corporations be so interested in buying off politicians to do their bidding? While media types like Modo blast the inherent rubeness of the American populace in states removed from the power structure, they'd be better off just heading down the street to see where the majority of our problems lie.

The Anti-Elitism Post or Shaddap Fancy Pants

Biden drops the meme against the NASCAR voting bloc at rally in Michigan (video at Gateway Pundit):

All this stuff about how different Barack Obama is, they're not just used to somebody really smart. They're just not used to somebody who's really well educated. They just don't know quite how to handle it. Cause if he's as smart as Barack is he must not be from my neighborhood.

The suits running the Dem campaign still don't understand how to woo small-town voters after all these years, and the electoral map certainly shows this fact. Sensitive Joe certainly isn't helping by insinuating that anyone who doesn't agree with Obama is a dumb shit. Maybe they're trying the tact of getting furious at rural folks for having too much love for Jeay-sus while shunning the federal government and the "exciting prospect" of bike lanes in our cities, but whatever method they are trying, it sure as hell ain't working. Of course, with entitlement programs making the country go broke, they pretty much have to take all of us to be saps in the first place.

Throwing in Your Buck-oh-Five

Normally, I'm a huge fan of Reason and Nick Gillespie, but I think he totally bricks on this post about service to one's country in response to the McCain/Obama forum on 9/11. Libertarian principles have always been critical of government excess and about the importance of the individual, but they generally aren't anarchists, and recognize that a government that enforces the rule of law and provides for national security is a necessity for a functioning society to exist without the Beyond Thunderdome aesthetic. Mr. Gillespie writes:

As Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain has put it, "The richest men and women possess nothing of real value if their lives have no greater object than themselves." Which often (though certainly not always) means suiting up to fight a stupid elective war or, far less gruesome but still frustrating, putting an upper-middle-class career on ice for a coupla-three years while punching the clock at a public-sector sinecure of dubious policy effectiveness.

Certainly fighting in trench warfare as a German soldier in WWI might be a lousy cause, but volunteerism in America has a pretty good track record of being successful in keeping the King of England out of our affairs, ensuring the country wasn't fractured in two, and preventing worldwide devastation under the boot of the very non-libertarian Axis. And that's not just the much touted fellas in uniform doing their part, but includes massive sacrifices made here in America to ensure the troops weren't shipping out in some cobbled together schooner. National service is an abstract concept, because it doesn't necessarily involve a tangible benefit towards one's well-being. Indeed, the overall monotony of actually serving can even be detrimental to one's own psychology. But at least at the end of a lousy 14-hour day in the desert, a soldier can say "At least I'm putting my time in, man".

If that's too odd a concept to grasp, maybe I can put it another way that relates directly to an individual's self-interest. Some fall into the trap of trying to exploit their service to elicit sympathy from the general public, but really, we're the ones that should be pitying the general public. Spending your twenties sipping lattes and going to wine n' cheese parties with your phony girlfriend to talk about who has got the newest iPhone app. C'mon, there's an entire world out there beyond the confines of your carefully choreographed and boring existence. What the hell is the matter with you fuckin' people! Seriously.

Bureaucracy in the Modern Age

From the Motivator Blog

The Coen brothers hit another home run with "Burn After Reading". Their best flicks seem to involve the psychosis of random crime (e.g. Blood Simple, Fargo, and No Country For Old Men) and random protagonists in way over their head with the crushing reality of contemporary society (e.g. Barton Fink, Raising Arizona, and, of course, The Big Lebowski). Burn After Reading falls into the latter genre, and it's kinda about the irrational paranoia of a monstrous overarching conspiracy from our intelligence agencies that only exists in a Tom Clancy novel. Brad Pitt has another stand-up performance as a somewhat deranged kook (like 12 Monkeys except he's a hapless fitness instructor), and George Clooney (who is normally a lousy one-dimensional actor playing Mr. Cool Guy) actually does alright as the buffoonish goon who can't stop the indiscreet boning. The story unfolds as a hijinx of human interaction that the CIA cannot properly analyze, and it portrays our agents as bureaucratic nitwits rather than spooks conducting waterboarding like in Rendition. It's good entertainment. Of course the ultimate film about navigating the incoherent bureaucracy of society will always be Terry Gilliam's Brazil, but this Coen brothers flick is still worth checking out.

When I was naive and dumb as an Ensign, instead of just drunk and dumb like I am as LT, I was ecstatic to be joining the military primarily so I could be in on all those government secrets Art Bell was always talking about. I wanted to see the dead Alien bodies at Area 51, I wanted to take part in the next Philadelphia experiment and get teleported through a bulkhead, and I wanted to go drinking with all those chimps that came back from space super intelligent. But, alas, there is no secretive military bunker 10 miles underground with the corpse of Patton directing Cheney's army of killbots. And I found that even high-ranking organizations succumb to the same bureaucratic foolishness that besiege all levels of government. This movie understands that reality.

Saudi Cleric Says Mickey Mouse Must be Put Down

A Saudi Cleric has called for the death of fictional character Mickey Mouse because he is one of Satan's soldiers (you sure you're not thinking of KISS, Mr. Munajid). The Telegraph reports (h/t Nutty News):

Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claimed the mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and makes everything it touches impure. But he warned that depictions of the creature in cartoons such as Tom and Jerry, and Disney's Mickey Mouse, had taught children that it was in fact loveable. The cleric, a former diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.

Of course Sheikh Munajid has no ill-will against Farfour, the lovable rascal modeled after Mickey on Palestinian TV who calls for death to Israel. Cartoon mice have been known to take sides on political issues and in a time of war (see Itchy and Scratchy teaming up to thwack Hitler), so perhaps this is a veiled attempt by the Saudi cleric to engage in partisan politics. For or against what...I do not know.

New Stuff at C.H.U.D. Busters

Ah! Trashy milbling set for the fall fashion line at Sears. Will exploitation of a combat unit help frat boys across the country get some poon?

Our Dumb Goober-natorial Race and Getting Snitty with the Tribes

Out of State Business Interest Can't Fauxtoshop For Shit

The Republican Governors Association, a gargantuan of a 527, is pumping in money to air ads blasting the incumbent Governor in WA, Chris Gregoire, for not taking tribal money. It seems the GOP challenger, Dino Rossi, is outraged that the Governor didn't extort money from the Spokane Tribe to operate casinos on their land. The website, Casino Chris, offers a horrendous parody of Seinfeld implying the Governor as an incompetent yokel who gets swindled by the tribes because she wouldn't skim off $140M from their profit margin. One would assume that Rossi was some sort of culture warrior decrying the societal breakdown of the family unit due to casinos, but the 527 is partly funded by Nevada gaming interests! So much for the free market. The Tacoma News Tribune reports:

The latest in their summer-long assault is an ad campaign blasting Gregoire for not cutting the state in on the tribes’ gaming action. It comes courtesy of the Republican Governors Association, an organization that happens to get big donations from non-Indian gaming interests that would no doubt like to see the tribes take it in the shorts.

I actually thought Governor Gregoire did something right for a change by respecting tribal sovereignty, but a look at what she had to say a few months ago seems to suggest that she is giving off the illusion as culture warrior as well. From Seattle P-I:

Gregoire saw that as a problem and called for a renegotiation of the 2005 compact with the Spokane Tribe after receiving input from interested parties, including other tribes and local law enforcement officials, Edwards said.

"It was almost like triggering a gambling arms race in the state," he said. "What would occur under the revenue sharing is that it would have led to an almost unlimited expansion of gambling -- unlimited tables, unlimited betting -- and that is something that the governor wanted to avoid."

C'mon, a gambling arms race? Somehow I'm not seeing the connection between tribes building more craps tables with the Soviets and Americans stockpiling ICBMs.

Both Democrats and Republicans seek to limit tribal gaming in the state, but can't give up the sweet source of revenue for their crooked programs. It's pathetic that politicians only think of the multitude of tribes in WA as a constant revenue streams instead of respecting their sovereign land. When Chief Seattle said in 1854 "Your time of decay (the white man) may be distant, but it will surely come", he was obviously onto something. I bet he didn't predict it would be a bunch of suits in Olympia squabbling about how to extract more and more money from a recreational activity.

Money-Hungry Politicians Looking for More Cash

Kim Jong Illin' To Join Zombie Horde

Any speculation on whether or not the ronery Kim Jong-Il has kicked the bucket to team up with Zombie Castro? The story was big last week, but seems to have dropped off the radar in the American media in lieu of Palin's sexy tanning bed. However, I did find an interesting article from The Independent:

In North Korean biographies, Mr Kim's birth in 1942 (or 1941) was foreseen by a swallow and marked by a double rainbow and a new star. Movies extolling his great mental and physical prowess record that he came from the heavens, accompanied by a huge snowstorm. "When he shouts, huge storms happen," said one.

What the fuck man, no one gave me a double rainbow!

West Memphis Three Can't Get New Trial

The three teenagers in Arkansas, who were convicted of first-degree murder in grisly child slayings that took place in 1993, have been denied a new trial, despite the fact that no DNA evidence was found at the crime scene. From AP (by way of Reason):

In his appeal, Echols argued that newly analyzed DNA found no trace of the defendants at the crime scene. But Burnett said he agreed with prosecutors that the absence of DNA didn't equal innocence.

"Proof of actual innocence requires more than his exclusion as the source of a handful of biological material that is not dispositive of the identity of a killer," the judge wrote.

Burnett also said that even if he agreed that the new DNA evidence should be heard in court, he would still deny Echols' request for a new trial because there was "not compelling evidence that he would be acquitted."

The trial took place when prosecutors from around the country were really pushing hard to try juveniles as adults, and the evidence brought against the three teenagers was ridiculous. It included Metallica lyrics found in one of the defendants notebooks and the fact that the teens wore black (implying the committed the child murders as part of some Satanic ritual). It was the subject of a movie, Paradise Lost, and it's frightening because it probably could have been any of us socially awkward types in high school. The bogus confession was coerced by the police from the 17 year-old Jessie Misskelley, a guy with an IQ of 72, and was pretty much the sole source of evidence in the trial besides the fact that the kids were "weirdos". A case that casts a dark shadow over the legitimacy of our justice system. 17 year-old Misskelley was sentenced to life + 40 years, 18 year-old Echols was sentenced to death, and 16 year-old Baldwin was sentenced to life without parole.

Other kids serving hard time include, Erik Jensen in Colorado (life without parole), who helped his friend hide the body of his sexually abusive mother. Too bad they did it right after Columbine was all over the news.

Bindles Rising, Monocle Sales Are Kaputz

Brother, can you spare a dime?!? As the stock market goes tits up and HP cuts 25,000 jobs, it's time to start realizing that we are living in the economic shits. While your yacht gets seized by the repo man, realize that there is some silver lining to this dark cloud. Check it out:

Tunes: The malaise-ridden 70s saw Punk come to prominence with three chords, spiked collars, and a whole slew of great bands including The Ramones, Black Flag, and The Germs. During the recession in the early 90s, metal reached its zenith as Slayer's Season in the Abyss was released and Metallica had yet to puss out for at least 5 more years. All we had going on in the economic boom of the late 90s was a bunch of teeny bopper crap like The Backstreet Boys.

Drinking: People seem to drink a lot more heavily when the going ain't so good. Maybe they'll finally start closing all these yuppiesque Yoga joints in Seattle and open more bars where you feel like you need a tetanus shot after you walk out at closing time. Kincoras comes to mind, where I once watched Ice Pirates while drinking Rainier beer. It got closed down to make room for a bunch of fuckin' condos. Those places rule and need to have a revival.

The Hobo Life: Homeless people often get a bad rap as being deranged lunatics in modern America (see Bum Fights). The tough times should bring the simple life back into fashion as we all sing the words to "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" while heading to California like a bunch of Okies.

You people see sub-rime lemons, well let's make some sub-prime lemonade, ya whiners!

The Decline of Political Art

Banksy Comes to New Orleans

Just as conservative talk radio was lively, interesting, and vibrant during the Clintonian years, political art seems to have had a bit of renaissance during 8 years of BDS. But one fallout of electing a Democrat to the White House could be a lack of provocative street art, such as the UK's Banksy, being plastered all over telephone poles in the forms of stickers. Reason explains:

But with President Bush mercifully retiring to Crawford, Texas, our hyperpolitical artists can return to the business of making generically bad art, shorn of references to a looming fascist takeover. Though don't discount the possibility that Bush's art world tormenters, confused by the peaceful transition of power to Obama, will now engage in the kind of hero worship that Shepard Fairey once so skillfully mocked.

While the outrage meter might be turned down from eleven if Obama gets elected, we can all take solace in the fact that kitsch Obama art will become an easy source for mockery. It's already starting to show up across the country. A pic from Wonkette of Obama teh Jesus should highlight this fact:


Awesome! I'm waiting for the velvet version of Obama at the Last Supper to be sold on the side of the freeway on-ramp. Or maybe a dashboard Obama Jesus would be more suitable. And yes, Wek, this is another sign from Florida, and so was the guy who got tasered while walking the dog naked. What's wrong with your state?

Future Employment for Submariners in Narco-Trafficking

Submariner types who get out before the 20 rough years required for retirement have some options available to them. Big nuke energy conglomerates like GE and Westinghouse are a good transition from military life to the real world, but tough economic times could limit opportunity. Luckily, drug traffickers are turning to makeshift subs to schlepp cocaine from South America. From CNN (based on Coast Guard press release):

The U.S. Coast Guard seized seven tons of cocaine with an estimated street value of $8.4 million in what one officer called "the most dangerous operation of my career."

The U.S. Coast Guard said it found seven tons of cocaine aboard this vessel Saturday in the eastern Pacific Ocean.

A Coast Guard team seized the drugs and arrested four suspected smugglers after boarding the stateless vessel in the eastern Pacific Ocean, about 350 miles west of Guatemala, on Saturday.

The vessel, a submarine-like ship known as a self-propelled semi-submersible, moves beneath the surface of the water but cannot submerge completely like a true submarine.

Seven tons of blow is enough to put Ted Kennedy's yacht to shame, and the white gold has enough street value to provide the average employee a decent health plan, wage, and the fringe benefit of hanging out with celebrities looking to party. Unfortunately, these drug cartel guys don't have a place to submit your resume, but the cocaine submarine YouTube video seems to be their company jingle.

Dasvedanya, Don't Get Any On Ya for Petraeus

General Petraeus is heading out of Iraq to head up CENTCOM, and he has a farewell message to the troops which Miserable Donuts has on their website. I served under him for 12 of the 19 months he was there, and it was interesting time to be there. The surge was an incredibly controversial executive order, and it was questionable as to whether counter-insurgency tactics could reap benefits in a country that had been so decimated by decades under Ba'ath rule and several years of active combat. Only history can judge whether or not it was the right method to stabilize the region, but just abandoning Iraq in 2007 might have led to unprecedented genocide due to competing ethnosectarian rivals. The level of violence in Iraq has already been at an egregious level the last 5 years, but it's heartening to know that under the military leadership of Petraeus, much of the bloodhshed was dampened due to a variety of new tactics implemented country-wide. We all follow orders to differing degrees in the military, even those at the highest levels of the food chain, and you can only hope the guys above you know what the fuck they are doing. I'm sure glad he did.

Red Meat for Palin Lovers

The fact that the GOP picked a woman for Veep has opened up a cultural rift about feminism in America not seen since Murphy Brown got knocked up and Dan Quayle predicted the apocalypse as a result of a child out of wedlock on TV. It's pretty ridiculous that some on the modern left have been so quick to ridicule Palin (was all that talk about women's rights in the past just for opportunistic purposes?). Anyways, a Hollywood screenwriter, who cashed in on writing the screenplay for "North Country", a film about women getting treated like ass at blue-collar jobs in flyover country, had this to say (h/t Dirty Harry):

For one, if you are a McCain/Palin/Bush voter, you and I do not have a difference of opinion. We have a difference in brain power. Two, she really is as ignorant as I feared. And, three, she really is kinda hot. Basically, I want to have sex with her on my Barack Obama sheets while my wife reads aloud from the Constitution. (My wife is cool with this if I promise to "first wipe off Palin's tranny makeup." I married well.)

He then to tried to deflect charges of sexism the following day by saying this:

Imagine for a moment that McCain had picked the latest winner of The Bachelor as his running mate. Would we be sexist if we commented on her looks? Of course not. Sorry if you don't like it, but in my mind, there's not much that separates Sarah Palin from the attractive yet vapid winner of a reality show. As far as I'm concerned, she IS the attractive yet vapid winner of a reality show.

The Huffington Post is easy pickins for railing against the left in this country, and this type of commentary shows the level to which people will stoop in this highly contested election. Along with the Palin as a Hamas suicide bomber meme, this doesn't say very much for the institution of democracy and voter involvement. May the person with the least amount of gaffes and best hair win!

Appealing to Low Information Voters

Put up a hate-filled and misspelled sign on your lawn. This will appeal to those in the great anti-"MUSLIN" conspiracy.

Appeal to sex-starved males looking to knock boots with either a gun-toting librarian or Alaskan version of Peggy Hill.

Court the thritysomething figurine-colletectin' poindexters who can't accept the fact that they had to grow up and shelve the Boba Fett gear.



Run a campaign ad superimposing the year 1982 with a disco ball to make McCain look like an out-of-touch Disco Stu on the campaign trail (even though McCain might not be able to use a keyboard because he was tortured).

This is an affront to American culture, as the horrible era of disco had long since crashed and burned in an inferno of cheap polyester by the early 80s. It would have been better to superimpose 1982 with a shot of Vince Neil's crotch on the sunset strip or something. Obama's cultural misrepresentations are offensive at best. This Obama ad sucks.

Late Nite Tunes: Youth Brigade - Fight to Unite

1.5 Million people are without power and Ike continues to wreak havoc on the Gulf Coast in Texas. The Tension has Coast Guard aerial footage of some of the flooded areas. Blogger Eric Dondero has battened down the hatches and has a first-person account. Here's some old hardcore to show solidarity with all the people suffering due to mother nature's merciless wrath.

Zawahiri Opts for the Lumbergh Approach in Iraq

Hey, Al-Masri, Whaaaat's Happening. Did You Get that Memo?

In a modest blow to the Al-Qaeda propaganda apparatus, MNF-I has released a letter addressed from Zawahiri (Al-Qaeda #2) to Al-Masri, the leader of the Islamic State of Iraq who flew the coop to Afghanistan early this summer. The letter was intercepted in a raid in March 2008, and Jihadica has bulletized highlights:

• Leadership: Masri too isolated to keep watch of his operatives. Zawahiri questions Masri’s ability to lead AQI.
• Poor Communication with AQ Central: Zawahiri concerned that he is not getting regular updates on Iraq. He is also not receiving regular communication from Masri.
• Poor Recruits: Dissatisfied with poor quality of recruits for ops in Iraq
• ISI’s Legitimacy: Questions manner in which the Islamic State of Iraq was established
• ISI’s Blatant Propaganda: Unhappy that ISI is repackaging old footage of operations and claiming the ops are new. Also unhappy that ISI takes credit for ops carried out by other terror groups, like Islamic Jihad. Zawahiri writes: “The media policy for the Islamic State is using exaggeration, to the extent of lying.”

It appears that Al-Masri has been slacking on his terrorist duties, but it's hard out in the desert for an aspiring jihadist. Look at some of the bullshit he has to put up with at work:

• Stepped up raids along the Syrian border preventing foreign-fighter influx (LWJ)
• Coordinated operations by coalition and Iraqi security forces to target terrorist cells in Baghdad and northern Iraq (American Forces Press Service)
• Predecessor killed by infidels in an airstrike (WaPo)
• Rejection of Al-Qaeda ideology by Sunni tribes in original homebase of Anbar province (Counterrorism Blog)
• Former Al-Qaeda logistics hub, Triangle of Death, in rural area south of Baghdad now called "Triangle of Love" (John Nagl at Intel Dump)

Cut Masri some slack, Zawahiri, damn.

Fiat Lux

"Audentes Fortuna Iuvat" - Virgil

AFRICOM Gets Boned by Weenies in DC

The House Appropriations committee wants to slash funding for AFRICOM from $390M to $60M, right before the command is about to become fully stood up. David Axe has all the gritty details at Wired. The purpose of AFRICOM is defined on their website:

United States Africa Command, in concert with other U.S. government agencies and international partners, conducts sustained security engagement through military-to-military programs, military-sponsored activities, and other military operations as directed to promote a stable and secure African environment in support of U.S. foreign policy.

Pretty reasonable goals for foreign policy. And, it's disheartening to know, that supporting a continent that has tremendous support for the U.S., while a dangerous element of terrorism lurks in Somalia and Mauritania is not a priority. Time to spend all that taxpayer money on bailing out companies that engage in irresponsible lending practices and more coke-fueled sex parties at the Department of the Interior. The system totally works!

Obama Takes A Shot at His Alma Mater

Obama and McCain at a Joint 9/11 Tribute

Speaking at Colombia University, Obama echoed McCain's sentiments about service in the military and said that ROTC should be welcomed at all campuses. Note: Repealing "Don't Ask Don't Tell" would help facilitate the long-held opposition from some collegiate administrators. He also discussed how America's more wealthy, educated classes are not populating enough of the military ranks, which anyone in the military could tell you is true through empirical observation, despite the Heritage foundation's study. Obama also hit on the Peace Corps and Americorps, which are great organizations to serve your country if you're not into heavy weaponry and lousy haircuts. A good show by both candidates.

Drill Baby, Drill

Haha, like They Live, this feat of choreographed excellence portrays Republicans as creepy, blood-thirsty mongrels. Don't click on it if your overly-sensitive to the macabre and disgusting. Thanks to Ms. Kiyum!

Fear and Loathing at the Milbloggies

The nomination phase of the Milbloggies is complete, and they are all so good, I had trouble voting (the exact opposite sentiment exists when voting for politicians). The Army category is extremely competitive, and I was a bit bummed that some of my favorite blogs from junior enlisted soldiers didn't make the cut. These include Fobbits Need Ice Cream Too, Army of Dude, and Iraq the Purgatorium. They all offer uncensored perspectives into the mind of a soldier. Putting up with all the bullshit of war on a crummy salary, while coming back to a misunderstanding American public. These are the guys who've been protecting our country for hundreds of years, and it's no coincidence that the American GI was Time's "Hero of the Century". Also, the milblogs from an active-duty female perspective didn't make the cut either. Some worthwhile reads are Tough Girl 101, Harmlessness Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, and GI Kate. IMHO, female active-duty members have gotten a bum deal from the American public. Too politically incorrect for the leftista zeitgeist that contends the military is a patriacrchal rape organization, and too badass for social conservatives that think women should be whipping up hams in the kitchen with their heels on. The public needs to wake up and smell the coffee, because women are getting awarded Silver Stars in the combat zone and hardly anyone is talking about it.

Unfortunately, there could only be 5 nominees in each category, and milblogging is an interesting genre filled with lots of different voices. The only thing I lament is that this stupid blog made the cut, which clearly shows that the internet as a cultural force has no goddamn class.

Vote here!

The Death of the Marlboro Man

Warning: Smoking Also Makes You Look Cool and Relieves Stress in an otherwise Rotten World

The Brown Shirt campaign against personal decisions continues on the Left coast. It's bad enough that you can't hang out in a bar and get a refreshing blast of mentholated smoke in your lungs, because everyone knows you go to the local watering hole to improve your health. Now, you can't buy a pack of smokes at pharmacies in San Francisco. Walgreen's is fighting this nonsense, because as everybody knows, you're supposed to be able to buy everything at a pharmacy from booze to fertilizer for your lawn to Hello Kitty douches. WSJ reports:

In August, San Francisco became the first city in the country to ban cigarette sales at pharmacies. The law, introduced by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and modeled on similar bans in eight Canadian provinces, was approved by the city's board of supervisors in two consecutive 8-3 votes.

Mitch Katz, director of San Francisco's Public Health Department, told the board that pharmacies market themselves as places where people go to get healthy and it sends a conflicting message when they also sell cigarettes, a known health hazard. But dissenting board members questioned why certain retailers that sell prescription drugs were exempted from the ban.

Also, in WA state, the cossacks on the supreme court said a local American Legion Post can't allow people to smoke indoors...even though everyone who works there supports hot-boxing the joint. From the WA government page (h/t South Puget Sound Libertarian):

The questions presented in this case are whether the smoking in public places act (Act), chapter 70.160 RCW, prohibits smoking in the Post and, if it does, whether the prohibition is constitutional. We hold smoking is prohibited in the Post under the Act because it is a “place of employment” and the prohibition, as applied to the Post, is constitutional.

Glad all you public health crusaders are proud of yourself for minding everybody's business. Here's an idea, if smoking bothers you so damn much, stop breathing. And no nasty comments about how it drives up your health insurance premiums. Smokers kick the bucket early, thereby saving costs to society that only a Logan's Run type scenario could improve on.

McCain on Service

McCain just ripped Colombia at the 9/11 forum on service for not allowing ROTC on campus, which is due to a ban they've had since 1969 over opposition to the Vietnam war. Brit Hume on Fox went in for the assist saying Colombia was the university that allowed madman Ahmadinejad to speak on campus. Haha, why do you Ivy League kids hate America, because the monocle is no longer fashionable.

When Worlds Collide

Pic of the Large Hadron Collider (from Wired)

What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it. -Alexander Graham Bell

It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge. -Enrico Fermi

Remember when you fired up that proton accelerator to determine the nature of mass...that was awesome. -Chris Farley

Pakistan: The Heart of Terror

Taliban Fighter in the FATA, Pakistan (from NYT)

President Bush announced today that more Marines (a battallion's worth which is ~500-1000) and more soldiers (a combat brigade which is ~2000-4000) are headed to Afghanistan later in the year as opposed to Iraq. This is a good strategy, as violence has been increasing in Afghanistan and declining in Iraq. But the prez sez that the major battlefield with Al-Qaeda is in Iraq:

Al Qaeda's leaders have repeatedly declared that Iraq is the central front of their war with America -- but it is not the only front. As al Qaeda faces increased pressure in Iraq, the terrorists are stepping up their efforts on the front where this struggle first began -- the nation of Afghanistan.

General Petraeus has similar thoughts in an interview today:

It is still assessed that Iraq is still viewed as the central front, if you will, for al-Qaida and extremism of that flavor.

Al-Qaeda (through Zawahiri) has indeed mentioned that the conquering of Iraq will help instill a caliphate extending all the way to Spain. But these are their ultimate goals in their bizarre ideology, and not necessarily a sign of their actual mainstream presence. A look at this extensive and profound NY Times Magazine shows where the true heart of terrorism lies in waiting. It's complicated by the fact that the Taliban exerts control of the tribal areas in northwestern Pakistan, some of the Pakistan's military appears to be in cahoots with the Taliban thugs, and the foreign jihadists share similar goals with the Taliban of de-stabilizing both Pakistan and Afghanistan. An anonymous tribal chieftain explains:

“There are many Arab fighters living in South Waziristan,” Jan told me. “Sometimes you see them in the town; you hear them speaking Arabic.

“But the important Arabs are not in the city,” he continued. “They are in the mountains.”

A frightening, but absolutely necessary read.

A Journey into the Heart of Darkness: The 2008 Dem PlatformD

It Smelled Like Slow Death in There

Following up on the amateur analysis of the GOP platform, the Dem platform is out(pdf) and worth taking a gander at. I admit to once having a strong dislike of the Democrats when I first became interested in politics during the Clinton days, which was probably the result of listening to a lot of Waco-era talk radio growing up. But, the times have definitely changed, and old partisan lines have been redefined. Here's the rating systems of the platform (out of 4 Sinbads for good, out of 4 Mr. Van Driessens for heinous)

Sinbads (out of 4): The hilarious comedian and star of the epic TV show, A Different World, and the underated 1995 classic, Houseguest, embodies the best traits of liberalism. He understands that institutionalized forms of intolerance are best defeated at a grass roots level by relentless mocking and parodying of the hypocrisy in the cultural elite. While advocating for change, Sinbad still holds a profound affection for this country by serving in the Air Force (despite going AWOL a few times) and doing USO tours into a conflict zone to boost morale among forward deployed Americans (even though he didn't come under sniper fire the way Hillary remembered).

Mr Van. Driessen (out of 4): The wussy teacher of Beavis and Butthead embodies the worst of liberalism. A cult-like fanaticism exists within his mind towards emphasizing people's feelings and being one with mother nature like some sort of hippy ant colony. Mr. Van D can only sense injustice within the own confines of his silly little world, as shown with his distrust of authority figures in law enforcement and irrational fear of human progress. Naively singing songs about Lesbian seagulls, while madmen overseas plot to massacre both nature-lover and corporate fat-cats alike. Mr. Van Driessen represents the dregs of modern liberalism and is not a good choice for a candidate in a time of uncertainty.

The Issues:

• Economy: Entitlement programs, ahoy! The platform wants to give Joe and Jane schmoe energy rebates to accommodate rising gas prices, health coverage for Americans similar to the plans congressmen get, stronger social security, stronger medicare/medicaid, and much, much more. There's probably some shit in their about free puppy dogs and lollipops to voters in bellwether states, but it's hard not to space out when reading this beast of a PDF. They also want to pump in a whopping $50 Billion to local and state coffers that will certainly save incompetent government programs from the chopping block in these tough times. All this money doesn't grow on trees, and these pie-in-the-sky promises are exacerbating the problem of government misspending that has gone on in both the major political parties, which makes the dollar more worthless, making shit more expensive, and making me have to haul a wheelbarrow full of cash to the liquor store to buy a pack of smokes for fuck's sakes.

Rating: 3 Van Driessens

• Energy: The Dems are pushing hard for the cap and trade system, which would cut greenhouse gases and prevent Denver from becoming beach front property in the future due to global warming. And who doesn't like the idea of more jobs being created to develop infrastructure and the like. But even the platform's ambitious zeal for "green-collar" jobs can't make totally wacky promises, and they seek only 25% of America's energy from renewables by 2025. Scrounging around the platform for nuclear power, one only finds something about how awful it would be in using the barren, uninhabitable expanse of Yucca mountain as a place to store nuclear waste. Seems a bit unrealistic and lofty a proposal to put all our eggs in one solar-powered basket, and we'll most likely continue giving Chavez petrobucks until we can come to our senses on a reasonable energy policy. The platform also mentions harnessing American ingenuity to free America from the "the tyranny of oil". Hmm. I'm confused about the context here, because if it wasn't for crude oil and its distilled products, we'd probably be bitching about needing the local consulate to mend the yoke for our oxens because all the able-bodied men died of the bubonic plague or something of a medieval nature. I think the Dems are looking for solutions that aren't totally anti-growth, but they need to keep lookin' harder. If any of you know the silver bullet to our energy woes (which can't be destroyed or created tanks to the crummy law of thermodynamics), you've got my vote!
  

Rating: 1 Van Driessen

• Military/Diplomacy: Lots of good ideas to expand the State Dept (by way of the Peace Corps), Americorps, and the military, Scrapping the archaic Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is a way to allow more Americans to serve their country. Also, expanding diplomatic options as service-based rather than career-based would have more people working for Uncle Sam as opposed to the indirect method we have now, where many civilians serve as contractors. The Dems focus a lot on the conflict in Afghanistan/Pakistan, and I hate everything they tried to fly during the surge, but the reality is that the future administration will require a reduction of military forces in Iraq, and more focus in A-stan/Pakistan. This has been the position of the Democrats for a long time, even when it was completely irresponsible, but it would be a good thing for Iraq and America if withdrawal was done based on the conditions now. As for Iran, they say they will have diplomatic negotiations without preconditions to prevent Iran from developing nuke weapons. Not a bad idea, since saber-rattling has got us jack and shit the last 28 years. The only beef I have is with China, because the Dems talk about economic trade with the emerging giant as a way to foster a more legitimate regime, but the Dems platform on trade was alarmingly protectionist to placate the union cronies that have their dicks in punch bowl. Seems like they want to have their cake and eat it too. I have no reason to question that Dems care for vets, as Sen. Webb, a Dem, was the ones who passed the GI Bill and was awarded the Military Coalition Award.
  

Rating: 3 Sinbads

• Values: The Dems acknowledge the 2nd amendment, but want to instate the assault weapons ban. Bye-bye zombie protection kit! They also support money going to churches, despite the infringement on the first amendment. More pandering to the evangelical base, when they clearly will have trouble getting these votes because they are pro-choice. And if you are irresponsible enough to knock someone up or get knocked up without the means of raising a small kid, your babies will be shipped off to Pre-K on the government's dime. Lucky you. The platform also gives would-be fathers advice: "We need more fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to understand that what makes a man is not the ability to have a child–it’s the courage to raise one." I find this very offensive that a political party would feel the need to explain something so obvious to the unwashed masses. Maybe in 2012 they'll tell people how to tie their shoes. However, the platform gets some props for strongly supporting tribal sovereignty, which is a matter not often discussed.
  

Rating: 2 Van Driessens

This platform isn't bad on national security (never thought I would say that for the lefties), but promises an awful lot of goodies from Uncle Sugar to woo voters come election time. The foreign investors must be ecstatic at the amount of cash our country is willing to borrow. The Dems have the fiscal spending responsibility of a 15 year-old at a Gucci shop in Beverly Hills with Daddy's plastic. Unfortunately, we're all gonna have to pick up the tab eventually. You say Hope and Change, and I say Game Over, Man! See you all at the burn barrel under the bridge.

What are your thoughts on the platform?

Finally...A Dating Site That Provides Cheap Sex, Brains

Created by Mingle2.com

With the impending apocalypse upon us, it's comforting to know that your libido will persevere. Check it. (h/t Ms Kiyum)

Dr. Strangelove Ending as Symbolic of Lousy Blogging

Sorry, I've been a slackass on getting that post on the DNC Platform up after the GOP platform reviews...no excuses sir/ma'am. So enjoy the Dr. Strangelove ending in the meantime, which is an allegory for mankind's hubris and folly, or just Peter Sellers being hilarious if you aren't into the whole doomsday thing. I'll try and have something up manana. :-\

HDIS.com Saves America

Anyone else have a problem shitting all over themselves while in public? After a night of heavy drinking and cruising for tweaked-out hookers, I sure do. That's why there's a great new company with a unique service to prevent my already fragile modesty from being decimated. It's Home Delivery Incontinent Supplies (or HDIS), which promises to deliver adult diapers right to your home, so that you can save yourself the embarrassment of buying the jumbo pack of Depends at the local Walgreens. Check it out!

Chicken Littles in Hollywood

Adam McKay is best known for the hilarious romp of a comedy, Anchorman, but now that the election season is upon us, he feels the need to swim way outside his lane and self-righteously pontificate to all the little people out here in blog land. Where else to do this but the Huffington Post, a place where you can get lame celebrity gossip mixed up with god-awful political commentary about that evil Halliburton-controlled conservative media (fuck you Rove!). Basically, Mr. McKay says that all morally, upright citizens need to start putting their noses to the grindstone or "We're Gonna Frickin' Lose This Thing!" Many on the right (Jules Crittenden, Moonbattery, Dirty Harry) have stated that this is a sign of the inevitable demise of the Obama campaign apparatus, but I was most taken aback by this comment:

Something is not right. We have a terrific candidate and a terrific VP candidate. We're coming off the worst eight years in our country's history. Six of those eight years the Congress, White House and even the Supreme Court were controlled by the Republicans and the last two years the R's have filibustered like tantrum throwing 4-year-olds, yet we're going to elect a Republican who voted with that leadership 90% of the time and a former sportscaster who wants to teach Adam and Eve as science?

C'mon, dude. The last 8 years haven't been swell, but the worst ever in American history? What about the Civil War: 600K Americans dead, gangrenous limbs getting hacked off left and right, and a schism in the country that still sorta exists 150 years later? That shit sucked.

Did Guns N' Roses lie to us?

This campaign is incredibly passionate for a lot of people, but silly hyperbole just confirms a certain nuttiness that liberals have long been accused of (see yippies invading Disneyland, as an example).

Dems Court the Elderly by Mandating Frustratingly Slow Driving Behavior

Slow it Down, Ya Whippersnappers!

It's bad enough that the country is locked into the Ponzi schemes of Medicare and Social Security that we can't afford to get the all-important gray panther vote, but now the left-leaning pundits are jumping on the idea that every car be relegated to the slow lane behind Grandma tooling along to the bakery in her Buick. The 55 MPH speed limit has already been mulled over on environmental grounds, but Kent Sepkowitz takes it one step further and says that automobiles should be manufactured, with federal enforcement, to go no faster than 75! From the NY Times:

Our continued, deliberate production of potentially law-breaking devices has no real precedent. We regulate all sorts of items to decrease danger to the public, from baby cribs to bicycle helmets. Yet we continue to produce fast cars despite the lives lost, the tens of billions spent treating accident victims, and a good deal of gasoline wasted...

Despite all this, we Americans insist on the inalienable right to speed. Imagine, for a moment, if E-ZPass kept track of exactly when each car entered one toll booth and exited another, which would allow local governments to do some basic math, dividing distance traveled by time spent. If this calculation showed you to be a speeder, the authorities would send you a traffic ticket. Lives, money and oil would be saved and proof of wrongdoing would be undeniable, but the public outcry would be deafening.

Yes, Kent, the public outcry would probably be deafening, especially when motorists started getting traffic tickets for going 9,000 MPH due to a "basic math" error on the part of this shoddy enforcement measure. It's odd, how the Dems (yes Kent is definitely a liberal as evidenced by his campaign contributions) are so up in arms about the government's ability to monitor terrorist communication within our borders, but see no qualms with putting a tracker chip under your hood to ensure you are going easy on the lead foot.

Besides, driving under 75 might be a good idea on the eastern seaboard, but you try passing a trucker late on his delivery in western Nebraska. Sometimes you gotta put that hammer down unless you want to be a sitting duck in the big rig's killzone of a blindspot. To Kent's credit, he's a NYC doctor, and probably doesn't need to drive a little fast because he's running late for work. Of course, you don't see people from "fly-over" country calling for a federal mandate on Brie cheese because it might lead to a coronary.

I have always been astounded by people seeking federal policy, regulated by the suits in DC instead of at the local level, designed to socially engineer acceptable behavior to this utopian society they seek of people not driving, but riding around on tandem bikes with Obama bumper stickers slapped on the basket or some bullshit. Is it their own type of culture war because they despise the macho attitude embodied in fast cars? At least they came up with a flimsy guise for this proposal to regulate coolness. Next up is an Op-Ed about the noise from Harleys disrupting the eco-system, so everyone needs to drive a pink Vespa.

Mmm...speed

Vets Talk Politics

Blue Vets:




Red Vets:



And, uh, Adam Kokesh:



Who supports Bob Barr, like me, despite the fact that we have vast ideological differences. But hey, at least we got the full political spectrum covered.

Milbloggies Are Up

JP has the details on this year's Milbloggies. It's like a blog contest, except it's all people with ties to the military community. So it's slightly less nerdier than the Kirk Vs. Picard Fan Fiction contest, but still geeky enough for the rest of us. Visit the contest link...or else mittens gets it.

Be A Phony Vet for Fun and Profit

Baron Munchhausen, the original Phony Vet

2 Dinar writes of an awkward relation between the younger veteran community and the American public. They state that politcos are using shameless plugs for the military to obscure the real policy issues at hand. Judging by the color guard and fake military funeral that was at the RNC, I'd say there is some pretty compelling evidence of this behavior in Washington. But the bizarre infatuation of politicians of utilizing the troops for political theater can generate a lot of sympathy in the American mindset for those poor troops. The shouts of "baby-killer" and "ROTC Nazi!" are pretty much gone from the granola-loving college campuses, but a strange sense of pity exists where most people think military personnel do what they do because they have no other choice. Like a 12 year-old prostitute makin' a living in Bombay, people would only go off and die in Iraq or Afghanistan out of sheer economic desperation...so the misguided logic goes. That's why it is profitable to dress yourself up like a phony vet to cash in on people's collective guilt. From military.com:

A man posing in a military uniform while shopping at local businesses who was afforded tax-free and soldier discounts has bilked mom and pop convenience store owners and other retail outlets out of thousands of dollars and today is jailed in Cumberland County.

This young punk's scheme is nothing new, and it was a serious problem for Vietnam vets, which you can read about in the book Stolen Valor. There have been many others who have done the phony vet thing. Many are like the chap who tried to score free crap from unsuspecting merchants. Others have odd psychological issues where they need copious amounts of attention, like college student Lisa Jane Phillips, who claimed she was flying combat missions in Iraq on the weekends while she was attending a liberal arts school. The historic precedent for phony vetdom is Baron Munchhausen, who told elaborate tales of traveling to the moon and killing scary monsters in 18th century Europe. These folks exploit the graciousness of others in an awkward time for civilian-military relations and deserve whatever's coming to them...

Late Night Tunes: Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk to Fuck

The new Buckcherry song "Too Drunk" has a funny video, but it's a shameless rip of the Dead Kennedys original. Check it out:

Faux Patriotism At the Conventions

Patriotism is too abstract a concept to be put into a catchy jingle for public consumption at a massively choreographed political convention. Sure, the delegates can chant "U-S-A" and rock the lapel pins until the cows come home, but only the actions of one's existence can speak to a calling greater than themselves. Being part of the political process at these wingdings in Denver and Minnesota certainly demonstrates that the individuals involved have some interest in making America a better place, and therefore signifies a patriotic spirit (yes, even the Paultards). After all, we would still be paying taxes to the Queen of England if it wasn't for the Continental Congress (aka the Old Skool convention). But when these muckity-mucks try to make a point about how much they love their country to swindle a vote or two, since they assume the rubes in fly-over country can't grapple with the real issues, they come off like a bunch of creeps. Take a look at these two examples:

Apparently, the Republicans were trying to use the infamous Walter Reed Medical Center in their green-screen backdrop during McCain's acceptance speech. The problem is that it was Walter Reed Middle School in Los Angeles, not the place to rehabilitate our wounded vets. Brian McGough, someone who spent some time there after he was WIA in Iraq, has the details at VetVoice. The principal of the school even posted that the RNC had not asked them to use pics, and seeing how she is from LA Unfied School District, she probably is an ardent leftista. Whoops. This was probably the error of some overzealous intern that isn't skilled in the ways of Teh Google Image Search. Pisspoor editing like this in the future could mean that the POW tribute is just a bunch of clips of Hogan's Heros, and the tribute to active-duty Armed forces is screen shots from Halo 3. What a boneheaded mistake.

Moving on to the other side of the aisle, the Denver Post has the scoop on flags from the DNC left in garbage bags like a bunch of unwanted babies on prom night. Look at the Denver Post updates for denial from the punidilicious operatives, but the picture speaks for itself. The American flags that they were handing out to Obamamaniacs to prove to America that the Dems have boner over patriotic values too didn't get much respect off-camera.

So do the two big political parties hate America and have no respect for veterans? I really doubt it. But the methodology they employ to showcase these values comes off as awkward and phony. They should uphold the true standard of American patriotism, and that would be the antics of Missile Command record-holder, Mr. Awesome.

Patriotism at its finest!

Motorhead Might Support Obama, But See Who Supports McCain

Wek points out that Motorhead is pulling for Obama. But didja know that Jack Nicholson is a McCain guy:



Just because Motorhead transcends punditry, here's a song that clearly doesn't support any politician:

The Great Palin Freak Out

Can She Save Us from the Doomsday Liberals at Cyberdyne?

These conventions are truly showing an America deeply polarized by politics. I think Palin is okay, but does she deserve a collective swoon from the conservative-libertarian base because she is going to radically alter our devastating path of self-destruction? We should not give up on our cynicism, as it is one of our generation's most proudest attributes. Yet, we have an entire population in a blackhole of cognitive dissonance to only hear good things about their candidates and slander about the other guy (or gal in this case). People seizing on gaffes and character assassination in the blogosphere to "score one for the team". This must be all very amusing for the people in power looking down on a divided America, which is squabbling over stupid shit like the cost of Cindy McCain's earrings. I agree with McCain's assessment that the fundamanetal purpose of life is to serve mankind, but there is really no reason to think that any politician will make our problems of expensive gas, lousy healthcare, and a cheatin' husband go away. The sad part about Democracy is that people actually think they can change a system to their benefit, when the entire governmental apparatus is dependent upon festering upon the public to survive. Born from lies and deceit, these people will tell us what we want to hear in order to feel good about ourselves when it comes time to pull the lever. There is no reason to be ecstatic and elated at this point in history. The war in Afghanistan needs immediate attention and our traditionally strong economy is in the shits. I'm not saying that our government is some neo-Stalinistic Gulag (like Crazy Lew did) and that we are all in line for the gallows, but let's not start blowing each other yet.

A Journey into the Heart of Darkness: The 2008 GOP Platform

The Horror...The Horror

The GOP has released their 2008 platform(pdf) in time for the convention. While there's a lot of reasons to blow off the Republican party this election cycle (dude, $9.6 Trillion national debt, WTF!), I figured it'd be good to at least hear them out and give it a quick analysis. Tomorrow we'll be looking at the Dems platform from my own warped perspective.

For the purposes of scientifically analyzing the major components of the platform, we'll be using the following scale:

Good Conservatism (on a scale of 1 to 4 Plisskens): Snake Plissken embodies all the best parts of conservatism. As a specops combat vet, he's certainly patriotic, but he's pissed off that the government has become an over-reaching tyrannical state, symbolized by Manhattan being walled off into a maximum security prison. His rugged individualism is enough to save the President from a group of Marxist hijackers, but his muddled morality questions the mission the entire way, because those in power should remember that they are being scrutinized.

Bad Conservatism (on a scale of 1 to 4 Smails): Judge Smails can't control the hijinx of his family, so he seeks to criticize everyone else having a good time to overcompensate for his failure to tame his own offspring. He also abuses his position of authority to maintain a society with an upper caste serviced by lowly peons like the hilarious Bill Murray.

The issues:

• Immigration: The GOP platform rightly seeks to uphold the rule of law regarding immigrants illegally flocking into our mainland to commit crimes, but their incentives to naturalize the vast majority of productive, law-abiding immigrants is weak at best. The GOP platform suggests employers utilize some Gestapo crap called an "E-verify" system to track all these foreigners in a monstrous database, and deporting those who over-stay their visas. What about all the college students, educated in our schooling system, who then go back to India and China to boost their tech sector. These people create wealth and innovation and shouldn't be kicked to the curb. Also, the ag sector throughout America is largely dependent on migrant workers, and the platform fails to recognize the importance that immigrants have had to our country since the boat after the Mayflower showed up. Then they go on to say everyone must whiten up, adopt our cultural practices (what is the officially sanctioned U.S. cultural paradigm O wise Republicans?), and stop speaking in funny languages. Another example of the GOP's desire to put the lid on the melting pot that has been the American way for hundreds of years.

Immigration Rating: 2 Smails

• Veterans: Holy shit! The GOP loves the bipartisan Webb GI Bill, talks about the need to help out vets suffering from TBI (traumatic brain injury), and wants to increase the size of our Armed Forces. What's not to like?

Veterans Rating: 4 Plisskens

• Diplomacy: The GOP Platform does a country-by-country break down. They have had a good policy on Iraq with regards to not abandoning our Iraqi allies to genocide, and the platform states a continued partnership in diplomatic relations. With that monstrous embassy of ours, it'd be crazy not to have good relations. However, the GOP takes the tough-guy approach to Iran by stating they refuse to talk to the Islamic regime. We've adopted that policy for 28 years, and it hasn't done a lot of good. The blurb on Pakistan and Afghanistan is incredibly terse and shows that the GOP doesn't recognize that this is the most important part of the War on Terrorism (despite what the brass/State Dept. is saying). The bit on China is good though, as it encourages economic development and trade, but is leery of their human rights abuses. The platform talks a lot about setting the example for human rights in America, but doesn't mention that we should shitcan Capital Punishment or enhanced interrogation. I'm not very sympathetic towards the people that get waterboarded or put to death, but diplomacy isn't about what your average Joe in America thinks, it's about what your average Mohammed overseas thinks. This has been a strategic blunder with the Bush Administration that the platform fails to recognize.
  

Diplomacy Rating: One Plissken

• Energy/Environment: Finally, a fucking party that recognizes nuclear power doesn't mean Godzilla is going to be popping out of the cooling tower to wreak havoc on middle America. The platform calls for more nuke plants and shows the embarrassment that an entire generation bought into anti-nuclear hysteria in the 70s and there hasn't been a plant built since. The platform also wants to improve on other technologies and stop shipping money off to Saudi Arabia so some sheikh can wipe his ass with Benjamins. The platform also addresses Global Warming and suggests a "market-based" approach to nipping the problem, but is unclear on specifics. Do they want cap-and-trade, giving Al Gore more money to make documentaries, or what? Overall though, it's a responsible platform that calls for balancing energy infrastructure improvement and environmental responsibility. I'm not big on this no-growth hippy crap that liberals often spout, because I guess we could all go back to living like savages in the woods, foraging for berries and shit, but it's cold outside where I'm at.
  

E/E Rating: Two Plisskens

• Healthcare: It's pretty obvious that the geezers in the AARP are running the show here, since the GOP talks big about one of our biggest government expenditures: Medicare. The platform calls for more choice for Medicare and Medicaid recipients, which will ensure a plethora of corruption amongst shady "Dr Nick Riviera" insurance providers looking to charge two thousand bucks to Uncle Sugar for dishing out a couple of Advils. This is absolute bullshit and shows that there is no longer any personal responsibility in taking care of your own health. With free healthcare goodies, what's to stop consumers from calling pricey ambulances to drive them across town because they have an owie or opting for the most expensive drugs that are clearly beyond their means. I'm all about helping people out through charity, but expanding these monstrous programs will only create massive amounts of waste in the healthcare industry with the taxpayers footing the bill. We need to be honest with ourselves...we are a nation with a horrific debt that makes the dollar about as valuable as Mama's Family VHS tapes and we need to stop promising people shit we can't afford.
  

Healthcare Rating: 2 Smails

• Culture War!/Values: Unsurprisingly, they saved the kickers for last. Continue the unsuccessful war on drugs, keep internet gambling illegal, and stop teh gheyz from being so publicly and flamboyantly gay. The war on drugs screed is funny (in a sad sort of way), because earlier in the platform they say that more needs to be done about gang violence...how about cutting off their funding source, you imbeciles! You don't see the Rollin' Sixties slinging Budweisers on the street corners of Los Angeles. The platform also shreds the first amendment in half, and says it's all hunky-dory that publicly funded institutions use religious-themed items and that America is founded on Judeo-Christian principles. Ugh. I have never understood why America can't be a secular nation in their eyes, because it's not like we should be inspired to achieve the glorious statedom of Saudi Arabia or Iran. And it's nothing against religion, just that it doesn't have a place in public fuckin' policy when a lot of folks have radically different religious beliefs in this country. They take a hard stance against abortion...which I'm ambivalent about and shant discuss further. The 2nd amendment stuff was a good shot in the arm, but everything else in the values portion of the platform is an attempt to impose values at the federal level to a society that only existed on 1950s television. America has always been a country of hookers, violence, and people getting hammered, and trying to erase this part of our history just isn't going to happen.

Culture War Ratings: 3 Smails

• Overall: The diplomatic portion is somewhat reassuring, which is incredibly important during the complex international conflict we currently face, and I'll always have a place in my heart for the GOP on national security since they supported the Iraq mission during the Surge. But the Repubs are still pandering to the evangelical base to sucker in those easy votes. The only problem is that not everyone is a Ned Flanders, and laws on morality compel everyone to act a certain way. I can't support this ridiculous intrusion of government, when there's much more pressing issues ahead of us as a nation. Well, there's always the 2012 platform.
  

Overall rating of the GOP Platform: 1 Smails

And what are your thoughts?

Google...uh, Chrome?

Google Chrome...Will it Fuck Us All?

Anyone try using the Google Chrome that got released today (the browser, not the rhine-stoned dildo)? I'm a big google-nut: using blogspot, google news, google reader, and gmail....but I'm a bit leery of using software that just got released fearing vulnerability. I tend to lurk on places on the internet creepier than a Bangalore brothel and I get "infected" from time to time requiring recovery of my laptop. Lemme know how it is!

Iraq signs Massive Oil Deal With China

I For One Would Like to Welcome Our Communist Overlords

While the world was busy with Broken-Watergate, the highly sought-after first Iraqi oil contracts were signed between the Ministry of Oil and the PRC to develop. From The Guardian:

The cabinet has approved a service contract to develop and produce the Adhab oilfield between the (Iraqi) Northern Oil Company and a Chinese company, according to terms initialled by both sides," government spokesman Ali al-Dabbagh said in a statement. The Iraqi government recently announced renegotiated terms of the oil deal with the Chinese National Petroleum Company (CNPC), which was originally signed in 1997. The deal marks the first major oil contract with a foreign firm for Iraq.

Iraq's mostly undeveloped oil fields are speculated to have the second-largest reserves in the world, and their entire economy is primarily dependent upon the export of crude (currently around 2 million barrels/day). While it's good that international companies now feel that security has improved enough to invest, and that China is doing business with a legitimate democracy as opposed to the genocide-enablers in the Sudanese government, it seems as though the Western world is missing out.

American companies are so terrified of the "blood for oil" label, as the New York Times explains, that executives are dragging their feet in doing business with Iraq. There's also the matter of the Hydrocarbon Law, which still remains unresolved in the Iraqi government. China is taking a considerable risk, but the improvement in infrastructure will greatly benefit the Iraqis and provide new economic opportunity and a stabilization of the Baghdad government. All the while America imports oil from notorious human-rights abuser, Saudi Arabia, and the country run by an asshole dictator, Venezuela. You know, the blood of their oppressed citizens for our oil.

Jerry Reed, We Hardly Knew Ye

Best...road...music...ever. The true sound of Americana. R.I.P., Jerry.

Change of the Guard in Anbar

Anbar Security Forces on Parade (from Matel in Iraq)

Anbar is still the province where the most Americans have lost their lives in Iraq the past 5 years, and it was considered "lost" by intelligence officials two years ago. The mainly Sunni province, once rife with insurgents, saw a huge turnaround when the Anbar awakening began working with coalition forces to expel Al-Qaeda in late 2006. USA Today puts in perspective today's transfer of the province to the Iraqi Security Forces:

After the U.S. invasion in 2003, Anbar witnessed some of the fiercest battles between U.S. forces and insurgents.

In 2006, Anbar had more attacks per day than any other province in Iraq. A Marine intelligence report at the time declared the province lost to al-Qaeda.

Al-Qaeda's violent tactics and strict enforcement of an extreme brand of Islam eventually triggered a grass-roots revolt among the patchwork of Sunni tribes who dominate Anbar.

The backlash, which became known as the Awakening, spread throughout the country and played a critical role in putting down the insurgency.

This is a big deal for the Marines, as they are primarily located in Anbar province. The Commandant wants more engagement in Afghanistan and less in Iraq, and it is because of the sacrifices of Americans and Iraqis that this is able to take place. Al-Qaeda once considered Ramadi their home base, terrifying the residents and coercing everyone into their bizarre ideology. The times certainly have changed. This was a major front in the war on terrorism, and while there will never be anything like V-E day in today's conflicts, this is pretty good news.

Be Part of the Eco-Stasi

A larger and scarier version of this ad was spotted on the ferry between Seattle and Bremerton. Help turn WA into a police-state. Report your neighbors and friends! Your grandma throw a cigarette butt out the car window...better sell her up the river! Join the eco-stasi today for a better and more controlled tomorrow, comrade!

Labor Day

An important question to ask yourself this Labor day is where would we be without our strong industrial base?

Answer: Living as subsistence farmers like a bunch of fucking savages, while doing circus tricks for our German/Japanese overlords.

Little Drops into the Pool of Life shows off her latest in patriotic hard hats, which is way cooler than the monochromatic gray hard hat the Navy issues us while we are in the shipyard. Pay her a visit if you have time (she's a good friend to milblogs).

Unfortunately, America's corporate income tax is the second highest in the world (first is Japan) with a political leadership that is openly hostile to improving industrial infrastructure at home. Could the Democrat-proposed green jobs be a renaissance in reviving our industrial might? Obama says yes we can, but the Wall Street Journal is a bit more skeptical.

Stop Enabling Janeane Garfolo

I saw 4 politically-themed comedians at the Bumbershoot festival. Since it was in Seattle, it had a predictable liberal bent. 3 of the comedians 15-minute schticks had the crowd and myself in stitches, including this guy posing as a Republican congressman. But Janeane Garofalo, best known in recent years for being an idiotic Troofer, ranted on about evil corporations, asserted that all conservatives are misogynists like some deranged Kos diarist, and looked like she was under the influence of serious narcotics as she bumbled around the stage for her painfully unfunny performance. She got a few chuckles here and there, but overall, it was kind of like an audience of 400 watching their drunken, thrice-divorced aunt yell at the top of her lungs about everybody's problems at a family reunion. So do what the above video says and stop enabling Janeane and encourage her to go to rehab for pete's sakes.

Here's some extra footage of Garofalo calling Petraeus a liar on Bill Maher's show back in September 2007. What a loser.

Endangered Species of Mullet Threatened by Local Hairdresser

Mulletus Awesomeus species threatened in Port Orchard, WA

With the decline in hair metal at the beginning of the last decade, as evidenced by the fist-fight between Brett Michaels and CC Deville at the 91 MTV Music Awards, the mullet has been an endangered species in our fair country. The "Business up front, party in the back" ethos, which made us all feel so good about ourselves in the 80s, has gone by the wayside to make room for a generation of people woefully upset and guilt-ridden about global warming, worldwide poverty, and other politically correct causes. It is no longer socially acceptable to forego any sense of self-consciousness to strut around the mall in an Iron Maiden leather jacket while trying to get high school girls to come check out your '87 Camaro. The mullet can occasionally be spotted at Nascar racing events, midwestern amusement parks, and strip clubs in Reno, but it has long been an endangered species.

This is why I was outraged to learn that a city in the encironemntally-conscious state of WA is engaging in a campaign to maliciously purge the minority mullet population. From the Seattle Times (pictures here):

It's been more than five years since Julea Penland launched her mission "to beautify Kitsap County one mullet at a time."

The beautician began offering free haircuts to anyone sporting the once-popular "business in the front, party in the back" hairstyle because she believes they perpetuate negative stereotypes about Kitsap County.

But didn't Ms. Penland think of the cultural link to history that the mullet provides? Further in the Seattle Times:

A recent unscientific poll in Kitsap County revealed few true "legal mullets," but numerous near misses. A few men with true mullets refused to acknowledge they sported the hairstyle, while others were unrepentant about their mullet-dom.

"I know everybody makes fun of them, but I don't care," said Nick Marks, a 49-year-old yard-maintenance man from Olalla who prefers to call his hairdo " '70s style."

"My old lady likes me with my long hair and she'd kill me if I cut it off," he said.

Using the term "old lady" when referring to your spouse harkens back to a more simpler, innocent America, and the ethnic cleansing campaign to eradicate our mullet population must be stopped. Please look at these beautiful, majestic animals and write your congressman to stop the mullet genocide (all pics from Mullets Galore):

The black in the Trans Am brings out the white in the Acid-washed Denim

Ratt and Tube Socks, what more could you want, ladies?The only word to descrive this mullet: bitchin'

Up Yours Mother Nature

From the ancient Greeks worshiping the earthen goddess Gaia, to Seattle's Bumbershoot festival undergoing an aggressive carbon offsetting campaign, mankind has always paid proper respect to Mother Earth. But like Anrea Yates drowning her 5 kids in the bathtub, a vengeful mother nature threatens to lay waste to the peaceful Gulf Coast with the horrendous Hurricane Gustav.

The purpose of science and engineering has not just provided answers to difficult questions, but has sought to improve the lot of humanity by fighting off disease, properly utilizing resources to improve the survivability of mankind, and minimizing the inevitable disasters that nature throws our way. A summary of some of the worst American natural disasters:

• 1900 - Cat-4 hurricane in Galveston kills thousands
• 1906 - Massive San Fransisco earthquake causes wide-scale fires and destruction
• 1946 - Tsunami on the Big Island in Hawaii kills 156
• 1980 - Mt. St Helens volcanic eruption blows out the side of the mountain and kills 56 people and leaves WA and Oregon covered in volcanic ash
  
• 2005 - Hurricane Katrina devastates New Orleans leaving over 1000 dead

Luckily, mankind has the courage to stand up to the latest egregious threat to wipe out the human race. Residents have been preemptively evacuated and the National Guard has been called in to help. So far no levees have been breached:

Hoooolllldddd it!

National Guard in Action

Only time will tell if human tragedy is averted...